No Date: Shock, blankness...interrupted by crying

The cancer section will help you learn what to ask. There are many wonderful sisters there. They help me know what my DRs are talking about. Most of my questions have already been asked by others.
I know what you mean and am kinda glad and kinda sad.

June -

I am sorry to hear you are joining the ranks of us who have had to have surgeries for some form of gyn cancer. Glad that you found us here at HysterSisters.

It truly can be devastating because many times you don't have the pain that others had and you know that after surgery there will be pain even if it may only be for the initial recovery period. That was me (regular perids with some heavy bleeding that my gyn thought a D&C would take care of since I had small fibroids than "you have endometrial cancer and need a total hysterectomy plus tubes and ovaries out, now!")

It is a huge challenge for the control freaks among us and if you were getting healthy and the body did a revolt (that was / is me too).

Please consider visiting the Cancer Concerns you can find information and the CC forum there. You will find supportive women who totally get the confusion, frustration and emotional distress that hearing the "C" word causes (regardless of type or stage).

The best advice that I got when I was in my initial figuring it out stage was "don't borrow trouble from tomorrow." Sorry if I sound too much like your husband but you have to approach it one day and thing at a time or it can be absolutely overwhelming.

So for now, control the things you can control
Focus on finding the right Dr. Go over to the CC section and start a thread asking for questions and how to make the decision.
Write down the questions and if you have to make your husband the list manager do it.

Once the decision on surgeon is established than move on to getting ready for the surgery and all the pre-op stuff. Take some time to cry and rant as necessary to keep you emotionally healthy. Ask some questions about post surgery treatments so you know what might happen but you can't guarantee any of that for now until you have stage and grade. Do some research that sort of thing.

Find out what type of support services there are for you if you think you need them (through American Cancer Society or some other group).

We just had a celebration thread in the CC forum for a woman who is been delared NED (no evidence of disease) by her oncologist after having been diagnosed with a stage 4 cancer. So don't give up.

sending

G.

Thank you so much.

I found a link in the CC forum to some excellent oncologist questions and will print them and put my husband in charge.

My biggest concern is after care and the responsiveness of the doctor since I will be in her care for years.

June -

Great question to ask on a thread in CC.

For my endometrial cancer I didn't need any chemo or radiation, it was very early stage but I still see my gyn-onc every 3 to 4 months for the first 2 years, then next 2 years should be 2x a year and than 5th year should be 1x a year.

He warned me early on that he "only treats the cancer but would help me find anyone else I needed". He's been true to his word he put me in touch with a uro-gyn when I was experiencing some vulvar and vaginal pain not related to the cancer. She helped me tons.

This is truly a marathon and not a sprint. Journalling helped me work through a lot of emotions and crying.



G.

Nope, your not alone!! got my date and cried like a baby. I think I went through all of the stages of grief as well. Friends say it's no big deal...it will be a nice break...ha break my tush!! I will pay you to stay inactive that long.

As for the hubby...mine is a fixer. He want to be able to change and control everything. having him take over the details drove me nuts the first few weeks, but now he isn't as nutso about everything and it makes me feel better that all the details of my surgery and recovery is handled. Surgery Aug 30th.

We are hear for you hun!! I found this site about a month ago and don't know what I would have done with out the isight and support I have found here. Make me feel allot better about being so emotional.

My situation is very similar to yours. I have never had surgery before and I thought I was going in for a routine pap test. I got the abnormal results, had a colposcopy and uterine biopsy. My DH kept saying I was over reacting and being ridiculous. "you don't have cancer!" he would say rolling his eyes. Then I get the results, microscopic adenocarcinoma, cancer. I freaked out! I made my DH take me to the zoo, beach anywhere but home to keep my mind off the cancer. At my next appointment the doc said "don't worry you don't have cancer, its only precancer." Best day of my life! I had cone biopsy next day. Then doc calls me and says "you do have cancer and we didn't get clear margins, you need a hysterectomy." Worst day of my life. What a rollercoaster.

I was mad a DH for always saying don't worry, acting like he wasn't concerned, like he didn't understand. I overheard him on the phone telling his friend how guilty he felt about minimizing my problems and how bad he felt for giving me false hope. It made me realize he was only being strong for me but was hurting inside. He was suffering too and trying to figure out how to deal with it. He went and bought books on cancer and learned what I should be eating. He makes me healthy cancer fighting food now, dinner, snacks, everything. He ended up apologizing to me for always assuming I would be fine and not realizing there was anything to be worried about. I told him he was doing the right thing for me staying positive and strong and that was his job as my husband. He stayed both nights in the hospital with me and he took a week off work to care for me. He went with me to every pre op and post op visit and kept me laughing.

This whole experience has brought us closer and made me realize how much I love and appreciate him. Be patient with your husband because he is going through this too and is probably in the denial stage like my husband was. At my 1 week post op visit they told us the lymph node biopsy was negative which meant the cancer has not spread and I have a greater than 95% chance that it is gone for good. What a relief. If this all didn't happen I wouldn't have realized how much I love my husband and what a great man he is. I know now how much my friends and family love and support me. I have even had 4 people offer to be surrogates for us. I have never felt so loved.

I know where you are at now it feels like the end of the world. I know how alone and helpless you feel. You can't believe this is your life. Everyone kept telling me "everything happens for a reason" and I thought how could I possibly benefit from this experience? Well now I realize they were right. I needed a slap in the face to realize how great my life is, and now I want to volunteer to help other cancer patients.

oh chubbs, wow. Your husband sounds like a terrific guy and I'm glad your experience brought you closer together. You're right that I should think of where he is in dealing with this...I can only imagine what I'd be like if I'd heard he was sick. I think the oncologist appt Monday is the first of many for the two of us. He doesn't want to treat me like a child, but he is protective. I can count on him to be my advocate.

cocakelady - a detail handler - that's it! Men like to be doing something and not just standing around passively.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by chubbs242 My situation is very similar to yours. I have never had surgery before and I thought I was going in for a routine pap test. I got the abnormal results, had a colposcopy and uterine biopsy. My DH kept saying I was over reacting and being ridiculous. "you don't have cancer!" he would say rolling his eyes. Then I get the results, microscopic adenocarcinoma, cancer. I freaked out! I made my DH take me to the zoo, beach anywhere but home to keep my mind off the cancer. At my next appointment the doc said "don't worry you don't have cancer, its only precancer." Best day of my life! I had cone biopsy next day. Then doc calls me and says "you do have cancer and we didn't get clear margins, you need a hysterectomy." Worst day of my life. What a rollercoaster. I was mad a DH for always saying don't worry, acting like he wasn't concerned, like he didn't understand. I overheard him on the phone telling his friend how guilty he felt about minimizing my problems and how bad he felt for giving me false hope. It made me realize he was only being strong for me but was hurting inside. He was suffering too and trying to figure out how to deal with it. He went and bought books on cancer and learned what I should be eating. He makes me healthy cancer fighting food now, dinner, snacks, everything. He ended up apologizing to me for always assuming I would be fine and not realizing there was anything to be worried about. I told him he was doing the right thing for me staying positive and strong and that was his job as my husband. He stayed both nights in the hospital with me and he took a week off work to care for me. He went with me to every pre op and post op visit and kept me laughing. This whole experience has brought us closer and made me realize how much I love and appreciate him. Be patient with your husband because he is going through this too and is probably in the denial stage like my husband was. At my 1 week post op visit they told us the lymph node biopsy was negative which meant the cancer has not spread and I have a greater than 95% chance that it is gone for good. What a relief. If this all didn't happen I wouldn't have realized how much I love my husband and what a great man he is. I know now how much my friends and family love and support me. I have even had 4 people offer to be surrogates for us. I have never felt so loved. I know where you are at now it feels like the end of the world. I know how alone and helpless you feel. You can't believe this is your life. Everyone kept telling me "everything happens for a reason" and I thought how could I possibly benefit from this experience? Well now I realize they were right. I needed a slap in the face to realize how great my life is, and now I want to volunteer to help other cancer patients.

Okay. That brought tears to my eyes. You girls have the strength most men would die for.

Hi June68 - I am now post operation having been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. It is 2 weeks since I came home and the pathology results were stage 1A which means I dont need any further treatment other than regular check ups. I can so empathise with what you are saying. The problem is that with most men when they are scared or worried they can go into overdrive with wanting to plan things and do things etc. All my family are so keen to tell me how lucky I am and how it was caught early and how it has now gone and how I no longer need to worry. My husband keeps wanting to talk about what we are going to do in the future etc. He, too, is a lovely man and my son is wonderful. I feel like I have to go along with it all so they feel better. Inside I still can't say that word and cant equate it to me. I get some really fearful moments and worry about it coming back but don't feel I can talk about it because, after all, I am so lucky! I hope things get better for you. I think that what someone else said about trying to take a step at a time is good advice. I wish you well from England. love across the ocean from Barbara xxx