Marital disagreement - things you can control vs. things you cannot

Healthy eating or not, as you are recovering from any surgery, often there's certain things you can tolerate regardless of where they fit on the "pyramid". You have to have sustenance, and if a sausage biscuit will stay down better than fresh fruit, so be it.

When I was pregnant, I was terribly nauseous (know as Hyperemesis). In and out of the hospital with it. LOST 22 lbs as well. In my 2nd to 3rd trimester, I'd stop at Hardee's and eat two gravy biscuits every morning on my way to work. They did the trick. Not healthy, of course not, but my dr. said it was fine as long as they weren't coming back up.........

Bwonk,
My DH has'nt said a opinonated word since. I never tell him or DD to shut up, so when I snapped and said it, he knew he was crossing lines he did'nt want to cross. I hope your DH is backing off you. And I hope you are feeling better

I have lost my bf over his complete lack of care and comprehension. I amongst other things have suffered the "aren't you all better now" comment, never have gone into great symptom detail nor asked for much help, don't get any recognition for having come even this far, and yes, cop the diet critique as well. My sense of smell has changed, he served me sardines the other day and there is no way I could eat them. Didn't know I couldn't until they were in front of my nose. Oten cook meals then cannot eat them. It's all as new for me as it is for him, I haven't carried on about lack of appetite so don't understand why he thinks it is okay to critisise at all. The impression I get is that he believes he would have done much better than me, he too has never had a health issue of any kind. Thank God for this site or I might have believed his perspective as I had no idea it would take this long to recover.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, need to vent. We are still arguing over my weight and eating. DH ripped open a bag of chips - I took *2* of them and started to walk away when he started going off about how I don't need them and etc. So angry, I grabbed the bag back and ate more. This is the 3rd consecutive night we have argued over my weight or eating.

I do *not* understand what the problem is! I still have a swollen abdomen but is it *much* less swollen than before and immediately after surgery, and I've already posted about the weight I lost!

I eat literally 1/3 of what hubby eats for each meal and plus he snacks almost constantly. He says it is o.k. b/c he runs and I don't.

I have been getting angrier and angrier over the comments he cannot refrain from making and I have been expressing the anger. It just leads to fights. Any suggestions for me at all??????


BTW, I don't understand criticizing lack of appetite either!

Telling you that you can't have your Dew...does he realize you just had major surgery and shouldn't be messin' with you?!?! Men!!

bwonk,
There are many things I want to say about your Dh right now, but I will refrain because I am sure you love him, I will say this, you do not deserve the way he is treating you,and if he truly loves you then he must love all of you. I think we need to borrow Sue1's giant green frog and have him jump on your DH's head to knock some sense into him.
A big to ya

Grrrrrh, what is up with your DH?

It sounds like he is using comments about food when maybe there is something else going on.

Not sure you feel up to dealing with that right now but, when you are both calm, could you sit him down & ask what the comments are really about & let him know how upsetting you are finding this to deal with.

I have to tell you that I found I ate all sorts of things during recovery that I never would usually. I needed cookies, cakes and candy and I have eaten more of them in the last 12 weeks than I have in the last 12 years put together! I have a theory that your body knows what it needs, so for a little while it craved bad things & is now back saying where are my veggies and cheese! BUT it is our choice what we eat and when, nobody should give us a hard time because of it.

Hugs

Katy

Hi,
I also have a very critical husband. He smokes, but he'll yell at me in the street if I don't wear a hat on a cold day. He has in the past made nasty comments about physical stuff, too.

I have found one thing though that really has helped. I got the most upset with his criticisms when I felt I didn't look as good as I wanted. (This obviously has nothing to do with clothing, necessarily.)

A few months before surgery I had highlights put into my hair thanks to a gift certificate, made sure I walked a lot so I felt better, and I also lost weight before surgery. At this point I can look in the mirror and think I've been through a lot, I look better, feel better, he can just spout whenever he wants and I finally believe after all that his nonsense has very little to do with me.

I don't really know what it is with these guys but I can't imagine being like that after someone has had major surgery!

Hope things improve on your end.

If only Husbands understood that it is also a Major Emotional Surgery. Maybe if we explained if we cut off their testicles they would feel alittle bit sensitive too.
Chris

Chris, I gotten so upset that I actually *have* asked my husband how he might feel if he, say, had to lose a testicle or his prostate. He just treats this as 'silly'. I do care very much for my husband but, at times, he often seems completely devoid of empathy. However, he also has a hard time conceding a point and has a relentless need to feel that he is 'right' in whatever discussion is taking place and regardless of who it is taking place with or whether or not it is even a question of right or wrong. I can only hope that, without admitting it, he mulls over the input of others at times...

Margali , does your husband let up any as you look & feel better?

Katy, I have wondered if there is actually something else going on. He is not very introspective and very focused on what other people do, don't do, look like, and etc. (Can't even watch a TV show without a constant running commentary about the looks of the people in it.) But, I can try to ask in a calmer moment...