What to say to the worried 6 yr old?

My MIL who is NOT supportive of the whole surgery one bit because I'm being selfish...has told the kids I'm having my belly cut open... but I'm a TVH (see how much she knows)...
Anyway...since then my son has been having nightmares about mommy at the hospital. He's had 3 surgeries and knows what it is like to be put to sleep, and go through recovery...but he says in his dreams...mommy is dead. He sees them put me to sleep and they can't wake me up..he is sweating and screaming (3 nights in a row now) that mommy is dead mommy is dead... I keep telling him that mommy will be fine...I've thought about taking him with me to the pre-op to meet the dr and the anethisialogist (sp)...but I don't know if that will help or not...any suggestions?

Lisa,
I can see why your DS is scared. To hear this description would be terrifying to any child. I don't know if taking your DS to the preop would help as much or it might over his head (especially the parts that pertain to this particular surgery).

You can sit him down and tell him that you are having surgery but the incision is not going to be very big at all. Remind him that you love him and plan on being around a very long time to take care of him. While you are in the hospital, Daddy will make sure he has what he needs and get to where he needs to go. He can even come visit you after school if you feel that is appropriate (don't make a promise as you may be tired at that time) or at least talk to him on the phone. You and he can plan for how he is going to help you get better when you get home. Kids love to help. Maybe you can plan one or two jobs he can do to help you that are his jobs.

Since he has had surgery, maybe there was something that was scarey to him that he has not talked about. Maybe he can't put it in words. Maybe not, but may be worth asking him about.

Since I know you are a Christian household, remind him that Jesus loves him and will help him through this just like He helped your son when he has had surgery himself. You and your son can pray about it together too.

When he sees you afterwards, you can show him that your tummy is ok as far as an incision goes. You just ask that he be gentle around your tummy for a while.

Just a few of my thoughts.

s
Jane

My 10 year old and I pray together and that seems to help. I also have several friends who did not mind me sharing the fact that they had the same surgery, so that was reassuring to him. I also shared some of the silly post here with him; our favorite was the link that had silly things after the "princesses returned" Groggy messages that were text after surgery, cross word puzzles that were filled out with ease only to realize latter that it was done on pain meds and nothing but gobbledy gook... He was particularly looking forward to the "gas" part of recovery, humor is a great way to de-stress a situation; apparently to a 10 year old an adult (ESPECIALLY a MOM ) with gas is quite funny! Good luck! and you are both in my prayers!

Peace

Bless your heart. My daughter is 22, and the first thing she said to me after I told her I had to have a Hysterecomty is, "Can I come and stay with you a few days to help take care of you?". I said yes, so she is going to leave my grandchildren with their Daddy, her DH, and take care of me during the day while my dear boyfriend is running his business. I am dreading the recovery more than the surgery itself...I have five more weeks to come to terms with it. I wish you all luck and well wishes, and I will burn candles for all of my new hyster sisters.

T.

My daughter was nearly 6 when I had more drastic surgery for a brain tumour. We told her that Mummy had a lump that had to be taken out and that the doctors make a lttle cut and remove it. I know that seems like over simplifying but it seemed like she was old enough to know a bit but also not quite old enough to realise how serious it could be.
I think that you need to be as truthful as you can be. Explain that lots of people go to hospital to have things done to them to make them better inside. Does he remember the dreams? If not, then I wouldn't worry too much. He will have a positive experience of hospitals and you going away briefly when you are Ok after. It helps to to keep their routine as near to normal as possible. Although we had lots of offers of help, my husband picked her up from school whenever practical. Children take great comfort from things not changing.
M/L can be very frustrating. Mine was very negative about my hyst. said helpful things like I'd be ill for months and never be the same again!!!
Good luck.
Marion

Our DD is 3 1/2 and she can't understand wyt the doctor is going to "take mommy's guts out". Yes, you read that right. That is how my 17 yr old niece explained it to her. She thinks it is very silly. Thank goodness. I think she is too young to really understand. She is looking forward to spending a few days with her mommom and poppy.

My 8 year old DS is nervous about the idea. I overheard my 10 yr old DS tell the next door neighbor that mom is having "that sack that babies develop in" taken out because "she gets real bad stomach aches". I've been trying to get them to focus on the ideas about AFTER I come home and how they will need to help me. I'll have to try the talk about gas... I liked that one. I will also remember to pray more, times like this are when you start to realize how important that is. Thanks for the reminder.

I have been worrying about my 6 year old son as well. Every night at bedtime he wants to talk about the surgery and Mommy being 'away' for a few days. I love the idea about getting him to help me when I get home. He will absolutely love the idea as well because he loves to be 'helpful'
Another big issue is the sleeping in his own bed!! Most nights he wanders down to our room and sneeks into bed. We are always too tired to take him back to his room. But I have told him that he will have to stay in his room after I have the surgery ... he isn't liking that idea at all !!!

Regarding the 'gas' problems ... is this because they fill the belly with gas?? I had that done when I had a laporoscopy (sp?), it was fairly painful around the shoulders a couple of days post surgery

Take care,
Joanne

Gas problems- it is just the same as when you have a laparoscopy- I've had both, although it takes a while for bms to be the same too, so that could also cause some gas.

I haven't sat down and told my DD 8, and DS 5 too much about my surgery because it is 8 wks away. I was having some pain last week, and couldn't move around too much and told my DS to give me a little more time and I would help him do something. He looked at me very sadly and said "you sure are not feeling well a lot", It really hurt to hear him say that, and to know its effecting him. I told him that pretty soon I was going to go to the hospital for a few days so that the docs could make me feel better. I told him that when I get home I will still feel kind of yucky for a few weeks, but by summer I would be great. He hugged me and said I was the best. He hasn't mentioned it since. I have been really putting off talking to my DD because she is going through some "I'm scared and don't know why" stuff right now about school and I don't want to add to her anxiety. Shes very in tune with me to a point that we feel each others emotions even when we are not together. I was just like this with my mom, and my whole family. It scares me to think she feels this stuff so young, but it makes her compassionate and caring which is something we should all want for our children.
I hope you can ease his fears, he sounds wonderful and loving.
Donna