My secret is out.

I posted here recently regarding uterine wall thickness. I had just gotten a diagnosis of uterine cancer and was curious about other's clinical findings. I didn't want my children to know of my diagnosis until my surgery (no reason for them to worry so long).My daughter(20) found this site for me so I was misleading in my post knowing she might read it. My daughter overheard a conversation I was having with her father and learned the news. She is now angry with me for not telling her. I feel terrible for lying to her but at the same time I don't think what I did was wrong. Any advice on how to make this right with her? My emotions are all over the place anyway, the last thing I need is this.

Melissa,
I think you need to go easy on yourself. You were trying to spare your children some pain. Your daughter probably feels betrayed, like you didn't trust her to handle it, to be an adult. She may also feel helpless to help you, and anger may be her outlet. Tell her you love her and need her love and support now. You and yours will be in my prayers.

Kim

Sit down and talk it oout if possible. She must understand that you needed to come to terms with it before everyone knows. I did not tell anyone about the possibility of cancer when I went in for my surgery. I knew I would have some problems about not telling everyone of the risk but decided it was my call on how much everyone (including family) knew. Good luck, you do not need this extra worry at this time.

Tracey

Be gentle with yourself! You are in a difficult situation, and there's just no workbook for it. Hopefully your daughter will come to see that. The main thing now is to get that surgery done and reclaim your life, and stress will not help you! Keeping you in prayer.



Peace.
Marlene

Well...it IS your personal business to some degree...yes, I know, that many may be effected, but you have the right to share as much or as little as you want. There are lot's of things that we as parents don't discuss with our kids...even our adult kids (though mine is only 6...so what do I know?). It's our job to PROTECT them from things they aren't prepared to deal with yet.

That being said, now that the beans are spilled, maybe you should sit down with your kids and explain as best you can your diagnosis, prognosis, plan of action...and WHY you chose to spare them some worry at this time. You know your kids best, and you are the best judge of what to tell or not tell.

Hang in there...your daughter obviously loves you and is worried, but you'll BOTH be OK!

I think that you have every right to have some private things about your life...

If you sit her down & explain your side of things I am sure she will understand...I mean Im sure shes not told you everything that has gone on in her life, who tells everything??

Its not like you were keeping a painful secret about her life from her, you were trying to protect her...thats our 1st line of defense as Mothers, protecting our children, no matter how old they are...she loves you & is just worried about you..surely she can see that you are human & as a human we are never perfect...

I hope that all goes well with everything in your life...I hope that you & your daughter heal things up before it gets any further...your family & that means something!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I had incredible problems telling my children and my mother/sisters. I just didn't want to talk about it. And I don't think it was that I didn't want them to know, but I didn't want to tell them until I knew everything. I didn't want them worrying if they didn't need to worry. I didn't want to answer questions with "well, I don't really know--we'll have to wait and see". And I didn't want to tell anyone until I was emotionally in control. What I didn't realize was that my entire family (young children included) was picking up on subtle clues and they were worried that something was REALLY wrong and that it was so bad I wouldn't talk about it. We finally all had to talk about it. There's a fair chance your daughter is not so much mad at you as that she's mad that you have cancer. And yes, I'm sure she's mad that she heard it in a manner other than straight from you. But then she's mad at a situation--not necessarily at you. The ladies are right--a good talk is in order. She's old enough to be able to respect the fact that you may have wanted some privacy with this early on as you were coming to terms with it. And now you have the opportunity to build an even stronger relationship with her. Remember that this was a shock to her as well. Cancer is not a pretty word to hear when it's affecting someone you love. Good luck with your talk.

I'd also like to invite you to come over and visit us on Cancer Concerns (click here). We have lots of ladies discussing all the various aspects of cancer, from chemo to relationships to work. Feel free to come over and see us.

I want to wish you a successful surgery, and a happy, healthy future!

Thank you so much ladies. I've talked to my daughter and she does understand (I think), but you are right, it is more her fear than her anger that she's dealing with. This child is so much like me and we are so close. Now that it's out, I'm almost glad because she is such a source of comfort for me. Now, I'm trying to hold positive thoughts and just get through this thing. Reading here helps me a lot. You're all wonderful, thank you!!!!