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is it ok for me to be here? is it ok for me to be here?

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Unread 10-09-2000, 11:58 PM
is it ok for me to be here?

My name is Beth. My Mom (57) just found out that the polyps she had removed were cancerous. She is due for surgery on October 20th and will be having a hysterectomy done. I live in Idaho and she lives in North Carolina. I would like to ask you all a question, please. I want to be as suportive as I can, but I don't know where to start. I am going to go visit her after the surgery, when everyone else has gone back to work. She is very stubborn and thinks she won't need any help. Should I go anyway?
I'm sorry to come in here and bother you all. I just don't know where to go.
thank you for listening.
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Unread 10-10-2000, 12:26 AM
no trouble at all

Beth- Yes she will need you!! Stay by her side. She will rely on help after the surgery. I just had a hystectomy on Oct 5 and my husband has been home since but will return to work tomorrow. She will need you emotionally & physically.

Please stop by here any time. She might have questions about all of this that you can ask us to help her out. Does she have a computer? If so tell her about us.

Sending my love

Unread 10-10-2000, 02:07 AM
is it ok for me to be here?

Make sure you are there! She may kick and fight for you not to be but she will no matter what need some help! Parents just hate it when they have to have thier own kids do something for em. Why is that? They take care of us raise us and then try not to let us do anything for them LOL. She will end up thanking you for the help that she will realize she needed. Tell your mom good luck and God bless!

partial/hyst(getting excited !!!)
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Unread 10-10-2000, 05:50 AM
is it ok for me to be here?


Of course it is okay for you to be here. Please let your mom know that there is help out here if she wants it. This is a very emotional surgery to deal with, and some just don't understand that, it is nice to be able to talk to others that have been through it.

YES your mother will need you. You should go even if she says she won't need you. This surgery takes awhile to recuperate from. It is not an overnight thing. She won't be allowed to do much of anything for at least 4 to 6 weeks. Not only will she need you to help out with everyday things, she will need you emotionally.

We wish the very best for your mother.
Unread 10-10-2000, 10:47 AM
is it ok for me to be here?

Beth - Yes, I think it's great that you've come here for some support so you can offer support to your mom. How wonderful. I also agree...she will need you after surgery.
Unread 10-10-2000, 01:12 PM
is it ok for me to be here?

Yes, there is plenty that you will be able to do for your mom. She may grumble and complain (as my mom does), but by the time you get there, she will have realized just how much she does need and will appreciate not only having you there to help, but also having her loving daughter there to chat with, look at, etc.

If worse comes to worse, you can always sit in another room with a book or whatever until she's ready to admit she needs something. Sooner or later, she'll probably call out for you. If she doesn't? HER LOSS!

Take care, and good luck....
Unread 10-10-2000, 02:57 PM
Of Course You Should Be Here!

Gosh, I hope you know you can come here and post questions anytime! The ladies here love to share their experiences and opinions.

As far as visiting your mother, I can tell you that I am one of those people who does NOT like to be waited on. I had to ask someone to carry my 22lb. bag of Dog Chow to my car today and it nearly killed me to do it. I'm 2-weeks post-op tomorrow.

But my mother-in-law (a fantastic saint-of-a-woman) came the first week after my surgery and I don't know what I would have done without her. She did not hover around me and ask 'can I help...', 'do you need...', 'can I get you something...' No, that would have driven me nuts. She took care of everything BUT me and let ME take care of ME. And that was all I needed. So maybe plan on taking care of your Mom's house, the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, pay the bills, walk the dog, water the plants whatever. Empower her to take care of herself, but be there if she needs you.

Good luck to you. I hope I'm raising kids that are as wonderful as you to want to help.

Unread 10-10-2000, 04:12 PM
Mom in North Carolina

Beth: Where in North Carolina is your mother? I also live in NC, and would be glad to lend any emotional or physical support that I can. You can email me privately if you like at [email protected]



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