Emotional issues with vagina after TVH?

Hi Sisters,

I have a weird question. I had TVH 3 weeks ago and, even before the surgery, I was squeamish about the vaginal surgical method. I've had 2 abdominal surgeries in the past so that I was familiar with. But, the thought of cutting my vagina, pulling things out in pieces, repairs, sutures, etc . just bothered me. Now I'm 3 weeks post-op and I'm still feeling very "anti-vagina". I feel like it must be different now, like it's damaged and scarred. To be honest, I'm completely disgusted by the thought of my own vagina! To say I feel undesirable would be an understatement. I feel like maybe this is just me.... I don't really know how to get over it.

It sounds to me that you have been traumatized by this surgery. I would suggest you talk to your doctor or a counselor about how you are feeling. I hope that doing this will help you.

I think there is a lot that we go through mentally thinking of the whole vaginal cuff business. But really I think it's partly a body image issue and part a reaction to losing a female organ. I'm not sure how to get over that. I agree that talking to a counsellor might help. Sometimes it's hard to get through things on your own. I know the whole name "cuff" hits me wrong but it's just a name and the actual vagina seems the same. But it takes a while to come to that feeling. I hope time helps you come to a better feeling about your body.

I agree to talk to your doctor. I know I personally feel disgusted with my body when things are going wrong, or when it's always getting poked, prodded, etc...and I've done some therapy techniques/methods to better accept it. It might not be a bad idea if it continues to get therapy. While you are stuck at home, I would recommend writing in a journal. And, of course, we are all here for you. Write everything that you feel, and be honest. Then after a week or so, add a positive sentance about it. I know it's strange journaling about your vagina, but I did that for my foot after my surgery. You'll find that it's not necessarily just the body part, but other things. Write everyday, all the stuff you feel, but remember to put something positive at the end. I'm trying to think of some methods I've used, but I'm a little groggy from all the Vicoprofin.
You are not odd or strange to feel that way, that part of your body has been through a lot!! Hugs

I think I understand how you're feeling. I really didn't like the thought of the surgery being done through my vagina. Ultimately I am glad it was done that way and I didn't have an abdominal incision to heal. I felt like my vagina was traumatized by the surgery and it felt very swollen up for many weeks post op. As for my feelings about my vagina, I really don't feel very sexy anymore. Part of that is my uterus is gone and I feel my fertility was closely tied to my sexuality and femininity. Another thing is my orgasm is weaker and disappointing now because cant feel my uterus contract. I feel I must be less desirable to my DH. Surely having my uterus sliced up and pulled out through my vagina must be a turnoff for him. Rationally I know he's fine with it and he reassures me of that every day with his actions. But I'm turned off by it and I'm afraid he must be too.

This surgery is so difficult on many levels. I do suggest talking to your doctor about how you feel. Your emotional recovery is as important as your physical recovery.

Thank you all so much ladies! I love knowing 100% that I can rely on the wonderful ladies of this site to always come through.

I really don't feel "traumatized", just different or affected by it. I like the journaling idea, that is a great suggestion and I agree I should talk to my surgeon. She is wonderful and I see her next week.

sugarandspice, that is exactly it. I feel like it was traumatized by the surgery. It seems so invasive to such a personal, private area. Obviously the abdominal surgeries were "invasive", but that was my stomach, not my vagina. I'm afraid it will be kind of dead up there, no feeling, no nothing. Can't imagine feeling aroused or excited, doesn't seem physically possible now, like it's just kind of there. And I have the same thoughts about my uterus/cervix/fibroids being sliced up and pulled out through my vagina. And all the swelling. Ugh. Maybe my brain just needs time to adjust to it. But, I will talk to my surgeon. Poor thing... I'm pretty sure I qualify as her "most talkative" patient.

I totally understand how you feel. My emotions have been all over the place. The whole "vaginal cuff" idea seems just wrong. Also, I'm terrified of prolapse since my uterus, cervix and ovaries are no longer there holding everything up! We are all forever changed by this surgery and no-one could possibly understand unless they have gone through it. When I am feeling sad, I try to remember why I had the surgery. In my case, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer three years ago. I was having the same symptoms as her due to irritable bowel syndrome. In January a pelvic ultrasound found three masses, one in my uterus, one in my cervix and one in my right ovary. The decision was easy. I was terrified that I had cancer. Thankfully my path report was negative for any sign of cancer. So - while I am grieving for my female organs, I know I made the right decision. I'm sure you, too, had a good reason to have the surgery. These organs are not what makes you a female. That is in your heart and soul.

Take care my friend and know that we are all here for you and we DO understand. I hope you get some peace and continue to heal mentally and physically.

p.s. I also like the idea of the journal. I still write to my mom in mine.

Yes yes yes yes! I love the understanding and empathy for every thought and every concern that we find in this community.

That's part of it for me as well... the "vaginal cuff". Logically, I know what it is.. it's like a rebuilt cervix. But, I have a picture in my head of all this tissue and sutures everywhere. I had to google it after my surgeon told me I would still need to have a pap for the next 3 years on my "vaginal cuff" (because of the atypical pap prior to surgery). I thought it was just a normal part of the vagina in every woman then found out what it really is and was like, Oh! I didn't have a vaginal cuff and now I have a vaginal cuff. Had no idea.

I also had very good reasons for having the surgery... large fibroids, one of which was getting awfully close to invading the bladder, a uterus full of adenomyosis, endometrial and atypical cells in my cervix, constant pain, heaviness and pressure, my periods had become nothing but large sticky black clots. So, I do the same thing... I go over those reasons again in my head and reassure myself that it was the right thing to do. Really the only thing to do to live pain free. I'm just scared of my vagina now! Which sounds silly but that's pretty close to how I feel.

I really don't like the term "vaginal cuff" either. I don't know why it bothers me, it just sounds so unnatural. When I asked my doctor what would be at the end of my vagina once my cervix was removed, she said they would sew it shut and make a pouch. Ugh. That's not a good word either.

But in all honesty, sex for me is better with my cervix gone. It got very sore when it was bumped during sex and now it's fine. Although last weekend DH got a little too enthusiastic and it really hurt, I guess because I'm still healing up there. I told him to go easy or he'd break right through and he thought I was joking. I guess I hadn't told him the horror stories of men tearing through the cuff.

I feel a little traumatized by the past couple years. I've always been a "good girl" and had very few partners. But then I found out I have HPV (which makes me angy BTW) and cervical dysplasia. I had lots of biopsies and a LEEP and then the TVH. I feel sorry for my poor vagina, having all these terrible invasive and painful procedures. After each one I felt like I'd been assaulted and it hurt very deep down. To lie there completely exposed with your legs open and a person looking in there and doing painful things to such a private and delicate area was really difficult.

Thank you for starting this thread. I thought I was the only one who felt like this.

You know, I think when I see my surgeon next week, I am going to (nicely) suggest to her that going forward she should not tell patients that a vaginal hysterectomy is "less invasive". That really is not true. An abdominal incision isn't the only thing that qualifies something as "invasive". Honestly, now that I've experienced both, I think this is, in a way, more invasive. Because it's my vagina. They're cutting and then pulling, tugging, stretching for hours up inside your vagina. THAT is invasive. Right??? And, for me, it's just unsettling. All of it. I never felt this was about my abdominal surgeries.

And I have felt violated too. I've had several transvaginal ultrasounds and also the endometrial biopsies and now this and I feel exactly the same way... my poor vagina! So, I think that's why I can't imagine anything in my vagina ever again. And I know it's still fresh and new but right now, the thought of it terrifies me and makes me queasy.