Getting emotional - Husband concerns

Surgery is in 6 days. Let me start my stating that normally, my husband is one of the most attentive, emotionally supportive and thoughtful husbands out there. However, he doesn't seem to be too concerned or curious about this surgery and what we could be facing afterwards. Last week, I directed him to the Mr. Hyster Sisters link to do some reading, which he did. Unfortunately, he only spent about 5 minutes looking at information and that is all. This week we were faced with the added news that I have complex atypical hyperplasia, which is pre-cancerous, and now I can't keep my ovaries as previously planned. I have been consumed the last several days researching and reading everything I can to prepare myself. My husband really hasn't said anything about the surgery or the new diagnosis other than he's glad that they caught it early because he wants me to be OK. I asked him last night if he had been looking up or reading any more information on what is happening. He said that he hadn't and then proceeded to tell me that he's been too busy at work to think about it and that he had already read some on the link I gave him last week. Of course, in my mind, I equated that with, he just doesn't care and I spent the next 15 minutes in the bathroom hiding and bawling my eyes out. I feel like he should be more concerned or at least show it. My mom said that my dad was very quiet and reserved when she was going through her hysterectomy after I was born and said that it was normal for men.

I don't want to keep bringing this stuff up to him over and over if he doesn't want to talk about it. My pre-op is on Monday, surgery on Tuesday. I asked him if he would like to go to the pre-op appointment with me since I would be meeting with the surgeon and that she would be able to answer any questions he might have. He proceeded to tell me that he didn't have any questions but reluctantly agreed to go with me.

First off, hugs to you surgery sister since we share a surgery date.

I think overall men just tend to process things differently than us. Maybe he is concerned but doesn't want you to see it and get stressed further.

I almost wish my husband would have taken more of an attitude like this. Instead he's turned it into more about him and how he really hopes nothing goes wrong causing me to not be able to take care of his needs once I'm healed. And he sort of felt, well, you've dealt with the pain and issues all this time so maybe you should just keep dealing with them and not have the surgery. Luckily, he's been quiet about it in the past week or so but I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear a few more dumb comments on our way to the hospital.

and Sorry you are having these issues with this. I am 4 weeks post op from a TAH. My husband was quiet about my surgery also. He didn't have any questions he wanted answered or anything. His only statement on it was that if the doctor felt I needed surgery then he supported it. He didn't go to any of my apts. or anything. But when surgery time came he was just as nervous as I was. He has also been the best a person could ask for after surgery doing the cooking and cleaning and just really supportive of the whole healing process. Most men just don't understand the womanly issues and don't know what to ask or do to make us feel better about things so they leave it up to us and our doctors. The waiting is the hardest part. Just know that we are here for you when you need us.

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Originally Posted by grgapchtx Surgery is in 6 days. Let me start my stating that normally, my husband is one of the most attentive, emotionally supportive and thoughtful husbands out there. However, he doesn't seem to be too concerned or curious about this surgery and what we could be facing afterwards. Last week, I directed him to the Mr. Hyster Sisters link to do some reading, which he did. Unfortunately, he only spent about 5 minutes looking at information and that is all. This week we were faced with the added news that I have complex atypical hyperplasia, which is pre-cancerous, and now I can't keep my ovaries as previously planned. I have been consumed the last several days researching and reading everything I can to prepare myself. My husband really hasn't said anything about the surgery or the new diagnosis other than he's glad that they caught it early because he wants me to be OK. I asked him last night if he had been looking up or reading any more information on what is happening. He said that he hadn't and then proceeded to tell me that he's been too busy at work to think about it and that he had already read some on the link I gave him last week. Of course, in my mind, I equated that with, he just doesn't care and I spent the next 15 minutes in the bathroom hiding and bawling my eyes out. I feel like he should be more concerned or at least show it. My mom said that my dad was very quiet and reserved when she was going through her hysterectomy after I was born and said that it was normal for men. I don't want to keep bringing this stuff up to him over and over if he doesn't want to talk about it. My pre-op is on Monday, surgery on Tuesday. I asked him if he would like to go to the pre-op appointment with me since I would be meeting with the surgeon and that she would be able to answer any questions he might have. He proceeded to tell me that he didn't have any questions but reluctantly agreed to go with me.

My husband didn't read up on my surgery and didn't really understand much about the specifics of it.

Honestly though he was just as scared as I was, he just didn't want to worry me more and feel like he put any pressure on me one way or another.

Most men are complete babies when it comes to medical stuff.

However, our husband's think different than us, they want to say and do the right thing, but they don't know what that is, so instead they freeze like a deer in the headlights.

Don't let this bother you, your husband loves you, he's just not sure how to show his support and doesn't want to do the wrong thing.

Us HysterSisters are always here to talk and provide the emotional support you need.

We're always here to give you a big

Thank you all for your support. He did come home for lunch today and we had a nice talk. He did finally confide in me and said that he felt like he might not be doing enough but doesn't know what to do to help me. Honestly, I don't know what to tell him to help me either. I think the emotional roller coaster I have been on the last few days has really freaked him out further.

He also said that he feels like I am obsessing and reading too much and that it is stressing me out even more. He asked me to please not read so much online. He also said that there is nothing we can't handle that comes our way and doesn't think it is unhealthy for me to worry about stuff that might not even happen and we need to just deal with what we have right not and deal with other stuff if and when it comes. I love that man.