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Are well-meaning friends stressing you out? Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

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Unread 05-29-2003, 07:56 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

Yesterday, just when I was feeling calm and quite confident about having my TAH BSO tomorrow, a well-meaning friend asked me why I was having a hysterectomy since she'd heard it's an overdone procedure, and she was shocked to think it would be a BSO also.

The same thing happened several weeks ago with another friend.

It makes me feel defensive, like I have to launch into the reasons my doctor and I decided this.

Also, it really undermines my peace of mind!

One thing I've learned from reading all my HysterSisters have to post is that most of us have endured LOTS of problems for years before we and our doctors decide on hysterectomy. We're not rushing into this.

Still - how do you reply to friends and acquaintances who think you're making a "mistake" (without having all the facts)?

Thanks for letting me vent, sisters. My surgery is tomorrow, so maybe I'm a bit touchy tonight.
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Unread 05-29-2003, 08:05 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

I think the best response is something like, I have had tests, tried different treatments, and my DR feels this is the best course of action, and I have complete trust in his opinion, and where did you get your medical degree?

And sometimes it's necessary to avoid the unsupportive friends until after surgery and recovery.

Best wishes!
Unread 05-29-2003, 08:48 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

Sometimes it's difficult for our well-meaning friends to relate to what we are facing because they haven't walked in our shoes. I had a friend like that as well, prior to my surgery. She is my best friend, and I knew that her remarks/"advice" were only because she cared about me and she was worried about my well-being. I avoided her for the week prior to my surgery, however, because I just could not deal with defending myself in what I knew I had to do. After my surgery she came over with flowers and a meal and full of apologies for her "criticism", and all is fine between us now.

Good luck to you tomorrow. You will soon we a Pampered Princess
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Unread 05-29-2003, 09:38 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

Dear Mary Lou and Shelley,

Thanks for responding to my post.

It helps to know how you both handled the "doubting" friends situation.

I trust my doctor, know what I've been through, and have done my own research too. That's what counts, I guess. I'm very confident in my doctor's skills also.

And, I know even my "doubting" friends want what's best for me.

Thanks again.

Unread 05-29-2003, 09:55 PM
Hi berry

Just want to let you know that its not just friends Its also family....My brother had the nerve to say 3 days before my surgery that people die all the time when they are being put out for surgery!!! my reply to him was "oh really, How many people do YOU KNOW that have passed away during surgery?" He changed the subect! Ill just finish by saying my surgery was uneventful as my recovery, I feel great so take care berry everything will be fine Lee
Unread 05-29-2003, 10:34 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

One of my friends was downright rude when I told her I was having a hysterectomy at 36. Her exact words were," you just don't go and yank body parts out."
I walked away. No one, not even DH knew the extent of what I was going through for the majority of every month. I knew what I wanted. I trusted my DR. I went with that. It's just too bad that they can't understand. Aren't they lucky. Let them live in my shoes for awhile and they'd be making the same decision.
I also had a friend who tried to tell me a vaginal would be easier than an abdominal. I wanted no part of a vaginal. I stuck with my decision and gut feeling on that one too and I have not been disappointed. Only I know my body best and I needed an abdominal.
It's funny, now that it's over and done, no one says a thing about it. They don't even ask. I'm happy and that's what counts.
Good luck to you. Your friends here certainly understand.
Unread 06-01-2003, 02:16 AM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

Hi Berrypatch, I learned many years ago that there are true friends who really care about you and there are fair weather friends who really don't care about you. I have both types of friends. When I need encouragment, or when I'm feeling scared or whatever, I talk only to my true friends. They are the ones that I share the big issues with. And it was only them that I shared my upcoming hyst. However, my very concerned hubby felt that my fair weather friends could be a great support for me so he told the neighborhood. We have a very social neighborhood and they are friends but not in the true sort. He now sees what I've been talking about on how catty the women are. The one lady who even cared enough to say anything, went too far with the questions and telling her horror stories. I finally shut her up when I said, "Well, I just got tired of having to lay on the bathroom floor so that I could pee on a towel." She made a horrible grimmace and has not spoken to me since. I don't need that kind of support. So my advice to you is to surround yourself with your best true friends. They'll be there for you.
Unread 06-01-2003, 03:31 PM
Are well-meaning friends stressing you out?

Oh brother! Let them endure my 9-month period and see how much they want to keep it up! When, in the hospital, the Dr. was asking me why I wasn't using my pain meds (PCA pump), I told her that frankly the pain I was experiencing was not much different than what I was having on a regular basis.

The one thing I have learned in life that is ever constant, is that everyone's got an opinion. Unfortunately, the better part of us don't know that it doesn't need to be expressed all the time! I have a lot of female friends who have had hysterectomys. It was just like when I got pregnant, as soon as they all found out I was having my surgery, they all had to tell me about their horror stories. That should be against the law! Thank god for this site, I don't know what I would have done without it!

I am 19 days post opp and feeling so much better. The best part of it is, I am no longer bleeding. I know the pain is going to go away. In fact, except for a few twinges, I am already feeling so much better, way better than before my surgery. You will too, don't listen to those people who don't know what they are talking about. People, people, people!!!!

Hugs, and best wishes!

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