emotional rollercoaster

Hi all:

I'm new here...trying to decide if I'm going to do the hyst. thing. I'm 48, been having trouble with heavy, nonstop bleeding on and off for 3 years. I've had fibroid surgery and a D&C and tons of sonograms and biopsies...been doing the progestin thing....my doc is concerned about the hyperplasia reports that come back (even tho they are simple and without atypia)...

i've been resisting the hyst so far but i'm getting really tired of the emotional rollercoaster i can't seem to get off. i'm especially prone to depression and anxiety (getting treated well for it) that hit me hard...and it seems i am "pms" all the time...either my breasts are killing me or my back is or my ovaries are. or i'm bleeding all over the place. gees but i am tired of all this.

i guess i don't have any questions really. just putting my story out there...haven't wanted to go through the surgery but i'm beginning to think it might be worth it after all. oh dear now i'm all weepy....like i said...emotional rollercoaster...never know when these tears are going to hit.

Hi there, emotional rollercoaster!

First, you are not alone. Most of us have been there and we know how you're feeling. Don't beat yourself up.

Just a question. You say you're 48 years old. Have you talked to your doctor about how close you are to menopause? Would taking hormone therapy that throws you into menopause be a non-surgical option? Or do you have dysplasia?

One thing I would say is that this is an intensely personal decision and only you can make it. Please get all of the facts and make a choice you can live with. Also, be aware that what we go through (or went through - I'm uterus-free!!!!), just drags you down. It's the emotional and physical stress that you put your body through that eats at you.

If you want a little glimpse at the other side: I'm 12 days post-op, back to work and the rest of my life after a supracervical abdominal hysterectomy. The only thing I can't do yet is train for a triathlon I want to do. I had a little laugh today because I'm finding where I stashed tampons and pads all over my house and office. If I had ever wanted them, I wouldn't have known where they are but I think I'll be finding them for years. It's a huge relief to me that it's all over. I now know that once I heal this time, I don't have to go through this again in three weeks.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

A hyst is a major surgery that is not without risks so it is actually very wise to be cautious! And many women feel very emotional when dealing with gyn issues, especially when the hormones are involved!

While progestin may stop bleeding, too much progestin or progesterone can cause depression. This may be what is happening in your case.

I would strongly suggest at least a second medical opinion regarding what is best for you. Find out how important it is too aggressively or not aggressively treat the hyperplasia. You may even want to consult with a GYN/oncologist who might be able to advise you as to what would be best.

Ask your doctor(s) what other treatment options might be available besides a hysterectomy. My first treatment options for the constant bleeding were birth control pills (several different ones), then a lap, hystereoscopy and D & C. It was during the lap that my endometriosis was diagnosed and since the D & C did not stop my bleeding, I had my hyst a few weeks later. As I had complications with my hyst, I was glad I had researched all my options and knew I had made the best decision for me.

I wish you all the best and hope you and your medical team can come up with the right treatment plan for you! s

Thanks both of you for your suggestions. I've tried a number of different hormones/birth control pills and the only thing that stopped the bleeding is progestin--though recently that doesn't seem to be working as well. I've had a D&C--didn't help and a hysterascopy. I had fibroid surgery.

I do know the progestin is playing a major number on my emotions--and actually that is what is moving me towards having the hysterectomy--I just can't stand to be on it much longer. Probably I should get a 2nd opinion--I guess I am realizing (through writing about all of this) I really am at the end of my rope. I want my life back.

I've been fighting this for 3 1/2 years; my gyn has been very conservative in treating it--not pushing the hysterectomy at all. in this last appt, tho, she said, "this is major surgery; we don't do it lightly or quickly and it is time for you to start thinking seriously about it."

I think that sometimes we want reassurance from others that we can really only get from ourselves. I had made the decision to go ahead with the hysterectomy before I even spoke to my doctor, because, like you, I am at the end of my rope with the bleeding and chronic pain.

However, once it was schedule and became more of a "reality", I started second-guessing myself, "Well, maybe I CAN live with the pain....", or "Maybe the pain isn't all that bad....."

BUT after doing more research, another conversation with my doctor, my husband, family members and my hystersisters, I realized that I AM making the best decision for me -- that no one else can tell me if it's right or wrong for me, (besides my doc, of course)and this IS what I really want (although I DO wish it wasn't necessary in the first place!) Also, I have come to the understanding that feeling scared, nervous anxious and emotional about this surgery doesn't mean that I'm not sure, it means that I'm human and this is major surgery with risks and if I wasn't all of those things, there would really be something wrong with me. So I'm learning to "deal" with the fear, accept it, and know that I'm doing what's best for me!

Sorry to ramble, I hope you get the point and it comes across the way I intend, as supportive and empowering.

I think sometimes we look to others for reassurance and validation, and although that may be ok to a certain extent, no matter what other people think, we have to walk in our own shoes and be able to deal with the decisions we make.

This is such an emotional decision! Educate yourself, get a second opinion if you feel you should, and come here often for support.....you don't have to make any decisions until YOU are ready.


Christine

I have spent some time resisting the decision as well, so I understand that mix of emotions. You have received some good suggestions on this thread.

One thing I did which has helped a lot: I started a journal to keep track of my symptoms. I track bleeding and pain. I've been doing the tracking since February and it has helped me to see how much this has affected my life. Whenever I feel okay and I think "It's not so bad," I check my chart and I realize... it is bad, and the symptoms will start again, as they have all year long. There's nothing like evidence to help you decide.

Lysippe,
That is a really good point. I was just thinking the same thing last night. My hubby was asking, well what are you going to do? I haven't yet talked w/ doctor yet about it. I know she wants to try other things first. Really after reading on here, I see alot of the time it doesn't work, and I'm dead set against ablation due to cancer in my family.

I was thinking last night, well maybe it isn't as bad as I think it is. That was on day 13 of my period. The last two days had been rather light, then WHAMMO this morning it came back, cramps and all. It IS that bad for me anyway. I just think how soon we forget what the cramps and blood are like. I hadn't even finished and I'd forgotten. Well, got my wake up on that one!

Ah, thanks all of you for joining me in this place. Christine, your words are wise and they hit a chord with me. I really hadn't realized how far along in my decision I was until I started writing here. I've tried so many different things--the only thing that "helps" in aygestin (a progestin) but I put that in quotes because each I came of the aygestin to have a "normal" period I crashed BIG BIG time--major depression. Since I'm already genetically programmed in that direction, that has not been a good thing for me.

I, too, have been keeping a journal of my symptoms and meds since Feb--and it is amazing to look at objectively. For example to see that 15 or 16 days of bleeding is not unusual; that 5 days of such severe depressive dysfunction a month was so typical that I arranged my schedule around it. Yes, I can choose to continue to live that way--and there is a great deal of power in having that choice. I *think* though that I've come to a place where I just can't do it any more. Especially the depression and the way it distorts my reality. I function pretty highly in my world--I'm a faculty chair and the president of my church's congregation and I enjoy both of those roles when I am having good days. But when I am of the aygestin, forget about it. I feel as if the world is against me...no one understands...I'm a total loser...ugh!

I actually chose to go off anti-depressants AND hormones for three months (over the summer and during the semester break) to see if my cycle would bounce back to normal on its own, after a year of meds. Had no period from June 1 until Aug 3--paradise. And then it hit me hard. Really really really hard--major depression and anxiety, heavy uncontrollable bleeding...you name it. In fact, here I am almost 2 months later, still bleeding, still depressed, a new school year under way...and feeling like I've been run over by a whole convoy of semi-trucks. I did the aygestin thing for 2 weeks but it didn't help, so I'm off it for two more days--then go back on at a higher dosage to see if we can stop the bleeding, so I can have another sonogram next week.

Sorry this is so long. I'm so glad, though, that there are others who are still in the decision making process here--it is a different place than having the surgery scheduled.

I do pray blessings and peace for all of us--whatever we decide, in whatever part of the journey we happen to be in.

R.