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SEVERELY depressed today.... SEVERELY depressed today....

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  #1  
Unread 10-09-2000, 08:23 AM
SEVERELY depressed today....

So far since I've found out about my surgery, I've coped fairly well, and have done a pretty good job of laughing off my stress.

But today, with about 2 1/2 weeks to go, I'm so severely depressed I can barely stand it. I don't think I could laugh about anything if my life depended on it, can barely keep myself from crying, and frankly, right now I believe that if I didn't wake up from my surgery, I wouldn't mind a bit.

No, I'm not manic-depressive, or anything like that. Just having a REALLY bad day.

Any ideas, anyone?

"sad" (not mad today) morgan
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  #2  
Unread 10-09-2000, 09:22 AM
SEVERELY depressed today....

Morgan- I've cried more tears in the last two months than I have in my whole life combined. I'm not a crying person usually, but I decided that if I felt like crying there was a reason.

I also gave into to any whim I had. If all I felt like eating was chinese food - that is what I ate. (it's better than nothing) I watched tv that I wanted to and got movies that I wanted to and only did what I wanted to do. Okay yes - I'm not nice to live with right now but I DON'T CARE !!

I am not worse than I would have been with a couple more hormone shots in me - that is for certain ! I did go through a phase where I thought I was seriously depressed but did a little reading on estrogen defficiency. Between that and not enough vitamins (I wasn't eating or sleeping)I was a little lethargic. Complex B vitamins (with C) helped a lot with my energy level.

However it could all be stress due to surgery. This is a difficult thing for the human mind to comprehend ... they are going to put me to SLEEP then cut me open... then take things out... then sew me back up and then wake me up again and I'll be better ... hmmm... sounds wrong somehow...

Have you been preparing for surgery ? That also helped me - I really feel that this pre-surgery stuff is part of the process. I bought myself a magazine and a couple books and a couple movies and a couple CD's and underwear a size larger and drawstring pants in a larger size so I can REALLY swelly belly comfortably :-)

There are lists on the pulldown menus (HS hints/helps I think)

Anyway so in a nutshell - it is okay to be sad or mad or depressed or anything you feel before surgery - that is how you feel ! It just might not be healthy in the long run to stay that way. You might think this is weird but I thought back to a happy time (It was quite a ways back ...) in my childhood and thought about what made me happy then. Simple pleasures. You know what it was - Cherry blossom chocolate bars !! I bought 4 of them and ate them all - not all at once. Cherry blossoms were a luxury when I was about 8 because they were more than other chocolate bars. I felt surprisingly better after I ate them !

Anyway - you are probably tired of reading my hormonal ramblings, but I just wanted to let you know that I know how you are feeling and I care.
  #3  
Unread 10-09-2000, 09:23 AM
SEVERELY depressed today....

Hi Morgan,
First let me tell you your posts have made me laugh when i was having one of those days.
i too had a few of those days about 2 wks pre op.
don't have a magic fix,but it did help to talk about my real fears with someone,(i chose my husband).I think it is normal to have a wide range of feeling leading up to the surgery,i know i have.
Now with my surgery being tomorrow i am thinking about how quickly the time has gone by and how much i still have to do.Sorry to ramble ,just wanted you to know that you are not alone.Blessings to you.
Tonya
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  #4  
Unread 10-09-2000, 01:23 PM
SEVERELY depressed today....

Hi Morgan - you have been a source of great humour and hope your blues lift a bit. I am 9 days pre-op and went through the same thing 2 weeks - and I too normally deal with stress by being humorous. I found that I was spending a lot of my time focusing on everything that had to be done and worrying about getting it done. Positive imagery really helped - I love the ocean and thought of a recent trip to Key West. Picture a place you really like and hopefully that will help. I recently read a book called Woman to Woman by an author who had a TAH - it seems that there is a certain cyle of pre-op stress and tears that seem to subside.

I hope you find some sunshine today, and the next days. PS Having my fiance tell me repeatedly he loved me helped.

Good luck!
  #5  
Unread 10-09-2000, 02:27 PM
SEVERELY depressed today....

Hi Morgan-
I am 2 days pre-op and up until yesterday morning I was pretty good. Now I'm starting to freak out, lol. I'm not afraid of the surgery or anything like that. I have been through numerous surgeries before. I am looking forward to the end result of this surgery, but dreading the recovery.
I've been pretty weepy for 24 hours now, but I just chalk it up to nerves and frustration (frustration that I can't get everything done I would like to before going into the hospital). I'm just sorta going with the flow, so to speak.
I keep reading that the waiting is the hardest part. I have to believe these sweet ladies cuz they have been where we are now and know what it's like on the other side.
Hang in there.
  #6  
Unread 10-09-2000, 02:41 PM
You need a funny story right about now.....

Hi Morgan:

Just wanted to share this with you to maybe make you chuckle. You have to picture this: I have NO boobs; had both removed in 1997 for cancer. Now, our family has always managed to find humor in all of the BS--they went wig shopping with me, they went HOOTER shopping with me. (Picture THAT-"yes, what have you got in a 42D?") LOL

Now that you knwo my frame of mind, here's what I want to share with you...

For those of you who have read my funny story "Fun with Mail Order Prosthetics" on the "Our Experience" page of my website, you'll get a kick out of this... THIS story's going on it ASAP. LOL

My daughter (13) has been trying to decide what to be for Halloween (I KNOW you can see where this is goin'...LOL) Well, I decided to let her wear my bra with the fake foam hooters built right in so she could go as the newly enhanced Britney Spears!

Well, she turned the tables on me--came out of the bathroom with a pair of spandex pants on, but had the bra underneath them, strapped around her BUTT to look like Jennifer Lopez! I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants!!!

I thank God everyday for having given my family it's wonderful (if warped) sense of humor to get us through all of this!

Hope this gave you a lift today!!!!

Maybe NOW you'll want to read some of the OTHER fun stuff at my website LOLOL.

Hugs, Michele

http://mikkki630breastcancer.homestead.com/index.html
  #7  
Unread 10-09-2000, 08:21 PM
I was, too

I know how you feel, even though I was already on antidepressants. I was very nervous and depressed a few weeks before my recent (9/20) TVH and bladder repair. I felt put-upon, alone and scared.

The good news is, my fears abated a few days before surgery as I realized I could no longer go on bleeding endlessly. Anything would have to be an improvement. My surgery went VERY simply and I feel wonderful--and it hasn't quite been 3 weeks! It is the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I am 41 and have two kids, and as a single mother did not need any more stress in my life--the hysterectomy gave me back my life!! The vaginal hys was VERY easy, I never had any pain at all. I had two pain shots in the 3 nights I was in the hospital, and not even a Tylenol otherwise!

Please hang in there and post here, the girls here are the best friends anyone could ask for--they kept me going!
  #8  
Unread 10-10-2000, 02:20 PM
SEVERELY depressed today....

I know how you feel yesterday i cried for really know reason and i was mean to the kids and my husband do not know why even told them maybe they would be better off without me.Told my dh not to go with me to the hospital that i do not want him there [but i do] I guess i am just being *****y.But we will get over it please
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