Things NOT to say to someone who is getting / got a hysterectomy

Thanks for all the responses! So relevant!

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Originally Posted by OneLittleDeer "You're kinda walking like you've got something stuck in your I'm not saying it.." "And you thought you'd be back to work in a week. Thinking different now huh?" "Have you lost weight again?" "Haha! So you finally figured out the way to stop having kids?" Yes, I am walking like something is stuck somewhere, you're right. There's been hands and tools inside of my vagina, that they flipped inside out to remove an organ from my body! And I've pooped twice since my surgery, neither of which were very satisfying or comfortable, and if you keep talking I'm going to put my foot in your I'm not gonna say it... Yes, I thought I'd be able to go back to work much sooner than is the reality. Don't make fun of me for that, understand that I need to work to make money to support my family, and every day out of work is money not made, and I'm in a lot of pain, so none of this is very funny to me. I probably have lost weight, but I'm not exactly checking the scales... I just had major surgery, tubes down my throat that hurt me in multiple ways, and I'm having a hard time pooping, so my eating has not exactly been up to par, and I'd love to just comfortably eat a real good meal right now. But thanksfor noticing I've probably lost a couple pounds.. My tubes were tied 9yrs ago, that's when I "figured out" how to make sure I didn't have anymore children beyond the ones I have. What I "figured out" this time, was how to end the constant pain and everything else that having a uterus was causing me, and how to eventually be able to enjoy my life a little more with a lot less issues with my body to stop me.. People can be horrendous.

This one was probably the most relatable to me. The weight loss one is a killer. I just want to say
“For real people!” Especially those that have know my struggle. Thank you all ladies for sharing. I concur!

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Originally Posted by loveallofme Have you tried other options? You may not really need a hysterectomy. You can always adopt! I know someone who had it and they feel great now! What to say: How are you feeling about it? What do you need? How can I support you? I'm here for you.

Amen Sister. I recently told an acquaintance I had a hysterectomy and she said " I just love how easily women just have that surgery". I was so taken aback. I just said It wasn't easily at all.

She has no idea I was in a lot of abdominal pain monthly for the last 3 years and The amount of blood loss during my periods were insane. I am still recovering from anemia and low hemoglobin counts, fatigue and stress.

This post so much so! I'm scheduled for mine May 22nd due to most likely Adenomyosis. I've been pretty lucky I haven't had too many of these kinds of comments. Then again, I'm pretty lucky to have understanding coworkers & family for the most part (many have Endometriosis or have had Adenomyosis or Fibroids).

But I did have a Walmart employee once ask when we expected baby. I just said "No baby, I'm just fat." with a sweet smile. I didn't yet have the diagnosis, so figured it was the easier than explaining to someone I'll likely never see again my symptoms.

I have one friend who has said, "You could always adopt." Because she was adopted, she is a supporter of it. For that reason, I get it, but she was adopted into a wealthier family so she forgets it's not always a financial option for people. At this point, I have gently reminded her that we didn't want human kiddos, we're okay as Aunty & Uncle & mostly happy as pet parents.

I will say the thing that I've read that does bug me most, is when anybody gets all uppity about which organs you "have no reason" to remove. Yes, for many women, keeping their cervix is great for them. But some women have cancer reasons to remove that. A few women I have read of, have had Adenomyosis invade the cervix as well, so would still have the same issues if they kept it. Having most likely Adenomyosis, I'd rather be rid of all those symptoms in one shot. We all have different reasons to keep or not keep different parts.

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Originally Posted by Vgotto Thanks for all the responses! So relevant!

Hi,

Yes, thank you so much to everyone who has shared. It’s not nice that these things/comments have happened, but so nice that we can share them! Huge gentle hugs to everyone!!
MauiMax

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Originally Posted by snowygrrl "You can always adopt!" is wrong on many levels. 1. The people that say that never consider that themselves. 2. It may not be an option. I am single and live with family that have their own lives. I just can't adopt and expect it all to work out. Is that fair to a kid? 3. Even if I was married, adopting has to be a mutual decision. What if a decsion can't be reached? Hope you ladies aren't hearing too many things that drive you nuts!

Also adoption isn't always an easy process and not everyone that wants to is approved even if you had considered it as an option.

omg soooooo true

Hi.I'm new to Hystersisters. Happy to find this source of support and hope to eventually contribute some support in return.

I'm scheduled for a total hysterectomy June 5....next month.This thread stood out to me because of my recent experience with inconsiderate comments.

I'm 52. So my concern is my quality of life after this procedure, as opposed to having more children.My heart health,bone health,cognitive health,etc.is of concern to me.

The doctor's nurse said to me-"It's not like you're 20 years old having this done.YOU are on the cusp of menopause (yes,I understand that)any way.And dismissed my concerns via those words and narrowed eyes.

She wasn't too happy with me, as my mind was still spinning right after my surgery date was handed to me.I was still processing it given I'd just learned what type of hysterectomy I would be having 10 mins before speaking with her.

I couldn't believe it.

This was said to me yesterday after I was told a total hysterectomy (not radical) was needed because of high grade cancer cells (pre,at the moment.Post op,It'll be staged).She dismissed my concerns for my health, across the board, because of my older age.She too is an older lady (probably in her 60's.

And I truly feel for any woman facing this at a much younger age.However,I felt judged by that nurse and scolded for my concerns and the feelings I was experiencing.

I didn’t have my first and only child for 10 Years of marriage and I had a friend always ask me “ where’s the baby” ? People just don’t think what they are saying. I agree totally with your post.

I would think your concerns were valid whatever age. I’m 47 and had a total hysterectomy 3 weeks ago. Mine was due to very large fibroids that have caused me dramas. I was told that by keeping your ovaries then your body goes through menopause as normal (maybe earlier than it would do otherwise, but still naturally). It is my understanding that therefore bone health etc are not compromised. But I don’t have cancerous cells and I haven’t asked those questions. I hope someone else with more knowledge replies to your question and I hope you are Ok. Please put what the nurse said to the back of your mind.