dVH/RALH: Upcoming hysterectomy 11/20: To-do list, anxiety and depression are growing!

Surgery is on Monday! Eeek!!! I had pre-op on Tues and it went better than expected. Thought I was doing great but... #sigh

My to-do list keeps growing. Dozens of things that I *want* to do and a handful of things that MUST BE DONE. My mind is racing - can't sleep. I'm looking around the house at everything still unfinished and it makes me want to go hide in bed and cry. Add to that, I'm freaking out over holidays, family, finances, legal issues... you name it and I am probably worrying about it.

Logically, I know I can't get everything done on my list. Mentally, it's making me feel unprepared so I'm stuck in my head and getting nothing done.

Is this normal?? Please say this is normal.

My heart is with you, Madigan...

Yes. This is normal. Very normal. You have a new stressor in your life, and it's adding pressure. So you want to try to do everything, perhaps to create some semblance of control. And, there's a lesson here, for you and me, in surrender.

I know how much extra stress comes with taking time off for surgery and recovery. I'm going through it, too, and I'm having to learn to be gentle with myself. I want to be sure all of my clients are taken care of, my house is organized, my finances are in order...and I can only do so much. So, I'm discovering that how I treat myself with all of this pressing on me matters. If I'm tough on myself, that doesn't feel good. But if I'm compassionate with myself, saying things like "You'll get through this" and "All is well," I feel better.

I remind myself "Be here now," something the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, formerly Richard Alpert, said. By that, he means to be present. Be in this moment. What can you do to be with yourself right now? Maybe take some long, slow, very deep breaths? Maybe feel your feet on the ground? Maybe look out the window and take in the view? Feel the fabric of your shirt. Stroke your own face.

We can always find more to do. What if you just do what's right in front of you? Somehow, the things that need to be done will be done.

Also, at the suggestion of a dear friend of mine who is an RN, she says, "Surrender. You can give your hardships, worries, to-do's, and anything that feels like "too much" to your Higher Power, whatever you choose to call that." I've been doing my best to practice that. When I notice that I'm worried, concerned, freaked out, I do my best to say, "Here, Divine One, you take this. I need your support now." I feel more relaxed when I call on Divine Assistance. I trust that there is a force much, much bigger than me that has the big picture and knows what I need better than I could ever know. For me, this whole journey to my first-ever big surgery and hospital stay is really about knowing that I don't have to carry the details my life all alone. I encourage you to try giving your worries away.

Sending big virtual hugs to you. I know you can let go and relax and treat yourself with loving care in this journey!

TresPetite

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Originally Posted by Madigan Surgery is on Monday! Eeek!!! I had pre-op on Tues and it went better than expected. Thought I was doing great but... #sigh My to-do list keeps growing. Dozens of things that I *want* to do and a handful of things that MUST BE DONE. My mind is racing - can't sleep. I'm looking around the house at everything still unfinished and it makes me want to go hide in bed and cry. Add to that, I'm freaking out over holidays, family, finances, legal issues... you name it and I am probably worrying about it. Logically, I know I can't get everything done on my list. Mentally, it's making me feel unprepared so I'm stuck in my head and getting nothing done. Is this normal?? Please say this is normal.

Yes, Madigan, you are going through a normal process. Obviously most if not all HysterSisters are here because our bodies went wonky on us & we had no control over it. I personally try to control what I THINK I can. The reality is, we have control of nothing except how we choose to respond/react to things. God is in control! He loves you!
He is already at tomorrow and your surgery on the 20th.
Do what you can...it will help you feel better. Make a list and check them off.
I love crossing things off. The things you can't get done will be waiting for you. Don't be hard on yourself! Let others help you where possible. I am a recovering worrier and still struggle with fretting at times. God is still working on me. He is Faithful. He does not change. He will carry us through..we just need let Him. Blessings to you!
_______________
~I share in the hopes it will help others on their journey.
My experience is not a substitute for your medical team.

Please ALWAYS consult with your doctor when determining what you will do!
~My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.~Psalm 73:26~

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Originally Posted by Madigan Surgery is on Monday! Eeek!!! I had pre-op on Tues and it went better than expected. Thought I was doing great but... #sigh My to-do list keeps growing. Dozens of things that I *want* to do and a handful of things that MUST BE DONE. My mind is racing - can't sleep. I'm looking around the house at everything still unfinished and it makes me want to go hide in bed and cry. Add to that, I'm freaking out over holidays, family, finances, legal issues... you name it and I am probably worrying about it. Logically, I know I can't get everything done on my list. Mentally, it's making me feel unprepared so I'm stuck in my head and getting nothing done. Is this normal?? Please say this is normal.

My hystersister, you SO described me! I've been trying to keep it together, and today was my last day at work. A co-worker who has the social wherewithall of an alligator said something to me and I started to cry and couldn't stop, no matter what. I ended up leaving early - this is not like me at all. So, yeah! I think this is normal. It's hard for people who aren't facing being cut open to understand, but those who are also facing it certainly do understand! (my surgery is Tuesday 11/21).

At my pre-op, I forgot the antibacterial body wash in the doctor's exam room, the folder he gave me with post op info in the hallway, and my folder with FMLA paperwork in the lobby. At the time I didn't realize I was so nervous but I guess I was - I probably shouldn't even have been driving, lol...

I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in the anxiety. I have a crazy list too, but as time gets closer my list is getting smaller becuase I'm finding some things to not be as important as I thought they were (or at least they don't seem important at the moment).

My mind is whirling, and I just want to lay in bed and sleep right now. Time seems to be flying by. Hang in there and know you are normal. I'm wishing you a very good experience with the rest of your pre-op time, your surgery, and your recovery.

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Originally Posted by DebB64 Yes, Madigan, you are going through a normal process. Obviously most if not all HysterSisters are here because our bodies went wonky on us & we had no control over it. I personally try to control what I THINK I can. The reality is, we have control of nothing except how we choose to respond/react to things. God is in control! He loves you! He is already at tomorrow and your surgery on the 20th. Do what you can...it will help you feel better. Make a list and check them off. I love crossing things off. The things you can't get done will be waiting for you. Don't be hard on yourself! Let others help you where possible. I am a recovering worrier and still struggle with fretting at times. God is still working on me. He is Faithful. He does not change. He will carry us through..we just need let Him. Blessings to you! _______________ ~I share in the hopes it will help others on their journey. My experience is not a substitute for your medical team. Please ALWAYS consult with your doctor when determining what you will do! ~My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.~Psalm 73:26~

What a beautiful post! I have been praying for myself, but also for my surgeon - that he has peace in his life so he can focus on his work. That sounds selfish now that I typed it, but I didn't pray for him in a selfish way. It's hard enough doing my job when there are outside stresses. I can't imagine having outside stresses when you are a surgeon. I think I will add that same prayer to all who are will be taking care of me, and thanking God for bringing them into my life.

Y'all, this is exactly what I needed! No kidding - I am printing this thread for reference when I start questioning my sanity again.

I've never been very religious, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. I remind myself daily to "be present" and I do use deep-breathing, meditation and tactile/art therapy. I'm very relieved reading these responses as I seem to be having an existential crisis throughout the pre-op process. I've pestered several friends of different faiths, asking if I'm going to hell for having a hysterectomy, for failing to "be fruitful and multiply", etc. (The things we think about when the panic settles in and the mind begins to wander... sheesh!)

I definitely have problems with letting go and asking for help. Today, I allowed myself to begin mourning a bit and had a good, long and cathartic crying session. Then, I let myself just rest. I sorta feel like I was lazy, but my mind and body tell me it's what I needed. And I confess, I did self-medicate with chocolate. At least I did manage to plow through 5 loads of laundry and got refills of all my prescriptions ahead of time. Yay!

I still have all day Saturday and Sunday to do things. My gargantuan to-do list is not going to be completed and I know I can't obsess over general house clutter. Instead, I'm gonna throw everything in a box and it can all be properly sorted later. My husband keeps reminding me that he was once a bachelor and he knows his way around the kitchen. He knows how to use a vacuum and clean toilets. His mom is flying in on Wednesday to help out and I love this woman so much. She's a neat freak - always finds something to clean and/or organize when she's here! LOL I'm in good hands. I'll still worry, but I fully believe that everything falls into place when and where it should.

Blessings to all of you! *huge cyber hugs*

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Originally Posted by scoopyloo What a beautiful post! I have been praying for myself, but also for my surgeon - that he has peace in his life so he can focus on his work. That sounds selfish now that I typed it, but I didn't pray for him in a selfish way. It's hard enough doing my job when there are outside stresses. I can't imagine having outside stresses when you are a surgeon. I think I will add that same prayer to all who are will be taking care of me, and thanking God for bringing them into my life.

prayers for you as well Scoopyloo!

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Originally Posted by DebB64 prayers for you as well Scoopyloo!

Thank you so much - I will take them!

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Originally Posted by Madigan Y'all, this is exactly what I needed! No kidding - I am printing this thread for reference when I start questioning my sanity again. I've never been very religious, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. I remind myself daily to "be present" and I do use deep-breathing, meditation and tactile/art therapy. I'm very relieved reading these responses as I seem to be having an existential crisis throughout the pre-op process. I've pestered several friends of different faiths, asking if I'm going to hell for having a hysterectomy, for failing to "be fruitful and multiply", etc. (The things we think about when the panic settles in and the mind begins to wander... sheesh!) I definitely have problems with letting go and asking for help. Today, I allowed myself to begin mourning a bit and had a good, long and cathartic crying session. Then, I let myself just rest. I sorta feel like I was lazy, but my mind and body tell me it's what I needed. And I confess, I did self-medicate with chocolate. At least I did manage to plow through 5 loads of laundry and got refills of all my prescriptions ahead of time. Yay! I still have all day Saturday and Sunday to do things. My gargantuan to-do list is not going to be completed and I know I can't obsess over general house clutter. Instead, I'm gonna throw everything in a box and it can all be properly sorted later. My husband keeps reminding me that he was once a bachelor and he knows his way around the kitchen. He knows how to use a vacuum and clean toilets. His mom is flying in on Wednesday to help out and I love this woman so much. She's a neat freak - always finds something to clean and/or organize when she's here! LOL I'm in good hands. I'll still worry, but I fully believe that everything falls into place when and where it should. Blessings to all of you! *huge cyber hugs*

A good long cry is cleansing - good for you!!

I've never been deeply religious either, but I do talk to God a lot, and have always been heard - Prayer is really an amazing thing, from what I've experienced. I would never think you are going to hell for getting rid of a body part that has decided it is done and that is not healthy. Taking care of your body honors yourself - I think that is the best thing we can do!!

Good luck with your lists, and it sounds like you are going to have a great team to take care of you and the house after your surgery!