not losing our womanhood

Hi Mellie,

About 10 years ago, I was scheduled to have a cyst removed from my right ovary, and then ended up taking the ovary and fallopian tube due to a tumor. I was really surprised by the sense of loss that I felt after the surgery - like I wasn't really a woman anymore. Now, I know that alot of that had to do with all of the hormones that were going crazy at the time. But, as I get closer to going to the castle I know that it's going to be a real possibility again. I've tried to mourn my loss ahead of time - do a little crying, a little feeling sorry for myself - that sort of thing. I've also tried to visualize what my life is going to be like free from pain, the ability to have/enjoy sex again, to be released from worrying if I'm going to ruin plans that people have made because I can't go. I've also tried to stop viewing my uterus as my friend - because friends don't treat you like it's treating me these days! I guess I'm trying to see it not as something to mourn, but as something to celebrate.

Good luck - and I hope maybe this has helped in a very small way!!!

Jennifer

Hi Mellie and all

I am several months out from my hyster and "renovations" and still dealing with some problems from my bladder repair. Hopefully at some point it will all be cleared up.....

Your post struck a note in me. I confronted head-on the feelings you are describing about 1 week after my surgery. I was off the heaviest of the drugs, battling terrible bowel issues, very depressed and out of sorts and then *wham* this little voice in my head started telling me "you're not even a woman anymore". I tried to shut the little snot up, but she kept coming back when I was feeling my absolute worst and really making the bad moments horrible. And honestly, I don't get it.....I had had one ovary removed the year before and they took my uterus but left an ovary this time so it wasn't like it was just a hormonal response. I just knew I had to figure out what to do about this wench one way or the other because she really was messing with my head so I faced her, literally, in the mirror.

My husband had been helping me with my shower time but I told him I just needed a little extra time one day and stood in front of the mirror. I had 3 abdominal incisions (same as the year before), 2 more by my pubic bone, and was very blessed that I had no swelly belly. I stood in front of the mirror looking at the odd patterns of my hair as they had trimmed some for the pubic incisions. I found a reason to laugh in looking at one rather odd *tuft* that had been left intact that I promptly named my "tribble" and removed once I was no longer on any drugs! No scissors while on drugs! lol I carefully ran my fingers over my incisions feeling the ridges and the swelling there. I stood for a while looking at my breasts, noting that much to my dismay they hadn't made them larger while I was out but yes they were in fact still there just "hanging out"! My waist was the same, the little extra flab on my thighs still there, my hips were the same, eyes looking a bit tired and drugged but still the same, yup....it was me. So what about me wasn't a woman anymore? I didn't want anymore children at my age and I would never have to fight a period again so why the sense of loss? There really was no reason for it. My husband kept telling me I looked so beautiful to him even when I knew I looked like (better not say or I'll be edited! lol). My body parts that had been taken had served a wonderful purpose but now were causing me bad days so why be upset......I didn't cry over my lost tooth or split ends when they were removed?

So I resolved to turn it around. I looked at the whole thing as a gift and told myself I was in many ways more of a woman because I had had control over making the decision to end my pain. I told the little wench that she could have my periods, my cysts, my endo, my pain, all of it if she thought that was what defined me as a woman but that I was moving forward. We still battle some days, more so because of the ongoing bladder problem (a whole other story!) but not because of the loss of any other parts. I'm more whole, I'm much healthier, and overall I'm happy with my decision.

I know this may all sound trite and pat but we all get where we need to go by doing what works for us. This worked for me. I needed to SEE my body and know that nothing had really changed but rather it was all renewed in many ways. I'm embracing the chance to live without all the problems. I hope you all find your way afterwards and if you ever struggle, confront yourselves in the mirror. You will see that YOU are still really there!

peace
K

Hi everyone...

I was viewing my hysterectomy in a very positive way as I had prolapse problems for years, with the uterus as the main culprit.I wanted it out, so that it would not cause any further trouble and it turned out that it was on its way out anyway...... so imagine how surprised I was to feel guilty about feeling this way about it after the surgery and having a little weep about it going. End of an era I suppose...

Anyway, this emotional blip passed quite quickly and changed to delight at no further tampons ,periods , discomfort etc... and I never looked back. I have never felt that I lost my womanhood in letting an organ go that had done a good job in its time, but had become a rather disruptive employee.

I was thinking about this today. What does make us women? I don't think of my organs as making me who I am. I think of "me" making me who I am. And if this surgery means I am going to be in less pain, have more freedom and feel better, then maybe I will be a better me. I'll still be ME! Just less of me! My friend was trying to find out how much a uterus weighs so she could see how much weight I would lose right off the bat. But I don't think it works that way! If it did, I would have lost weight after my kids instead of gaining! Someone did tell me today that there may be a period (pun intended!) of sadness for what I don't have anymore. But I need to focus on what I do have instead. We'll see when I get there!