Sex after hysterectomy

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Originally Posted by buttons11 I've had no desire whatsoever since my hyst in Oct 07. We have tried lots of times, but it's so painful I can't enjoy it and it's got to the point now where my DH is now reluctant to start anything because he doesn't want to hurt me. We've been married less than two years, and although DH is really understanding, it's not fair on him and I already feel like my marriage is over. I also wish someone had talked to me about things like this beforehand. In fact, no doctor has talked to me about this since surgery!

Wow, that's rough. Have you approached a doctor about it? I asked my doctor about it before the hyst. She told me that about half the women who have the hyst don't have a problem, but if I have a problem, we'll experiment with HRT until we find what works for me.

I'm on the estrogen patch right now, and it seems to be working fine. Not that we're sexually active yet (not until 10 weeks, says my doc), but I haven't really had any hot flashes to speak of (and I had them all the time, before the hyst), and I masturbated to orgasm once, and was quite satisfied with the results.

Hi sisters, I am four weeks post-op today and have been feeling very like indulging, but am ridiculously worried about having an orgasm. I have this vision of messing up all the repairs inside (as well as hysterectomy and diathermy to endo, I had repairs to enterocele). I had to give up doing the pelvic floor contractions as it was too painful bowelwise. Also, I have heard that orgasm can be less intense, due to lack of uterine contractions, although I know it is certainly not always the case. I'm not sure I'm emotionally prepared for the possibility of that yet!

Any experiences that can help combat my paranoia??

Honestly, I hate to rain on anyone's parade, but I'm almost a year post op in a matter of a few weeks and ever since the surgery, have never had an orgasm. I actually can barely remember what they were like and if I never had sex I wouldn't care anymore, and it upsets me. I have a boyfriend and of course he enjoys it. But as far as I go, I just go through the motions and it's an empty feeling. Nobody told me it would be like this. I had everything taken out except my cervix. I had severe endometriosis and fibroids. My boyfriend is either a lousy lover or it's me. I just don't have any desire and never feel satisfied afterwards, like it never happened. I'm only 45. My dr. never prepared me for this. And I don't know what to do. I want to keep my boyfriend, but at the same time I don't care for sex at all anymore. I do take antidepressents. Maybe that is part of the problem. I don't know. I doubt I'll ever know.

Crumbs Luvs2Quilt, how awful for you. To be honest, this is part of the reason I don't want to even try. Because, emotionally, I don't feel ready to cope with it if it turns out that orgasms are non-existent or not like before. I hate to ask, because it is so personal, but you obviously must mean that you haven't had an orgasm alone either? Have you been to the doctor to speak about it, or is it just too embarrassing? I did pluck up the courage to ask my consultant when I might be able to consider an orgasm (I was still behind the screen and he had returned to his desk!) and he said 'trial and error' like he had to most questions, which didn't help a lot. I was worried about sutures inside really and thought that if I did it too early, 'error' could be somewhat disasterous!!

Luvs2Quilt, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm also 45 and feel like my sex life is over. I wouldn't care if I never had sex again, it's just something I have to put up with to keep my DH happy.
I was on antidepressants for a few months after the op, but I took myself off them. I know one of the common side effects of most of them is lack of libido, but it hasn't actually made any difference to me.
I have tried several times on my own, but didn't manage an orgasm. It was taking too long and I got bored!!!
I want to feel like I want it, but I just don't.

my doc said orgasms are completely harmless and to go ahead and enjoy them .... so I have, from like day 3. I'm so sorry for those of you with problems reaching one ... I know hormonal balance plays a big role so talk to your doctors! of course, there are those with other circumstances. hope it improves over time ...

buttons, have you tried the old trick of watching a racy movie?? or reading a novel? who knows ....

I have the opposite thing going on...I'm wanting sex all the time, have alot of libido, but I can't yet...I go back to the doc in about 2 weeks...and I don't know if I can't wait that long. She says I have two sutures that need to still come out. I didn't have this much libido before and its driving me crazy. I feel bad for those of you who say you have problems with no orgasms, I'd def. talk to a doctor about that. My doc didn't cover alot of things before my surgery, I had to find out the hard way, thru someone else, and luckily I found this site so alot of my questions were answered, but she should have told me first. Anyway, once I do get the ok for sex....my husband will be happy is all I can say!

My dh is getting very impatient! Lol. My doc told us 10 weeks! I'm less than four weeks out, so still quite a while to go. However, I have achieved orgasm on my own. And I told him that this coming weekend, we could try some "outercourse" (we'd have tried it this past weekend, but we were traveling, and sharing a hotel room with the kids. Hello? Not appropriate! Lol!)

For those who have no desire, I definitely had this problem when my hormones were all wonky pre-hyst. I had to get creative. When I knew my dh would be in the mood that night, I'd start mentally prepping myself early in the day. I'd think about things that really appeal to me, and also think about it not so much as sex, but as just another expression of intimacy and our love for one another, like cuddling or something. Then, I would enjoy it just for that aspect. It fosters closeness and intimacy between a husband and wife. Nine times out of ten, once we got started, my body would just take over, and I'd really enjoy it!

I haven't been feeling too many urges since my hyst, but since I've had one self-induced orgasm, I know it's still possible, and I've shared this good news with my dh. I know that when it's time, I may have to work at it a little to "rev my engine", but hey, a happy hubby is a good thing to have!

Please wait for your 6 week post op from your doctor and for them to give you the okay to have sex...It is the best thing to do.

I was wondering what lube did you use. I am 7 weeks post op and got the green light as well. We had a little trouble with the dryness. Also, my husband said it felt like there was something up there rubbing like skin. Could it be that it was dry?