Bouncing in and out of denial

Anyone else out there bouncing in and out of denial?

All of a sudden it dawns on me that I am going to have a hysterectomy in my real life. Not my imaginary life. Not just in my mind. But, in real life. Then, I start to kind of "freak out" about it, and then tell myself to not worry about it that it will be fine. Then, I'm fine, and forget about it.

This keeps happening, and I bet a lot of other women are going through the same thing. Especially waiting a long time for the surgery.

My surgery hasn't been scheduled yet. This is making me more nervous. If I had a date I could plan better.

The other odd thing is that sometimes I feel totally fine, and this happens after weeks of feeling miserable, and I start to think I don't really need a hysterectomy. Now, I know I need one, but there is this little voice that says, "Are you really sure?" I have to kind of laugh at it, because I know for sure that I am sick from all the hell I've been through, and kind of tell myself "Hey, I'm glad you're feeling better for today, but that doesn't mean your healed." Then, I go back to feeling sick again, and feel kind of naive for ever believing I was just going to get better all of a sudden.

I can't wait for the hysterectomy, so that I can get on with my life!

God bless you all, and I am sorry we are all suffering as women. Wow, we all have similar stories. It is really kind of incredible what we as women go through, and we don't really talk about it, except in an exceptional place like this one.

Take Care
~Hanna10

hey Hanna, I finally have everything set for a LAVH and salpingo. My surgery is tomorrow afternoon and I have been right where you are. I still am right where you are. I have had 3 previous Gynaecological surgeries before but this one seems so definite. I feel almost like I am going into a depression. I spend the days wondering if maybe I don't require this surgery. Then I realize the pain and nausea I am suffering daily and know I must. My mind is scattered and my fuse is short. Makes me wonder what menopause will be like in two days .... keep your chin up and study, study, study. I try to feel comfortable in the fact I may understand why and what my surgeon is doing. In 30 hrs I put my trust in her to do what is best for me. I hope this helps in some small way to know you are alone in your thoughts but others are suffering the same thoughts too. good luck!

Good luck tomorrow! I hope everything goes well for you!

I know what you mean about feeling like your mind is scattered. I just had that feeling again like I feel fine, followed by nausea and cramps. I remember a time when I wasn't always like this. So, that is what I am shooting for. A time when I am not completely consumed by all these symptoms coming and going.

It is like having a toothache forever, and then going to the dentist, and having it all fixed, except on a much larger scale.

I am putting my faith in these doctors. My aunt is an Ob-Gyn, and I know that these doctors know what they are doing. I guess it is our job to do what we can for ourselves at our end of things.

God bless you, and I wish you a healthy and speedy recovery!

Hanna10

Dear Hannah,

You said: "The other odd thing is that sometimes I feel totally fine, and this happens after weeks of feeling miserable, and I start to think I don't really need a hysterectomy. Now, I know I need one, but there is this little voice that says, "Are you really sure?" "

You have no idea how much you helped ease MY mind with your post!!! All day today I have been trying to figure out how to bring that worry to the other sisters here without sounding like a goof-ball. It sounds cliche but I really thought-I-was-the-only-one! I keep thinking, "What if I get in there Monday and my gyno opens me up and there is nothing there???"

I wonder why we (as women, and as human beans) worry so much about that sort of thing? The answer is, "So What???!!!" We are taking charge of our health and reproductive concerns and if it's a "false alarm" then so be it.

Better safe than sorry!

I freakin' LOVE this place. You never know when a sister is going to have your back without even intending to! Thank you Hanna!

DEAOGEE: Good luck and go get 'em, Sister!

Warm hugs!

Hi Melissa,

The thing is that I never realized what an emotional surgery this is too.

My Mom said she cried when she had a tooth pulled once, so she can understand if I am a bit emotional.

I think maybe it is all interconnected. I think it was Stephen Covey that once said, "We aren't human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey."

That is how I feel with this operation. I am a spiritual being on this very human, and very female journey, of having a hysterectomy. Some days I am going to feel great, because my spirit feels great! Other days, I am going to feel like hell because I have 6+tumors growing on my oversized uterus, and all my organs are getting pressed upon.

I think, and this website has confirmed, that anxiety is normal for such a major procedure. Because it isn't a walk in the park.

I am really grateful to read everyones posts, because my family is more freaked out than I am, and I can't really talk to them. The more I read here at Hystersisters, the more I feel like I am not alone. That is like the worst feeling. To think it is only you that is going through something.

I think I am going to be OK, but I need to really take it one step at a time, one day at a time, because it really does all get overwhelming.

Take Care Ladies,
Hanna10

Hanna10, when I read your post it gave me chills. I have been feeling this way since I made the decision to have a hysterectomy. The other day I was making a list of reasons not to have this surgery. I wish my surgery date was set already but I have about 1 1/2 months to go. It seems THE ONLY people who understand how I feel are the women on this website. Thank you for putting it in words for me.