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How to deal with loseing all of your friends?? How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

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  #11  
Unread 05-14-2003, 04:50 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

Just wanted to add my 's in here, this is something I've been dealing with for about 3yrs now, my best friend never calls me and if it weren't for email I would almost never talk to her, and when I bring up how much I need her especially these last 3yrs when I've been feeling so awful she always says something like "my life isn't a bowl of cherries either ya know" like it's a competition or something.....it's funny she could call me every night when I was healthy but now there just isn't time even on the weekend!!!

If it weren't for the friends that I've found here I would've gone bonkers years ago......this place is what has kept me sane, plain and simple and someone should really give them credit for keeping us going!!!

hang in there, we're all here for ya.........'s
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  #12  
Unread 05-14-2003, 08:03 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

Sounds like a lot of us have had similar problems with some "friends". I am a very strong person, not thick skinned, but I do present myself as a very capable person. I have an incredible amount of experience and I am the kind of person that tries very hard to learn from experience. However....because I am "strong" I attract people who turn out not to be so strong but are needy themselves.

When I turned 50 I reflected on my life and made some, well a lot, of changes. One of those changes was I would no longer nurture relationships based on how much weakness I could tolerate in another person. My relationships are based on trust. Which means I have very very few real friends. When I had my hyst I had my mother, my boyfriend and two friends that even gave a S...! Well, that was enough, because these folks are sincere and I trust them completely.

I know it is heartbreaking though. I had a friend that I loved very much and still do. We hung out together all the time and at least spent one weekend evening together. But she, in a moment of weakness (drunk and mad at her worthless boyfriend) made a move on my boyfriend. He told me about it and she got a call from me the next day. I dressed her down one side and up the other and then told her she could no longer be in my life. It tore my heart out and I miss her soooo much. But, too bad. I will not tolerate someone I cannot trust.

We have to accept the fact that we choose certain people, or we accept people that choose us with questioning why. Weak people always will gravitate to a strong person. If you really really think about those "lost" friends I am sure you will remember little clues that they always dropped about themselves that told you they were a person of less character than you.

But, surprise surprise. You have many friends here on this site and many friends you haven't even met yet. Keep your mind and eyes open for them.
  #13  
Unread 05-15-2003, 08:17 AM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

Hi sisters!!

I guess we all have our share of lost friendships! It is just so sad that is has to go the way it does! I always thought the few friends I had were my TRUE friends until now. I DO have 1 friend left, the RN that I always talk about, but as a RN she is always at work working those awful hours that I wish I had!!

I have sat back and looked at the BIG picture and I just do not have the strength to fight for them. At this point I have all of you and that is the ONLY thing keeping me going right now! Without you all, I would be checking into the 6th floor at the hospital in the psych ward. Being able to find support and friendships here is far better than having part time friends that you have to WORK to keep. To me, you are all more than friends! Your my SISTERS!!

Thanks to you ALL for sharing and helping me see that I am NOT alone..

HUGS
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  #14  
Unread 05-15-2003, 09:24 AM
This is what makes this site so great.

I fortunately have not had the same experience as you, but I don't really have that many close friend to begin with. The ones I do have I don't really talk to that often as we all have our own lives. But I do know that if I need them, they are there for me. My problem is that I don't want to depend on anyone else so I tend to keep my problems bottled up inside. When I was scheduled for my colonoscopy (keep in mind this was probably 5 months after my pain came back) my sister called and yelled at me for not telling her that my pain was that bad. When she asked why I hadn't told her all I could say was I didn't want to worry or bother her. You see in my family and circle of friends I am the one that everyone else leans on. So when things come up with me I don't tend to complain to them. At times this can be a great weight on my shoulders, but for the most part that is the role I play in life being that I am a nurse by profession I think it just goes with my personality as the care giver. Sad to say but on of my best friends doesn't even know that I had a hyst. Now I know this sounds absurd, but I have been friends with her since we were 5 and since high school I probably talk to her about twice a year. And we attend each others kids birthday parties etc. We don't live all that close, but I still know that if I need her she will be there for me and vise versa. My other best friend was great after my hyst but doesn't know I just had surgery again. I probably talk to her about once a month. I do have some friends at work who probably know more about my current situation that my best friends, but that is just because I am with them more. I know I sound strange, but that is just how I am. I depend mostly on myself and my husband for support. And I definitely gain more support and strength here than anywhere else. I truely don't know what I would have done without this site. It makes so much difference to have someone to talk to who has been there before or is going through the same thing. Our family and friends just can't provide that kind of support unless they have been there.

Please remember that your sisters are here for you all even when no one else is.

's
Pamela
  #15  
Unread 05-15-2003, 10:47 AM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

Dear Pam

I just want to say that I can totally relate to everything that you have said..and I want to thank all of you for sharing these painful experiences.

I used to be very social and had many friends. Once I became ill...I made ME my priority. I made researching my illnesses a priority. My full time job became a quest for finding the answers....so I could lead a better life.

Once I started this, I realized that I was the one always giving to my friends. Once I started giving to me...they slowly drifted away. I know that one reason is that they do not understand....but it is mainly because they always relied on me to be there to 'listen, sort through their troubles....basically to make everything better for them.' I have always been a giver...and once I started giving to myself everything changed.

Don't get me wrong, I am the nurturing type...and I miss not being able to be everyone's Mummy. But I simply can not do it anymore. My health is my #1 concern. Thankfully I have a DH who has stood by my side through all of this. I do have a good family too...But they are still adjusting to me not being the core diplomat...especially since my Dear Dad passed away. Everything good in me, came from him. Hopefully one day I will be able to step back into those shoes...but I will be wiser/stronger and I will not let anyone suck the life out of me every again (you know the taker types...I think they call them 'emotional vampires.')

Thanks for posting this...although my heart is heavy that it is happening to so many of us. There is strength in numbers, and I do not know what I would have done/would do without my sisters by my side as I walk down this road....

Sending much love and many S
  #16  
Unread 05-15-2003, 05:06 PM
JUDSTER

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT WHAT YOU WROTE AND EVERYONE WROTE WS SO WELL PHRASED. I AM JUST LIKE YOU AS A PERSON. I WAS EVRYONES MOMMY. I DECIDED TO PUT MYSELF AS MY MAIN PRIORITIY AND LIKE YOU I HAVE BEEN ON A QUEST TO FIND ANSWRES TO HELP MYSELF GEY BETTER PHYSICALLY SO I CAN LIVE A MORE ENHANCED LIFE.NO ONE OUTSIDE MY FAMILY, HUSBAND AND CHILDREN MATTER TO ME ANYMORE.MY HYSTERSISTER FRIENDS MATTER TO ME THOUGH BECAUSE THEY ALL CAN RELATE AND WERE ALL ON THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER. A BIG PIECE OF OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROM US AND WERE ALL TRYING TO MEND OUR SOULS BODIES AND MINDS AND ARE TRYING TO BE COMPLETE AGAIN..HUGS TO YOU AND TO EVERYOME HERE. GOD BLESS ALL...ANGEL
  #17  
Unread 05-15-2003, 05:14 PM
I BETTER REPHRASE SOMETHING

WHEN I SAID IN MY REPLY ABOUT NO ONE OUTSIDE MY FAMILY, HUSBAND OR CHILDREN DOESNT MATTER ANY MORE??? I MEANT TO SAY. I DONT CARE ANYMORE ABOUT PEOPLE OUTSIDE MY FAMILY. I ONLY CARE ABOUT MY HUSBAND,CHIDREN AND FAMILY. I HAVE A TON OF COMPASSION FOR PEOPLE. I DONT "HATE ANYONE". I DONT HAVE HATE IN MY HEART. I AM VERY FORGIVING.I AM KIND TO OTHERS IN THE WORLD..BUT I DONT PRIORITZE THE OUTSIDE WORLD AS MY MAIN FOCUAL POINT AS I DID WHEN I WAS SO MUCH YOUNGER..JUST WANTED TO CLARIFY..ANGEL
  #18  
Unread 05-15-2003, 06:44 PM
Well, things didn't turn out AGAIN as I planned

Leason learned....

Things happen. AND they seem to keep happening to me.

Remember, if anyone is "following" me, I flaked and couldn't get myself to work on Tues. thinking employers would "understand." Feared a UTI and JUST didn't feel well. Called in sick and then told them I would start <again> the folowing week. They seemed okay with that. <This was Tues.>

Well they called me yesterday, Wednesday and decided they didn't need me for off season tax work and to call them in Sept/Oct so that job I was going to take 3 days a week is GONE.

It's meant to be. I'm not healed enough yet to work.

Spent yesterday crying and going to a shrink and having another urinialysis. I feel like I've become a hypercondriac (sp?). Shrink says I'm suffering from post truamtic stress disorder. GREAT

People who haven't gone through a "complication" just don't get it.

Renee<sigh>
  #19  
Unread 05-15-2003, 06:47 PM
Whoops the point of that was....

My friends don't seem to get it either. Should I be over this....I'm afraid that something is going to burst inside of me. Having an ultrasound and seeing a neurologist for my RLS now too....and seeing the psychologist again too.....

One of my jogging partners basically just said to me to "get over it" and move on....go to school again to pass THAT test....

So the point is FAMILY matters. Agree
Renee<Again>
  #20  
Unread 05-16-2003, 06:45 AM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

Thanks girls!!

I am really glad I posted this! Sadly all of your experiences make me feel so cared for and NOT alone anymore. It has helped sooo much and I think it really helped everyone to open up and talk about their same feelings.

Renee,
I am so sorry about your job situation. Maybe God is just keeping you safe and telling you that you are not ready yet. I know exactly how you are feeling though. I quit my job, but know at this point I would be in the SAME situation you are right now because my old job was known to let people go for extended time off. I also see a psychiatrist and therapist, although I have had to cancel this months appts and I pray that I will be able to make next months with everything I have going on. I was diagnosed with Bipolar and I think maybe my meds are not working fully yet because I am having the same sort of cycling I used to have from it.. As for people telling you to get over it.... Well, I wont even justify that with a comment because that phrase really strikes a huge nerve with me! Please take care sweetie and I hope you feel better soon!!

Angel and Judester It is so sad, but nice to know that I am not alone on this subject!! I want to thank you both for opening up and do not worry about having to justify anything you post, we know what you mean and drifting from one point is a GOOD thing, we have to let it all out from time to time. Thank you sisters!!

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