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Why is it??????????? Why is it???????????

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  #1  
Unread 06-01-2003, 01:54 PM
Why is it???????????

I have an appointment with my gyn/onc tommorrow, and I keep going thru the "Is it going to come back?" "Is it silently growing inside me and the paps wont show it?" I have been working hard today doing bills and mowing the lawn to keep my mind off of the appointment.

It is like I have had a cold for the past week or so, every time I cough I leak a little. I have also been spotting. I figured that since I had the appointment I would just wait until then to tell the doc.

I dont know I guess I am just nervous.

So my question is why is it that we have to go thru this? Why is it that these old fears come back time after time? Why is it?????????????
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  #2  
Unread 06-01-2003, 02:48 PM
Why is it???????????

I wasn't sure whether your post was just a rhetorical question or whether you were really looking for some feedback. Well, of course I have no answers, but I read something today that made so much sense to me that I thought I'd share it: we've all heard it thousands of times and it is, "Nature abhors a vacuum." Bearing in mind all that you and we've been through, how could our minds NOT automatically go to a negative thought?! The positive thought (about cancer) does not come automatically to me.

I don't know about you but I was plodding along quite nicely, thank you very much, back in April and then -- all of a sudden -- my world is upside down, I've had major abdominal surgery, my first chemo treatment and a radiation simulation in ancitipation of starting that soon, too. That's just in 6 weeks! Oy! That smarts!!

So, and this is just my opinion, I think you'd be looney if you didn't have some concern about the visit.

I also have to remember that hey, no matter what, I could still walk out of my house and across the street and get hit by a bus! Just because I'm fighting the big "C" doesn't mean that's what's going to do me in!

I didn't mean to go on........ :-)

and good luck tomorrow. You're in my prayers.
  #3  
Unread 06-01-2003, 02:51 PM
Why is it???????????

Oh, and I forgot to mention, as you all already know and understand... I was plunged into surgical menopause - a treat all by itself!

Now that I'm thinking about it, the fact that we find any positive at all is the miracle!!!

God bless us everyone!
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  #4  
Unread 06-01-2003, 02:57 PM
You're Completely Normal

Everyone I know does the same thing especially as appointment time comes around. I'm already getting nervous about 6/30. The appointments and retesting bring it all back, that initial time, and we wonder...what now. Some women find that the longer they're out there beyond treatment and in remission en route to cure that it gets easier; I haven't found that at all. Right now I'm a big symptomatic too so if you said "boo" to me I'd probably fall over. You're normal. Unfortunately. Ellen
  #5  
Unread 06-01-2003, 02:59 PM
Why is it???????????

I've been having those same negative thoughts. I have a repeat CT in 6 weeks if I don't worry myself silly first. I too spent much of the weekend outside pulling weeds and trimming bushes. I imagined the weeds were cancer cells & I was seeking revenge.

I think the only absolute way not to think about it is to be under an anesthetic. So we battle our fears as well as cancer.

Hang in there.

Ruth S
  #6  
Unread 06-01-2003, 03:03 PM
Why is it???????????

I have the exact same feelings happening to me also. My appointments are next monday.

All I can say is hang in there....I am trying to do the same.

Rosalie
  #7  
Unread 06-01-2003, 11:15 PM
Why is it???????????

Jane,
I go thru the same thing. I'm terrified that I will awkaken from the colostomy reversal on Friday to hear that they found more cancer. The friends on this board help me know it's normal to feel that way. People who haven't been thru cancer don't understand what it's like to fear what's going on in your owm body. I will never regain my old self forgetfulness of never thinking about my body. until something broke or was bleeding. My faith is the only thing that really helps me. God knows what is going on inside my body and will work everything for my ultimate good. His perfect love casts out fear.
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