My mom is unsympathetic-

My mom is driving me nuts and the *weird* thing is she had HER hysterectomy last August!

Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to edit my post to include more information so here it is...
I don't feel my mom is very sympathetic or positive about what I am going thru. This will be the first time I will have to stay at a hospital, entrust my care to a doctor i only met for 45 minutes (but I like him and he was my second opinion), and deal with possible pain of which I have never thought of before. I'm scared and she acts as if I were just going to the dentist. She suggested to me that I come back to work with 4 weeks because at 2 she was ready. She didn't come back at 2 because I told her it was her doctor's orders that she not work until 6.(We work together so she knows exactly what type of work we do which involves standing alot and dealing with cranky people) I told her, I am not her and cannot compare to her experience until I've had mine. I am so MAD at her! I don't expect her to stay at my home with me (My sister will and we get along better) nor do I want any help from her, just a little understanding which apparently she has none of.
Thank you for letting me vent. Its just so hurtful that my own mother who had her hysterectomy not too long ago and yes, had absolutely no complications to treat me like its nothing because that was how she dealt with it. I was there to help her when she needed it and I don't intend to count on her helping me.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these types of emotions before your first surgery. Mom's sometimes just don't realize what they do to their daughter's, do they?

You are so right that everyone heals differently and recovers on a different schedule. I think you should listen to your doctor as to when you come back to work, not your mom. After all, he's the expert, right? It does no one any good at all to try to be tougher than the next person, or to try to be the hero. This is a MAJOR surgery, and your feelings should be validated.

I know it hurts to have a loved one not want to acknowledge your feelings. You have a whole bunch of women out here, though, who do understand, and we feel for you. Remember that, ok? Let us know how you're doing....hang in there....

God Bless....

Lori

(((Hugs)))) it hurts when that sort of thign comes from relations whats more your own mom. I had problems whenI lived with my typical old world chinese MIL and although Im chinese myself i clashed alot with her on post partum hygiene . Thankfully I now have my own roof . mei

Seatledweller-

First, had to look back at your bio to see your age and quesstimate your mother's age-(your birthdate is the same as mine-but I'm a few years older) Anyway, one thing to remember is that mother comes from a generation not used to questioning the almighty MD. What they say goes, and don't look to them for any moral support, and for heavens-sake, don't ask any questions. She may not have done as good as she said she did, and she may have many unresolved questions of her own and she might not able to deal with your fears, if she hasn't dealt with hers. That's unfortunate and forgive me if I'm wrong. But it does sound like you do have good relationship with your sister and that's a good thing! Good luck to you, you'll do just fine.

PDB

Oy Families!
The things that our mothers do to us without even realizing it is very sad indeed. I know in my little family, both my parents made me feel entirely diminished for years! I have had what most people would say is a d**n hard life, I won't bore you all with the details. I learned really early on, to pick myself up, get dusted off, and keep on chuggin. In the process, they got in the habit of minimizing everything and I just felt like I didn't even exist as a person to them. I think the experience that turned the corner for them was when my son was in ICU in a life and death condition, and they happened to be bystanders as my ex-husband and I had an emotional meltdown together after not speaking for years and years. I think watching their "little girl" have the whole gamut of emotions before their eyes made them realize that I am a person as well as their child. Moms sometimes think it is their job to be strong and off hand about what their daughters are going through as kind of a "magic spell" that nothing bad will happen. The stock phrases such as "You'll be fine", and "This surgery isn't so bad, lots of ladies have it", are the internal self saying that it can't deal with anything bad happening, so I won't acknowledge that it could.
Be glad for your sister and lean on her. Best of luck to you. Leslie

Seattledweller,

Don't let mom upset you. You have the right to do what you need to do for you. I know that when I am sick or emotional or hurt, my mother too, will tell me that everything will be fine and that I have nothing to worry about, but I tell myself that she has always been hard on me because she thinks of me as a tough person who will not let things keep her down. When I told her that I am taking the whole 6 weeks off my job, she looked at me and asked if I needed all 6. I told her probably not but I want them. She just smiled and let it go. We, as mothers, do not want to think of our children as being down or hurt or out of it. I am like that with my sons. I would never tell them that something is less than what it is but the old school did teach them that way. Don't be so hard on mom. If you work with mom, maybe she doesn't think the job can go on without you or no one can do your job like you can and she depends on you being there. Just reassure her that you will be back but you have to take care of yourslef first and foremost. Stick to sis and she will help you get through this just fine but try to keep mom in the loop, I am sure she will appreciate that. Good Luck.

Lisa

boy i wish i had your mother. mine is driving me crazy for the total opposite reasons. she is suffacating me to death. just today she couldnt reach me because i was on line so she began calling my daughter to track me down. she also gets soooo down about evrything thats going on with me that i have to reassure her and try to put her in a positive state of mind. it gets embarrassing to be mothered at 39. i dread the hospital tomarrow she wants to go with me and my husband at the time of admission. they said i can only have one family member in and of course i chose him i really dread her finding that out glad ill be WELL UNDER
so be careful what you wish for
but we gotta love em right???? lol