Surgery 2/6/2017..... PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do anymore

Well I am a little more than one week post op and I can honestly say I feel pretty good. After almost 5 years of battling vaginal mesh, I found a doctor that could help me. I considered waiting almost a year long wait to fly to UCLA in August but realized my pain was just too much and continued my research for a new doctor that could potentially deal with my mesh in the meantime. I know partial removals aren't the best, especially after one partial resulted in more problems but I think my road to fixation is at a dead end. I travelled to Chattanooga, TN to have surgery after an appointment in December when the doctor said he could help me and while I was nervous and second guessing myself, I did what I had to do. Strands of my mesh were removed but I still have a couple inches still entrapped in muscle and is in a very dangerous spot that I will no longer try to pursue. My surgery took 6 hours of digging, removing and stitching and I can feel every bit....thank goodness for pain medicine. I had back pain so severe that I would find myself in the bathroom throwing up some nights because nothing helped but come to find out, my obturator nerve and artery were being cut off by a permanent suture causing my intense pain and the doctor struggled for a while trying to get everything untangled and now I have some serious nerve damage. The nerve damage was caused by more than that but that just made it worse. So while I still have mesh inside my body, my doctor believes that it is no longer the issue and that he thinks he fixed the problem...fingers crossed. I had a burch urethropexy, pudendal nerve block, cystoscopy with hydrodistintion and bladder instillation and another partial mesh removal. The burch procedure is old school, I know but a lot safer than that nasty mesh. My right ovary and tube were taken during a surgery in June 2014 and I still have my left ovary but they removed the left fallopian tube due to cancer but thankfully it was only contained within the tube and didn't spread and my left ovary works like a champ and is clean. I am feeling a lot better now that my back is no longer hurting but I guess in the back of my mind, I still have concerns. I was kept in the hospital overnight due to the severity and length of the surgery and developed a few breathing issues after I was taken to my room but that is all behind me.

I guess this is where my issue lies now: I still have mesh in me and I know you will never truly be better until it is all removed but I have an issue that is stopping me from removing the mesh anymore. Before I was discharged from the hospital on 2/7, my doctor came in and updated me on what happened during the surgery and why he could not remove the rest of my mesh. I understood but I am still conflicted and I feel as though I shouldn't be because I am doing it for my own good....I think. He let me know that in the area that the rest of my mesh remains, there are nerves and arteries that run through the area and sadly if a specific nerve is damaged, it would paralyze me on my left side and to me, that is enough to say I don't want to pursue it any further but a part of me if fighting that and saying take the chance. I am a wife and a mother and I cannot imagine the life I would have if I took the chance and woke up paralyzed, how could I live with myself or would I even want to? My chances of that nerve being damaged is 100% so my mind should be made up right, but why isn't it?

If you were up against such a decision, how would you approach this? Please help! The doctor doesn't think the mesh will be a problem for me because he believes he took care of the problem, I am just arguing with myself if I can deal with having mesh in my body the rest of my life. How would you feel?

I am so sorry. Your story is alot like mine. Im in Tennessee. Lots of horrible surgeries. I ended up going to Ucla. I'm alive and I am living all because of him at Ucla. I'm a wife and a mom too. I was miserable for almost 4 years. I'm very thankful for ucla. This is what they do. They are very good.
I would send an email to Ucla.
With your operative notes. Its a long wait. But so worth it. The pieces of mesh left in me were killing me. The systemic issues, the pain, the infections, it was beyond horrible. I truly feel like all the mesh needs to be removed for you to get better. That's how it was for me. I am almost 2 years post op, I have my days, I struggle with depression and PTSD.
Again I am so sorry for you and your family. It's just not right. I think if you send an email to him at Ucla he will tell you the truth
He will personally answer you back. He can give you hope
Keep fighting.

I already sent everything over because I was not 100% satisfied and actually had an appointment in August to go to UCLA but with this last surgery and testimony from my current doctor and the specialist before him, they will not take the risk on me and I can completely understand it. I don't want to be left paralyzed and I sure don't want a doctor to carry that around, bad enough that I would have to. He said that if I had gone there when the complications first started, this would be a no brainer but it has been going on for five years and it's not worth the outcome because my quality of life would be gone. For the longest time I was told by doctors that there was nothing wrong and I kept putting it off and thinking this couldn't happen to me until an actual strand of my mesh came out of my vagina and I totally freaked out and that was two years ago. Had I known from the beginning what was happening, I would have gotten help and I may not be having to worry about this whole mess but it just didn't work that way for me and I am learning to be ok and accept it, just not happy about it

I totally understand.. I'm so sorry. I was treated the same way here in Knoxville.
I had 7 mesh surgeries before I made it to Ucla. It's sad.very sad. It's not right. When things go wrong with mesh, they go very wrong.