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Didn't want more children, why am I sad? Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

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Unread 01-14-2012, 12:08 PM
Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I had my hysterectomy due to numerous problems I've had since I had twins 3 yrs ago. My husband & I didn't want anymore children (still don't) however lately I've felt like I'm less of a woman because of my surgery. It's hard to describe and I'm not sure why I feel this way. I'm happy that the problems I've had since surgery are now over but this feeling lately is hard to describe. Has anyone else experienced this?
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Unread 01-14-2012, 01:15 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I am going through some of those same emotions but I am an emotional wreck since having my surgery 11 days ago.
Unread 01-14-2012, 04:05 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

Yes I have those same feelings also. I knew I wouldn't have more children but that didn't mean I was at all ok with giving up my uterus. I don't feel the same now physically, mentally or emotionally. This is the most difficult thing I've gone through in my life. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Unfortunately all I can say is you're not alone.
Unread 01-14-2012, 04:52 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I also felt that way a week or two after my surgery. Even though I myself never wanted children. I think its just in our minds since we lost all our womenly parts. Mine went away within a week or two though. So I hope the same happens for you. Good luck on your recovery. Hugs and god bless
Unread 01-14-2012, 07:17 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

You are not alone! I too have been experiencing this. At 44 and my youngest being 13, I had no intention of having more children. However, I had a miscarriage in may from an unknown pregnancy.....and that is when they found my tumor, and we began plans to remove the uterus. I did not want more children, am very happy with the family size, yet for some reason, my surgery making that a permanent decision has made me moarn a bit. It is better now...but you are not alone, hang in there.
Unread 01-14-2012, 07:28 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

Feelin the same way I have 5 children the oldest is 8 and the youngest getting ready to turn 2 do not want any more but there is something about the option being permanently taken away when I see pregnant women or a newborn I get sad knowing I can never do that again
Unread 01-14-2012, 07:37 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I had my tubes tied after my youngest was born in 94, So I was obviously done having children. That said however, after I had my TAH in 2003, for quite some time I would dream that I was pregnant and when I woke up I was just totally and completely devastated! I would feel sooooo bad. almost as if I had really been pregnant and lost a baby. Whenever I would have one of those dreams and wake up that feeling of loss and total devastation would stay with me through out the day. Then I've go a few months without having the dream and then I'd have it again. Unfortunately I had that dream followed by that sense of loss off and on for well over a year! Our bodies and brains have their own way of coping with our loss I guess.
Unread 01-14-2012, 08:33 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I had similar feelings after my hyst. My dh had surgery after our last child, so we were done, and I was at peace with it. But, after my surgery, I did have some sadness as well.

I think maybe it had something to do with kind of figuring out who I am now. For the past few years my identity was wound up in my illness. My endo had become part of who I was, even with the awful cycles and bleeding and pain, it was who I was. And in sense, even though I was losing all that agony, I was also kind of losing my identity.

It took me several months to kind of work through all the emotions, and I am sure that fluxuating hormones and the fact that my recovery has been much longer and more difficult than I expected.

It was kind of like it took me a while to get my "land legs" back.

Now, at 18 months post op I am doing pretty well. I still struggle with depression sometimes, but over all I seem to be finding my way, my new normal, my new self.

I think for me, prayer and the prayers of those who love me, made a huge difference.
Unread 01-14-2012, 09:45 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

I think for me it feels much like how I felt after having a baby, that rush of emotion. As with that I hope this becomes a distant memory and not a huge grief I have suffered. Onward and upward!
Unread 01-14-2012, 10:35 PM
Re: Didn't want more children, why am I sad?

Had my hysterectomy Dec 20 and was completely sure I was done having kids, but the first week or two my hormones were all out of wack! Kept ovaries but hear they can "shut down" for a period of time? I would have times where I was really sad that I lost my womb and that that choice to have children was now taken away from me, feeling less than a woman, etc. Feelings were a complete surprise. BUT...I can say I am almost 4 weeks now and those feelings have passed still have some emotional moments but just in general... no longer grieving the loss of my womb!

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