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husband thinks you need second opionion
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02-21-2005, 11:25 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 2
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TVH
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husband thinks you need second opionion
i am due to have surgery the 28th of Feb. I am getting more scared as the day approaches, but the reliveve is even more fulfilling. The only problem I am having is that my husband thinks i need to get a second opionion. I trust my docter greatly and do not feel the same way. I have been having problems for almost a year and this surgery is more a relieve than anything. My husband on the other hand gets all this advice from other men and he is afraid that I won't be the same. He says "i am emotionally unstable and he feels this will make me worse" I only other hand feel like it will make me feel better, since i have felt so bad for so long. How can I convince my other half that this is what I need without having to get another opionion. sharinda
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02-21-2005, 11:37 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 22
Hysterectomy: February 28th, 2005
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Hey Girl
I'm going in on 2/28 also.
Maybe you should try and tell him this is half of why you are "mentally unstable" right now. I know this all seems scary right now, heck I don't think I could be trusted with anything real important right now. I'm too **** scared to remember my own name.
If you need shoulders we're all here. But I don't know what to tell you for sure about your hubby. Maybe that's just his way of showing he's scared also.
LV
Brandy, KS
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02-21-2005, 11:40 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 961
Hysterectomy: August 5th, 2004
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
You didn't say why your doctor recommended a hysterectomy.
It's wonderful to hear that your husband cares and wants to make sure that this surgery will address your issues and that you're fully aware of all the possible outcomes. (Though it sounds like he phrases it oddly.)
A second opinion does not mean that you have to ignore the first opinion. You could get a second opinion that contradicts your first opinion, that doesn't keep you from going ahead, it just gives you more information. This is a very serious procedure that can't be undone, it makes sense to explore every option before you go ahead.
Have you tried taking your husband to your surgical consult? I took mine so that he will understand the procedure, how it's going to help you and what your recovery will be like.
What sort of surgery are you going in for? Abdominal, vaginal or laproscopic? Will you be keeping your cervix? Your ovaries?
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02-22-2005, 06:10 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 6,053
Hysterectomy: February 5th, 2002
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
S
A hysterectomy can be a life altering surgery, for the good or bad. A second (or third, or even more) opinion is always a wise decision, regardless of the level of trust you have in your DR.
Although it is your body and your decision, it's harder if you don't have the full support of your family. As has already been mentioned - has your DH been to any apts with you? Had a chance to ask the DR questions and get his concerns addressed? If not, and you don't want to go for a second opinion maybe you can get an apt with your DR this week for you and your DH to go over those concerns, and hopefully he'll understand your point of view.
Best wishes.
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02-22-2005, 09:37 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 866
Hysterectomy: September 17th, 2004
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
I'm with your husband. A second opinion should be mandatory for elective surgery. Two doctors might give 2 different opinions. Each should have a good reason for what they recommend. Have your husband go with you. 2 pairs of ears sometimes hear things differently also.
Trust has nothing to do with this. It is nice and presumed that everyone has trust in their doctor. Doctors feelings are not hurt when a patient gets a second opinion-it is a standard, expected thing to do.
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02-22-2005, 09:56 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 163
Hysterectomy: January 13th, 2005
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
The reason I think you should consider the second opinion is your husband. I have read some disturbing reports of husbands turning against the recovering wife with a "you shouldn't have done this attitude" right after surgery. I don't know if they were just jerks, upset or had other issues making them act this way but I do know it isn't the kind of support a woman needs following this surgery. I think that since your husband has already expressed reservations it would be wise to involve him in this part of the decision making so he will be better able to accept the outcome. If he goes to the dr. apt with you be sure to lay out all your problems in graphic detail so he can not avoid hearing how much you suffer (even if you have already done this at home... DHs tend to hear three words then everything after it is blah, blah, blah)
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02-22-2005, 12:38 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 2
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TVH
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thanks
all of your advice was great thank you for the time. I am having a vaginal with bladder correction. I am keeping my ovaries and cervix as long as ovaries look ok.. thank you all again for your help
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02-22-2005, 12:59 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 379
Hysterectomy: February 11th, 2005
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
Are you having your surgery due to prolapse? If so, is there really anything else that can be done?
I would go ahead and have my DH go with me to the doc's... If he's still adamant about your getting a second opinion, go ahead and get it... Chances are that the second opinion will say the same thing. Keep in mind that you may have to go to your PCP to get a referral for a second opinion... if you don't, you may have to pay for the visit out of pocket.
Remember that your DH is looking out for your best interests. I'm sure that he doesn't want you to go through any unnecessary pain and suffering. If there is another option for you and the chances are good that it'll give you the relief that you seek, go for it. Hysterectomy is always an option later, if something else doesn't work... That said, if a hysterectomy is the only option that you have, you'll need your DH's support.
Stay Strong and Heal Well!!!
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02-22-2005, 01:56 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 185
Hysterectomy: June 16th, 2005
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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husband thinks you need second opionion
Your DH is just as nervous and "emotionally unstable" as you are. You know how many horror stories we hear, don't you wonder what they say without any women around???
My DH was first furious that I had to wait 2 months to see the gyn after the ultrasound. (This was also over the Christmas and New Year Holidays!). And then when the gyn went over the options, and gave me a mid-March date on January 7th. My DH thought we were rushing things!
Oh well....
As I mentioned on the other thread about DH's telling everyone. My opinion nor my gyn's opinion seemed to have as much credence as the dentist and his doctors.
Try and breathe slowly and remember DHs are very nervous too.
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