I feel like such a coward!!!

Today I got a text from a friend saying she had delivered her baby yesterday. A lovely little boy, that she went through a lot to get. At first I was sending congratualtions and was determined to go see her at the hospital since she had to have a c-section.

Later in the morning i came across pictures of the new wee one and I welled up with tears and knew I couldn't go to the hospital as I was completely overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. I did not want to cry in front of her or have to make a hasty retreat to cry in private. I politely bowed out and explained (she is aware of my situation and understands and i begged forgiveness). Then I was left alone with my thoughts and went to take a nap and block everything out.

I feel like such a coward and like I have let my friend down. I am truly happy for her but just overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. Anybody else face a situation like this??? How did you cope???

I completely understand you have to take care if you first!!! Reading your story made me feel like Finally someone else knows how I feel

	Quote:
Originally Posted by vampirequeen Today I got a text from a friend saying she had delivered her baby yesterday. A lovely little boy, that she went through a lot to get. At first I was sending congratualtions and was determined to go see her at the hospital since she had to have a c-section. Later in the morning i came across pictures of the new wee one and I welled up with tears and knew I couldn't go to the hospital as I was completely overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. I did not want to cry in front of her or have to make a hasty retreat to cry in private. I politely bowed out and explained (she is aware of my situation and understands and i begged forgiveness). Then I was left alone with my thoughts and went to take a nap and block everything out. I feel like such a coward and like I have let my friend down. I am truly happy for her but just overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. Anybody else face a situation like this??? How did you cope???

vampirequeen,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure your friend understands and will forgive you. It's important that you take care of yourself right now and focus on your health. You can restore your friendship at a later time. Take care.

I had a slightly similar situation. Days after I miscarried my baby, my SIL announced she was pregnant. By the time she delivered my marriage had ended and I had no chance of pregnancy in the foreseeable future. I had a very difficult time visiting her and my new nephew in the hospital. But I was able to do it and truly felt happy for my brother and SIL, and I am glad for that. I mentally separated their baby from my situation. Really, their baby had nothing at all to do with mine. And I realized it was perfectly ok to feel sad for me and happy for them at the same time. I did however still cry when I got to my car that day at the hospital. Not sure if this makes sense, or I'm explaining it right.

Be kind and patient with yourself. Don't force yourself to do anything you know you're not able to do. But you will likely be glad later if you are able to take part in this special moment in your friend's life.

Hugs, Honey. I know your heart is hurting. This is a very difficult surgery and I had a very hard time giving up my uterus and my fertility. Keep in mind you are doing what is best for your health.

You are not alone, and you are not a coward. Good friends understand your feelings - or if they don't understand at least they can deal with them. I am in a somewhat similar situation where a friend is expecting to adopt an infant any day now, and I am 6 weeks post op. It hurts to even think about it, since I really wanted more (my DD was a miracle of fertility treatment 3 years ago) but I am still happy for her. We are also in the middle of an international adoption, but it has taken 3 years so far - our new DH will be at least 3 when she finally arrives. I named her and have missed all the baby milestones! I am not sure how I will react when my friends infant arrives. I hope our friendship is strong enough...II hope I am strong enough. I have already warned her.

My daughter went through a similar situation when she was pregnant with her twin girls. Her best friend was having major fertility issues and refused to have any communication with her throughout the pregnancy and birth. I will say it hurt my daughter but she did understand. They reunited two years later after her friend adopted a baby. My daughter was very forgiving and they remained close until her friend moved away.
Like sugarandspice said, if you can find a way to share this with her, then try. If not, don't beat yourself up about it. You are going through enough already.

Take care.

Thanks for all the support and kind words ladies!!!
My friend totally understands. I have encouraged and supported her through her pregancy (she miscarried the first time). ANd she knows I will get there eventually and would like e-mail pics and updates on the baby.

I just feel really guilty but have to focus on self preservation right now. There is b.s. at work that I have to wade through and I should be getting another agonizing crime scene period before surgery. I am getting really anxious the closer my trip to the castle comes, and I have a little over 4 weeks to go (or 1 calendar month as of tomrrow!)
If it wasn't for you guys i'd go insane!! Nobody else around me really gets it! But at least some are trying really hard and being very supportive!