Concerned about absence of desire

reading this forum makes me feel like there is something terribly wrong with me!!! I am 47, in a loving relationship of 24 years! I adore my husband, but I really could care less about 'doing it'! I was reading the post op board, and there is so many "can't wait" and even where 1 member didn't wait (and enjoyed it just 2 weeks post op ).

I WANT to want to, but it's just not there and hasn't been for years. I enjoy my intimacy when we have it, but I force myself to get in the mood for my husband. Anyone else.. or should I bring this up to my doctor!!?

Hi Princess

My DH has always had a far higher sex drive than me but I do have my days when I am ready, willing and able without too much work on his part, and sometimes I initiate intimacy much to his delight.

We really are all different :-)

Have you always felt like this or is it only since surgery? If it is only since surgery I think I would talk to the Dr about it but if you have always felt like this it is just normal for you.

I love the phrase "Normal for you", my favourite Dr asked it many times and I think it is so helpful when you are talking about your body as only you know what is normal for you. I wish I hadn't moved away and could still go to him :-)

Hugs

Katy

Since I can no longer be the initiator, DH and I now have a pre determined "date night". A hug here, a kiss, there, through out the week (anything but actual intercourse) is basically a week of foreplay, and by the time "date night" rolls around I am ready, and so is DH (although it doesn't take much for him LOL) This seems to working for us.

Everyone has a different level of sex drive but if I were you, I would talk to my Dr even if it is just for your husband's sake. I am 45 and luckily am one of the ones who couldn't wait for the 6 week mark and all clear from the Dr. My DH actually let work early and was already at home when I got home from my appointment!

I haven't been interested in sex since I started having fibroid issues over 2 years ago. Now my surgery is over and I'm waiting for the 6 week all clear from my doctor I'm looking forward to giving it a try again. I don't know if it's an age thing or if it was a pain issue, we will soon find out if the desire is there again.

Well, I haven't had surgery yet, so can't blame that. I wasn't alway like this, but have been now for a long time. DH is sometimes frustrated, but we did set-up a few 'dates' which makes him happy. Like I said - once I am in the act - I enjoy it, but I wish that the desire would be there!

It wouldn't hurt to talk with your doctor about this. It sounds like you want to want it, so there may be something that can be done. Remember that there are so many things that play a part in our ability to be intimate. For example, when you have other things on your mind, worries, fears, bills, money, work, home life and relationships, etc. These can all zap our libido and therefor our sex drive goes down to zero.

Hopefully you are able to find a solution that works for you and your DH.

I wish you the best of luck with this and your surgery,
Cristy

I've been feeling the same way as Sissylala, I love being with my DH. But when it comes to intimacy I have no drive whatsoever.

I'm the same way. Some of it is from patterns that developed when a lot of family responsibilities made me too exhausted, and then 5 years ago I started having discomfort during intercourse, aggravated by both fibroids and both of us gaining weight. Now, the thought of sex is just "ugh." I've reminded my husband that it will take time to break out of these patterns and that he can't just expect everything to magically return to the way it was in our 20's 6 weeks after the surgery. I am hoping that without the pain, I will slowly begin to feel interest again.

There are more of us that feel the same way as you do. I am also one.
I haven't had surgery yet either but don't have much of a desire. My hubby is on meds for anxiety/depression so he also has no sex drive. We are quite the pair! It is harder for him to accept his lack than for me to accept my lack.
But we do still enjoy the kisses and hugging part!