No help at all!

I am going to have no help at home besides my husband. He is only going to be home with me for the first 3 days then I'm on my own getting the kids off to summer school (they will ride the bus there and back home). My mother in law has not offerd to help she watches all 7 grandchildren for summer break and this includes an infant. I have no relationship with my mother, by the way she works and lives about 5 minutes from my house. Is there any advice on how to make this work on my own my two boys 12 and 5 constantly fight. I don't know how I am going to make it threw this. I am having a TAH.

Do you have any girlfriends that leave nearby or other family members that you can ask for assistance? It will be really important for you to rest as much as possible after surgery as you will only have one chance to recover properly.

Best wishes.

Best bet is to really figure who can help if family can't or won't. Sometimes high school or college kids can be hired to help get kids off to school and when they come home. That would only be a few hrs but could help. Do you belong to a church you could turn to for help? Did you used to go to church ever, or is there a church in the community that might have help, or know someone available for a couple hrs? Any friends or coworkers you could ask? If its for a short time in the day, and you're home, it could be easier to get help than all day. I'm not clear on how many kids you have---the 7, just the 2 boys, or did I miss it? Perhaps the kids could help by doing some things themselves, or preparing the night before? That goes beyond my level of knowledge. I know coworkers who get helpers to come get the kids out in the AM, hope you find someone for that too. Best wishes on your recovery.

Maybe one of your kids' babysitters could help you with them and your needs both.

i would line up some teenage help with the coming/going of the kids, and try to separate them in activities with other friends. Maybe ask the friends parents to have them over to visit after school. I operate a childcare facility out of my home and can only afford to miss 2 weeks of work. I have planned to take back all 6-8 kids (including an infant) the beginning of my 3rd week (worried though). I have a few friends lined up to cover shifts during busy times. I too have kids that just argue and wrestle meanly all the time. I made activity centers to keep their interests and each child will rotate around centers to keep them separate at least for a while.

Thank's for the reply's. I am taking at least 6 wks off from work,I have had two previous c-sections and my gallbladder removed. My husband is very supportive and I am hoping for the best. I am trying to get everything done ahead of time bills, frozen meals and the house cleaned top to bottom. It's not the surgery that scares me it's recovery. I really run my roost and like it that way.

Hi Ann,

I think being prepared is one of the best things you can do. I too am a "doer" & like it that way. One of the toughest aspects of recovery is in stepping back & letting some things go. We only get 1 chance at recovery & we need to give ourselves the best chance we can.

Best of luck
J

Ann,
Tell your boys that you will need them to help you out ALOT around the house. Maybe set "jobs" for them like getting you something to drink or wiping the counters. You will need to sleep alot the first few days at home. I think you might be able to shuffle along to get the off in the AM. But I don't think you will be able to do breakfast for them. Buy easy things that they can do themselves. Rest up the rest of the day. Plan a nap. Be ready for the PM. But don't plan to things for more than 30 minutes at a time (that's pushing it!). Plan for an easy snack when they return. Maybe sandwiches?? I hope this helps.

Ann76, one thing that helps me wrangle my 3 kids (6, 8, 13) is a list of what they need to do, morning, afternoon, and evening. Things like, empty backpack, brush your teeth, etc. So instead of me chasing them all over the house, I can say, have you done everything on the list?

Also, I think the idea of hiring a teenager is a great one. You have a bit of time to find one -- even someone as young as 14 or 15 should be helpful, even if she or he only watches the 5 year old for you.

I think the suggestions of help from friends or hiring a teenager to help is terrific. I had a TAH 15 days ago and I know you will need some assistance. You are going to need lots of rest....a body that is resting...is healing. You will have days that you just don't feel well at all and you have to take it easy. You get only once chance to heal properly. You don't want to over do it and cause yourself problems. My husband wasn't able to be home with me very much at all. He works full time, and in addition, now that I'm out of commission, he's working and running the cafe we own. I have a tendancy to get a little frustrated when he seems cranky, but I have no right....the man is a saint! He's only getting to sleep for maybe 3 hours at a time....if he's lucky. I'm fortunate that we don't have young children...the youngest is 22 years old. The most I have to do for anyone, other than myself is let our dog outside and make sure she has food & water. The good news there is she is older, doesn't want to go out so much and unlike young children...doesn't complain about her food. I wish you the best. Please keep all us hystersisters updated. You will learn that this web site is a blessing, as you will have questions and are sure to find the answers here...from women that are going through the same issues as you are.