Mother's Day is proving to be extremely hard!

Hello there my fellow sisters,

As the title says Mother's Day is proving to be extremely hard this year. I know its not here yet but seeing all the cards and advertisements for treating your mom is almost too much to bear. This is my first year, truly, that I'm facing since my hysterectomy, and knowing that I'll never have the kids I've dreamed of for most of my life! I knew last year that it was going to happen but in a way there was a little hope that something could change. I still have my mom so I know I have to be there for her that day but all I really want to do is stay away from the world that day.

I've been trying my best to process this loss but I feel like I have been struggling way too much. Every month on the 11th, the sadness hits hard and I get steamrolled into a day of despair!! I can only imagine what's ahead for me when June 11th comes and it has been a year!

Thanks for reading if you read everything. Also, I want to wish you all well and hope you are able to get through this coming weekend strong and unhurt.

All my love!
~Melissa

I remember the first Mothers Day after my surgery: I was 1 month post-op, my hormones were all over the place, and the surgery had stirred up unresolved grief over my mother's death in 2013; I just wanted to hide in my bedroom and until it was all over. With the caring support of the sisters in this forum and two wonderful therapists, I was able to process my feelings and come out on the other side. I've also found ways to honour the mothering instinct that lives in all women by caring for our "fur babies" who have since passed away, and through my knitting projects; current and recent projects include hats and blankets for preemies and newborns at a local hospital, a baby blanket for a friend's niece who's expecting, and bereavement gifts for parents who have had miscarriages or stillborn babies, who are grieving a loss just as we are. There are plenty of other ways for you to contribute to the next generation through adoption, fostering, mentoring, volunteering, or child sponsorship through organizations like World Vision; when you're ready, a simple search can help you to find the perfect match for yourself. Sending you my warmest hugs, and best wishes for continued health and healing!

Dear mgray:

I hope you can find some comfort in the words of this post which is stickied to the top of the Aching Hearts forum every May: https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/sh...d.php?t=297730

And I hope you will feel celebrated as a Sister this month I am sending huge cyberhugs

It will be 3 years on July 3 that I had my surgery. I just turned 37 years old and have no children. Mother's day is always a tough day.l, but my husband and I just turn it into a day for our mothers and our dogs. Some years its just another day and I block out the holiday. You will feel grief and loss, but you will street to focus on the things that you do have in your life that are important to you. After I was recovered I dove into lifting weights. Now I do bodybuilding. I went back to school and am studying to become an xray tech. There will always be a void. But it will get a little easier as time passes. Just focus on your life now and goals you can set for your future! I believe in you!

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Originally Posted by mgray767 Hello there my fellow sisters, As the title says Mother's Day is proving to be extremely hard this year. I know its not here yet but seeing all the cards and advertisements for treating your mom is almost too much to bear. This is my first year, truly, that I'm facing since my hysterectomy, and knowing that I'll never have the kids I've dreamed of for most of my life! I knew last year that it was going to happen but in a way there was a little hope that something could change. I still have my mom so I know I have to be there for her that day but all I really want to do is stay away from the world that day. I've been trying my best to process this loss but I feel like I have been struggling way too much. Every month on the 11th, the sadness hits hard and I get steamrolled into a day of despair!! I can only imagine what's ahead for me when June 11th comes and it has been a year! Thanks for reading if you read everything. Also, I want to wish you all well and hope you are able to get through this coming weekend strong and unhurt. All my love! ~Melissa

I am living proof provision always comes if you trust. My natural children died many years ago. At the time I HATED Mother's Day. Then my Mother got dementia and I hated it even more. One day suddenly I was placed into a situation where I was asked to adopt the son of a dear friend who was about to pass. His wife had left him many years ago as she mentally became a tragic bipolar casualty, living on the streets, in mental hospitals, etc. and he had no other family.

Suddenly I was thrust into a role I didn't know how to handle but I learned. A similar incident presented itself shortly thereafter and I wound up with a second son. The first son and I have worked to help him build a relationship with his natural Mother. She is now on her own and working hard but I did not allow her to lose her child like I lost mine. I taught him to honor her and respect her as he does me and all I have ever received from him is love.

Now I am looking at a hysterectomy in two days and I realize that some women go through the finality of this procedure never really knowing what their futures have in store for them. You have a place just as Tiger_Eye said to affect the next generation. You will leave your mothering mark. I can totally sympathize with the pain but I am also excited to know your future is not loss. I wish I could know how your life turns out because I am excited to know provision will be made for you. As for Mother's day, no day can celebrate what women who love children accomplish. It's an everyday celebration for all of us to get the next generation on track and that's what being a Mother is all about.

Whether you wind up a favorite aunt, a really good friend, a second mother to someone, an adoptive mom, a foster mom.....there is some child out there who really needs and wants you in his/her life. It might not be as a full-fledged mom but you will find your mothering instinct fulfilled.

Please don't let Mother's Day define you, your life, or what your mothering mark on this world shall be. It's just a Hallmark day.