LAVH: Cervix loss really bothering me

I'm 44 and I have endometrial cancer, and my surgery is next Monday. I'm keeping myself almost comically busy so that I don't freak.

So, I've agreed to lose the ovaries .... far as I can gather, there is a chance that the cancer is there as well, the ovaries are difficult to properly monitor and ovarian cancer is very very dangerous. The benefits of keeping the ovaries are that the released hormones over time do help to protect against bone loss and dementia. I've decided the risks outweigh the benefits of keeping them, and age-related medical technology is improving constantly, so they are going.

I wanted to keep my cervix, but my doctor has said that it must go. I have a 20 year history of HPV, which causes cervical cancer, and the cervix is the base of the uterus ... he says that it just isn't worth the risk.

So, that said, removing the cervix is really upsetting me. I'm not really sure why. I do not have and never wanted kids, so the loss of the uterus isn't heartbreaking to me. I don't feel like my "woman-ness" is tied up there, either. But, losing the cervix makes me feel like my vagina will become just some sort of useless flesh tube or something, sadly sewn shut at the top. And, I know that's dumb. I also worry about sexual side effects. And losing length ... my boyfriend is, um, long, and frequently hits up against the cervix in some positions. Guess that won't be happening anymore.

Sigh.

Let me copy this for you: "I have a 20 year history of HPV, which causes cervical cancer."

Your thoughts should be eliminating this risk and not whether your current boyfriend can go deep enough. There are links here re cervical caps. You might want to read them.

You may not feel a difference and your current boyfriend may not either.

Good luck.

The cervix is part of the uterus, which means the endo cancer can be in the cervix, too, so that's why they take the whole uterus, including cervix. I was lucky that with my endometrial ca I'd never even heard of leaving a cervix behind, so it didn't occur to me. But I have not had problems without it. I haven't had shortening, and sex is still good. But there is mourning of a lost part, OK it was diseased, but it was part of me. I think you will feel the emotional loss more than you notice any physical difference. That has been the case with me, but it has gotten better with time. I think it's normal to not want to lose a part, but with cancer we really need to let go and then get through the grief. I'm sorry you are dealing with the cancer. It's not easy to suddenly need surgery. We will be here for you.

How you feel about it is totally understandable. It's a very emotional thing. Personally, I feel strange and sad about the prospect of losing my cervix -- I too am very aware of it, especially during sex. Being upset about losing that part is not necessarily mitigated by focussing on the practical realities. You feel how you feel, and it's better to express it and go through that emotional experience, in my view. Grieving is a normal part of the process.

I believe pinkbear has it right. Feel it, express it and mourn it. I wanted to keep my cervix but it just wasn't in the cards. I have no idea how intimacy will or won't change and its understandably scary and brings out all types of emotion. In the end being healthy is the most important thing...and hopefully that alone provides for an enjoyable sex lifem

I too am experiencing the same sense of grief. I appreciate all the messages of advice. I think it's really better to try to think of your cervix as part of the problem and that it needs to go for you to be healthy. I've had HPV and had three colposcopies, laser, years ago. My cervix held strong to allow me to have my two boys and I am thankful of that. I too will need to say goodbye to it, and my grieving will be a natural process just as yours will be. We'll get through it and life may not be exactly the same, but we'll still be here, and we can create a new path for ourselves. All the best.

I'm also losing my cervix, and I haven't even begun to think about how things will feel differently--years of HPV, repeat paps, colposcopies, etc, I'm eager to get rid of it. But I know myself well enough to know there will come feelings...and I'm so grateful that I've found a place to share them.

You know this is the first time I've seen a post like this. I have to say I totally understand. I had no problem letting go of my other parts but the cervix bothered me. I found that strange but its nice to know someone else felt the same way. I actually didn't think to worry about it until I read discussions here so ignorance was bliss. It seemed my opinion changed with the tone of the thread I was reading. At any rate - you're not alone in your worries. Keep reading and soul searching and be assertive to make your wishes come true.

HUGS,
Echodog

HUGE PS duh - I did have my cervix removed

Hi. I am 7 weeks post op and my cervix was removed. I must be different as I have felt absolutely no emotion about losing my bits. I do have three lovely daughters, I am 49 so perhaps that is why. Have only had sex 2xsince surgery. First time it felt like he bumped something that hurt but the second time not and apart from me feeling a bit anxious about the possible pain, it all feels the same. I am just celebrating the fact that I never need another pap smear, no more pain and bleeding. Good luck.