having a really bad day

Ever since the surgery has been scheduled, I have felt anxious, and angry and just so nervous and upset I don't even know how to explain it. For months I have gone back and forth about whether or not to have the surgery and it seems that once the decision to schedule it was made I feel more freaked out than ever before. I keep telling myself that it is just a date and that I can change my mind any time I want to, but it doesn't do much to make me feel better.

Back in March when all the doctors started telling me there was no real hope for pain relief other than a hysterectomy I was devastated. I couldn't even bring myself to think about it without bursting into tears. I have struggled all these months to come to terms with it and I thought I was doing okay for the most part. But now, I am back to bursting into tears at the mere thought of it and being so upset that it has come to this. I guess part of me kept hoping all these months that something might change and I wouldn't have to do this, but nothing is going to change is it? Of course not.

Has anyone else gone through this? Freaked out once the date was official and it wasn't just a "possibility" anymore? It seems so much more real and scary now and I don't know how I'm supposed to go through two more months of this pain and fear.

Just having a really, really bad day here.

I am so sorry that things are so rough for you right now. It sounds like you have a ton of physical problems, and you are trying to do what's right for your health. It is a big decision. I totally freaked out when the dr. suggested it to me. I hadn't even thought about it before. I was scared to death, and although I have had a few difficulties because of the surgery, I am way better off since I had it. (These are being taken care of.) My moods are much more stable. I have little dips in mood instead of massive swings. I also have much more sex drive, and there is no more menstrual (sp?) pain or bleeding. It has been life changing for me, but in a good way.

--RamonaD
4/5/04 left SO; 6/7/04 LSH, kept cervix & right ovary

Hi lostincanada,
Yes, I know how you feel! I had put my surgery off for three years from fear. I had no real symptoms of problems. After my surgery was scheduled, I became a real schizo! I swore no one knew or could understand how I was feeling. I drove everyone in the house nuts. I cried all the time thinking I was doing the wrong thing. I'm glad I did it now. During the surgery my doctor found things we didn't know I had. Fibroid tumers, and I had a cyst on my ovary growing around my bowels. I hope you feel better soon. I will pray for you! I guess it's just the knowing you have no choice now! Take care!

I know exactly how you feel. I put off my surgery for 7 years until the pain was no longer tolerable. Now that it is scheduled I am cleaning non stop and have no idea as to what to expect. I am constantly getting snippy wanting them to learn to clean better so I dont have to worry about it while recovering etc. When I catch myself being a royal pain I have to take a step back and realize it my nerves and fears at play more then it is anything else. I will say that finding this place has made it a lot easier knowing there are so many others out there going thru the same emotions. Take comfort in knowing others know exactly how you feel and are here for you to help you and comfort you.

*hugs*

Yes, I was very freaked out once the date was set.
I really didn't not want the surgery. But, it became
very clear that I have to have the surgery.

I have been a nervous wreck. But, on the other hand
I just want to get it over with.

I was scheduled for a TAH on Monday, but it was just
rescheduled less than an hour ago. Now I am crying because
I have to wait another week. If they don't reschedule again.

I just want to get it over with now and get on with my life.

Thanks to this site I found out that it is normal to be scared!
Everyone here is so thoughtful and helpful!
It makes it easier to talk to other Ladies that understand!!!

Lots of Hugs To You!
Mary

Dear Lost,

Don't worry.........I know easier said than done. I am confident that with your medical history, you will feel so much better after recovery. I am glad I didn't have to wait as long as you do for surgery. Mine is coming up on Wednesday. I found out 5 weeks ago. And that is plenty of time to fret. I've been told by a lot of woman that the waiting is so much worse than the actual surgery and recovery.

I know how you go back and forth with did I make the right decision. For me Tuesday was the day I told myself YES, this is the right decision. It took me 3 minutes to empty my bladder that morning (twisting and turning to get the flow going). That night I couldn't sleep because of mild crampyness either.

I'm 46 and have large fibroids 5 month size. Although I did not have heavy periods or a lot of pain, just the bladder issues are enough to convience me its the right thing to do.

Barb

Hi Lostincanada,
I can totally relate to what you are feeling. I had been told over a year ago that this was going to happen and I thought I was prepared but once the date (7/21/04) was set, I turned into a basket case.
I was diagnosed with multiple fibroids back in 96 but the Gyn & I have been able to keep them in control with BCP and hormones. After the bottom dropped out (they grew to a 20 month preg. size) I bled for 3 weeks straight till they got me on tract.
Try and take your decision one day at a time. See if maybe you would want to schedule a second/ and or third opinion.
For me I know this is the best decision and most of my issues are the fear of being operated on. I have not had major surgery unless you count a tonsilectomy at age 5 (I'm 42) and my biggest regret is not ever being able to have kids. Can hardly say that out loud.
So what I try and do is feel what I am feeling at the moment and try & move through it. Cry when I need to, yell, feel sorry for myself, get angry and second guess my decision for the surgery. But I know in my heart it is the right thing to do.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I hope you find peace with your decision very soon.
Much love,
Shari

Hi, I think everyone is at least somewhat anxious and nervous about this surgery. It looks like you have tried many things to help alleviate your pain apparently with little help and thus your doctors are now recommending a hysterectomy. I can understand your anger that there may be no other way except surgery for relief. If you really have serious doubts about having the surgery, please get a second or even third opinion and perhaps if these doctors also recommend surgery as the only possible way to relieve the pain that would give you more peace of mind. I am sending many s and hope you can find some real peace soon. Blessings, peggiesue

Dear Canada,
I understand what you're feeling completely! I burst into tears twice today before noon! I am not normally a crier... But the pain and pressure keeps me from sleeping... the lack of sleep makes me moody... the moodiness adds to my pressure and stress... the stress adds to my pain... the pain keeps me from sleeping....

SOMEBODY STOP THE MERRYGOROUND!!! I WANT OFFFFFFFF!!!!!

It's been a particularly bad day... But God is good... He invented Saturday!!! And chocolate... and summertime... and good friends.

I put this surgery off for 11... yes eleven years!!! Fear, misinformation, stupidity, lack of insurance at one point... It is now time and I am ready!!!!

Hang in there sweetie! You are NOT alone!

Dont feel like you are alone! i have known for 2-3 years that I was going to have this surgery and i just kept putting it off until i couldnt put it off anymore, it was always in the back of my mind that this was going to happen and i alway thought that when it did i was going to be just fine, just another trip to the doctor. I had come to relaization years ago that i was never going to have childern of my own and was fine with that my step daughter was enough, but now finding out this week that i will hit my fate on sept 7 i have been scared confused and sad about the whole thing, i think having it in the back of my mind was ok but no i know it is really final and all the old feelings of emptyness and confusion are back. i am happy that it is going to all be over with soon and i wont have to worry about the pain anymore but this is it its final the decision has been made for me. thats what bothers me. if you ever need someone to lean on im here for you we can lean on each other! take care and give yourself a big hug!!