God never gives us more than we can handle

Dear Maureenie,

I was also in your position, having started an adoption application and then being told I had a 25% to 30% chance of having cancer. Unlike you, I was told there was no chance of continuing with the application in the event of a definite cancer diagnosis. But then I live in the U.K. where it is very difficult to get approval to adopt in any case. You are so lucky to live in the most facilitative country in the world where adoption is concerned.

I think Siren Song is right: don't second guess this. Although in theory you could back out right up until finalisation and placement, it would considerably delay this little girl's finding a forever family, you might have more difficulty embarking on another adoption in the future and come on, you know you would have a lifetime of regrets!

You certainly do have a huge amount on your plate. Cancer is scarey, but so is motherhood, as you rightly say. But you would be in the same position if you had had a baby in the usual way. Mothers of young children do get cancer and they find ways of coping. Look at Tammy - she can help you with advice. My guess is that your prognosis is really very good, but in any case, your daughter will have you for however many years God plans which is so much better than no mother at all. Plus she will have what sounds to be a great dad.

I was really worried about coping with my one year old over all this. I found I could hold him next to me in bed and feed him the day after my operation. He came in to see me for several hours a day. It worked well, except when he started prancing around with a vomit bowl on his head as a hat, worn at a jaunty angle, which made me laugh so much I nearly burst my staples. I felt very sad at first that I could not pick him up, but he soon learnt to go and get someone to lift him up on to my lap. He can now climb up on his own! There might be some days you will feel really ill, and you will need help on those days, but most of the time you will be well capable of caring for your daughter. Even on the bad days, you will probably be able to do quiet things like cuddling and feeding when she is feeling sleepy.

Don't let this stupid disease, which you will conquer, rob you of the joy of your motherhood. It will be awesome!

I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you for your encouraging words. This has been some emotional rollercoaster of a week but I know it will be o.k.

BIG HUGS to you all!