Upcoming hysterectomy: ''It's no big deal'' issues

Taking the advice here, I have tried to get help for post op. I have asked the few friends I have here, and talked to a few distant relatives I have, and even with my husband... I keep being told stuff along the lines of '' its not big deal, you will be fine, you won't need help after you get home from the hospital, ect''.
My husband is ''trying'' to be supportive, but he works a lot of hours. We have two kids, ages 10 & 7, and 5 days post op I am expected to be able to drive them back and forth to school, and to keep working ( I own my own biz and work from home, so he don't see while I can't work since I will be ''just sitting here anyway'') not to mention the cleaning and the cooking and everything else. He has to work, and there just isn't anyone else to help out.
I know the first few days he will be helpful, but after that, I will be expected to be better. I have bad reactions to pain meds, I get lightheaded and nausea, and the anti nausea meds don't help much, so I imagine I will be either in pain from not taking them, or high and sick from taking them.

I was asking a friend is she could stop by 4 days post op when hubby would be at work, and even though she is normally a very caring person, she actually told me '' you will be fine by then, they wouldn't let you come home from the hospital if you couldn't take care of your self''.

Examples of hubby is when I mentioned we should stock up on freezer stuff he said that ''he would handle dinner the first few days until I could'' and when I mentioned cleaning, he actually told me that '' the house can just be messy for a week until you can do it''.

This are not mean or uncaring people, it just seems like no one understand what big of a deal this will be. Maybe its just that it seems like a big deal to me and really won't be, I don't know. The more I try to talk to him about it, the more he seems to feel like I am making it out to be worse then it is and being a baby.

I really hope that I am one of the lucky ones that heals quickly and feels better fast, because I just don't know how I am going to do this. I am so stressed out right now I could literally cry, and I am not sleeping because all this is just running thru my head on top of all the normal problems everyone has. Any advice?

First of all, the stressing over everything that will need to be done and not sleeping are totally normal. I think we all do that.

Maybe you can write down how you are feeling or prepare yourself a script to talk to your husband and friends calmly and consistently. Let them know how important the recovery period is and if they don't give you the help and support you need in the beginning, you could end up needed help much, much longer by developing complications that come from doing too much too soon.

Enlist the help of your doctor too, your post-op orders should spell out your limitations after surgery. Share them with your family and follow them to the letter. If someone asks you to do something you aren't up to, just smile and say, "Sorry, I can't. Doctor's orders."

This surgery IS a big deal and you owe to yourself to have the recovery you deserve.

Best wishes!

Have them read the mr. Hyster sister on the website. Or have them read all the information and resources on the site. I know my husband didn't realize how major this was until my daughter and I sat down with him. He also talked to his brother in law about his sisier's. He is now not letting me do a lot of stuff, thank goodness... And this is 3 1/2 months now..

He needs to be at your Dr appointment so he can be informed this is a big deal.

Take him with you to your dr appointment and let the doctor read him the riot act! No lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk and no vacuuming for 6 weeks, no driving for at least 2 weeks, no lifting the laundry basket and carrying it in to the laundry room to do laundry. And that's if you are feeling great and not on pain meds!!! I also had a no bending order from the doctor so DH had to empty the dishwasher, too. This surgery is a very big deal no matter which procedure you have. The internal healing is the same no matter what!!!!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by bgocala Take him with you to your dr appointment and let the doctor read him the riot act! No lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk and no vacuuming for 6 weeks, no driving for at least 2 weeks, no lifting the laundry basket and carrying it in to the laundry room to do laundry. And that's if you are feeling great and not on pain meds!!! I also had a no bending order from the doctor so DH had to empty the dishwasher, too. This surgery is a very big deal no matter which procedure you have. The internal healing is the same no matter what!!!!

That's IF her doctor recommends that for her particular situation. Personally I was released for anything I felt comfortable with (lifting, sex, etc) by 2 weeks, and had no problems with anything. Driving the kids to school and some basic cooking by day 5 wouldn't have been fun, but it would have been totally doable. And DH is right, the house CAN get messy for a while. That's the last thing anybody should worry about.

While many people do need extra healing time, there is no point in scaring everybody into believing they will be miserable bed-bound cripples for months. I think taking hubby to the doctor to have the guidelines laid out is an excellent idea.

I personally wish I had a better idea of what to expect. All the literature about DvH made me feel like Id be fine in a week or so. NOT. I don't say that to scare anyone. My anxiety about this surgery was dying from it. I never thought much about pain or recovery. But I do wish I was more mentally prepared. This really has been a far bigger deal than I ever thought.

I say have hubby read this site. Some Drs can also be overly optimistic about recovery. Mine was. Didn't help my being so disappointed in myself.

I had LAVH and had a wonderful, uneventful recovery. I had everything removed, including ovaries. Never had pain or needed to take any pain meds stronger than Tylenol. On day 4 I went grocery shopping with DH, to Walmart on day 6 and a 1 1/2 hour drive at 2 weeks out (I was able to drive one way). I was not a "bed bound cripple"! That being said, I did have the driving, lifting, vacuuming restrictions that I mentioned in my above post. Maybe adhering to those limits help insure my uneventful recovery. At 7 weeks I am almost back to my old self and am not suffering from a swollen belly or extreme fatigue. And I am 64, so no spring chicken! Just saying that even though a person might feel great at one week post op doesn't mean there is lots of internal healing that needs to be done.