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How to deal with loseing all of your friends?? How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

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Unread 05-18-2003, 07:44 AM
Losing Friends

You know Pam, friends aren't all they're cracked up to be. I would say that I don't have any either. Never really have. During childhood I had one very good friend all through school. When we got to high school she went down a different path. I always thought we would be friends forever, sharing our married lives and children. Didn't happen.

I have always worked outside the home, am 45 years old, 2 kids, daughter 23 and married, son 18 living with girlfriend. Since the kids are older my husband and I have gotten closer, back to where we were before kids. Since the TVH Nov 4, 2001 my life has taken a turn for the better. No days off work due to excessive bleeding and pain, no missing sex because of abdominal pain, no bad mood swings from approaching menopause, no hot flashes. I have that swelly belly thing goin on but who cares. I don't.

When I am feeling low I take a bubble bath, do a manicure for myself, make a yummy soy milk smoothie and read a good book. Of course, I must mention I take Zoloft for panic attacks & depression, over 2 years now. That has helped me handle stress extremely well.

Hang in there, the sun is shining in my part of the country today, my kids are healthy and happy, I have a job I love ( don't really like all the women I work with)...and I love visiting these message boards. We are not alone, we don't need daily contact with self absorbed so called friends, we have each other here.

Gosh I did go on didn't I...sorry, hope you feel better... Happy Day!!!
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Unread 05-18-2003, 08:03 PM
Me, too

I have had this problem since my divorce 10 years ago, if not before. I was very sick with depression in the late '80's and my then husband was very unconcerned. I got a divorce in '93, and have had very few friends since. I led a support group and had those people to talk to, then that ended. 2 friends moved away. When I got a job, everyone was "too busy" to talk with anyone. Now, I have remarried and quit that job, and have only 2 friends I talk to occasionaly, and they both live quite a ways away.

I think some of it is our culture. When I lived in my apartment, I tried to be friendly with all my neighbors, but they were not interested. Now, I am surrounds by retired people who travel a lot. No one seems to want to trust anyone anymore. My dh is great, but I feel the loss you do w/o girlfriends. When I was single, I did everything alone. I still feel alone in that sense.
I've very grateful to you for sending this post. I thought it was only me.

I guess we will all have to keep our friendships growing here!


LAHV 3/19/03....depression and allergies forever.
Unread 05-18-2003, 09:41 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

WOW, It is so sad that most of us are feeling the same way and thinking we are all alone.

I am so glad I posted this when I did and that it has also helped others feeling the same way I am. I still have not talked to any of my friends since I posted this and I am trying really hard to get over it all..... I am at the point that I DONT want to talk to them and I feel like I am just festering it all up inside and eventually I will BLOW!

I know I posted a while back about switching from Zoloft to Wellbutrin and I talked to my Psychiatrist on the phone about it Saturday and she told me I needed to be on BOTH of them. I guess that is why I am feeling so ALONE and depressed. I have been going through so much that I have not had a chance to go see her in 2 months to discuss my meds. SO I will be calling tomorrow to get a script for the Zoloft to take with the Wellbutrin. I am feeling the same old symptoms that I had 2 yearsago coming back slowly but surely. Getting irrate at the drop of a hat, yelling and crying all of the time. My poor DH and DD and DS have taken it all in the past 2 weeks. I REALLY need to get myself back under control!!

Thanks to all of you, and thanks for sharing your stories once again. I guess we all dont feel so alone anymore!!

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Unread 05-19-2003, 06:27 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

I have only had one person visit off their own back since I came out of hospital and that was the school nun. Anyone else (2) people from school have only dropped the kids off and run.
I had one llady say that she didn't want to interefere with the healing time. What a great excuse. You think you have made friends after living in a town for 6 years and had lots of kids over on weekends and after school and not one of the parents or so called friends give a **** when it is them that have to do the giving. It does make you rethink your priorities. Thank God my kids and hubby have been so wonderful and helpful.

My DDs have been fantastic doing the washing and mopping as best little ones can do. I really am grateful and now know who my real friends are. *My kids and Hubby*.

I am very sore today, not tired sore just irratable sore. Hormones are playing tricks, I spent the mornong crying for no reason what so ever today.

So here I am
Unread 05-19-2003, 08:33 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

I am so sorry that you are having a rough day!! I too find myself sitting and crying alot lately, so HERE I am with ya sweetie...

And I just had to add that I too LOVE the excuse that "Oh, I thought I would let you rest before I called you" 2 WEEKS LATER. No thanks, I would rather be without them....

I hope you feel better soon!! Your not alone!!

Unread 05-20-2003, 09:09 AM

It seems like the people we are the closest to are the very ones who don't understand or want to hear anything negative. I have a what I thought was a close friend until I had problems after my Hysterectomy 6 years ago. When I would talk to her about the pain I was experiencing she would immediately shut me out or make a joke of it or tell me that a person just has to learn to live with stuff and move on but on the other hand when she has a problem with anything from periods to headaches she is on the phone asking me all kinds of questions about herself and of course I listen compassionately and talk her through her panic. I also have listened to her remarks and know that she doesn't like to hear negative comments about your health because she fears it will happen to her. My own 2 sisters haven't stood behind me because they didn't have a problem after their Hysterectomies so I think if a person hasn't been there and done that they can't and dont want to understand I guess the old saying what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger is true in allot of ways if it doesn't make you bitter first. Hang in there and remember you are your own best friend love yourself! and even though I can tell you your not alone it some how just doesn't help when you are. healing thoughts your way .
Unread 05-20-2003, 08:53 PM
How to deal with loseing all of your friends??

To all the sisters, I too am a giver and feel used up. I have started thinking more about me and finding out who I am since my son is all grown up. It has been lonely not baking cookies and son and his friends running in and out, the days seem so long but I do get more rest now and I need it. I have starting writing, trying my hand at oil and water painting, I did try knitting but me and those two needles do not get along. I love my little garden and trying to start some things from seeds. We will all make it through this journey, together. Love and prayers to all.
Unread 06-07-2003, 01:15 PM
Wow, I don't feel so alone


I certainly know how you feel, I was never a person who had a lot of friends but I do like to think I had a few at work (especially working there for 15 years). I had a TAH (keeping the ovaries) May 14, and was hurt that noone actually called to at least to see how I was doing. Those people at work were the ones I thought would at least call and didn't. A couple of people in my family didn't call either, I had a feeling they wouldn't as they don't really call regularly so they weren't expected besides I think information was being past on so they didn't bother. I was in hospital for 5 days and no one called there. Once I got home, I refused to make any calls, telling my DH why should I be the one always calling, they can't call just to say hey, how are you doing? I wasn't looking for long conversation. He said maybe they are giving me some time and don't know if they should call. After about a week or two, I sent one general email out to those I thought were my friends. I got some responses by email and some didn't even acknowledge that. To this day, no one has actually called my house to say hello (I have had to call them) and I think I may have received one or two emails from someone actually asking how I am doing. The only person I do talk to when DH is working is my mother. We talk everyday. It's funny how you get a wake up call though, there is one person who emails quite often asking how I'm doing and letting me know that I am in their thoughts. The funny thing, I was never sure about her (she is an in-law) and most times I dreaded getting together with her but now I definately have to sit down and re-think things because she seems to be the one who cares.

One girl at work (I thought was a friend) even went so far as to ask me, for my phone number and email so she could contact me. I have yet to be contacted.

I'm glad I'm not the only one because the more I kept saying it, or thinking it, I too also felt like I was being childish. However, I'm not happy to see how many people this has happened too.

Pam, I hope you feel better (and best wishes also go out to all the sisters ). I'm sorry about the book (I'm always apologizing for that) but once I get writing I just can't see to stop.


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