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Uncontrollable tears
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06-25-2003, 08:40 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 17
Hysterectomy: July 22nd, 2003
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Uncontrollable tears
Hello fellow HysterSisters and LIW,
I have posted several times over the past few weeks, but today I need your support, comfort and encouragement more than ever. I know that at least a few, if not many, of you will be able to empathize with what I am feeling. My TAH isn't for another four weeks (7/22) and at this point don't fell overly anxious about it, although I am reserving my right to "freak out" if need be that last week!
Anyway, this is the situation. I am due to get my period this weekend, and was almost hoping that it would be as painful as last month (I ended up in the ER bc the pain was so severe), just to confirm that I am not jumping the gun on the TAH. Well, in the middle of the night last night, I was awoken several times by that tell-tale sharp pain that reminded why I am doing this. As I started thinking about it this morning, I realized that I am about to have my very last period - ever. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying uncontrollably. I don't really think I will "miss" getting it, but I guess I feel a sadness that I have to grieve the loss of the normal cycle of life. God created me to have a period, and up until last month, the word hysterectomy wasn't even in my vocabulary. I don't doubt that this is something I need to do, but I can't believe how very sad I feel at losing this part of my womanhood. Has anybody else felt this way? How does one process that kind of emotion? Fortunately my DH has been wonderful and very tender as I try to describe what I am feeling, but obviously, being a man, he can't really relate. And even though my best friend has been fantastic with me, even she can't relate bc she hasn't had to walk in these shoes. So, if anybody out there has any words of advice or comfort, I would desperately love to hear from you. I feel like an emotional whack-job.
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. This was the one place I knew for certain that I could go and talk to people that have been where I am right now.
emeraldcity51o0
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06-25-2003, 09:36 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 648
Hysterectomy: June 9th, 2003
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Uncontrollable tears
I know exactly how you feel.
I went thru the same emotions before my TVH. I allowed myself to have several good cries then I started trying to focus on the positive aspects. I began looking forward to the life I wanted to live.. that I had been denied for so long. I began thinking about how much better of a wife I was going to be and how much better of a person in general I would be once the pain and problems were gone.
You cant look at it as losing your womanhood. Because in fact.. your uterus does not make you who you are. You will still be a woman without it. Im sure you are a wonderful, caring, nuturing, loving person with many great qualities that make you special. THAT is what makes you a woman. Having your uterus removed will not change that at all. You will still be that same person once its over.. only better!
Big s to you.
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06-25-2003, 09:43 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 39
Hysterectomy: June 17th, 2003
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Uncontrollable tears
I can totally relate. I am 27 and the thought of loosing my "womanhood" so early was hard. I mean, I have children and have known for a couple of years that I could never have more. But it wasn't that really...it was the ACTUAL removal of my womanly parts. I too had trouble with accepting that loss. But the best advice I can give you was given to me by a dear friend...It's a loss, and it's only right to grieve. Yes, you want to have this surgery, and it's okay to want the surgery and to still feel the loss. I must say though, that as my surgery got closer, I became more at ease about it. I know that I am still a woman, just not a "bleeding like a stuck pig" woman anymore. My surgery was a week ago yesterday and I am feeling good. I was afraid that I would wake up all upset or something feeling this large void inside me or something like that. But I didn't. I don't. I am looking forward to my new life, with pretty panties and white clothes and freedom to do whatever with out having to try and schedule around "those days" and no more Aunt Flo ruining everything.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are having, they are natural. Allow yourself to grieve, but then try to see the positive. I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!!
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06-25-2003, 09:46 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 477
Hysterectomy: May 7th, 2003
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Uncontrollable tears
I'm going to invite you to look at a bigger picture. What I mean is having your uterus removed may be a symbol for a bigger issue. The hyst marks the close of a phase of our lives. We're no longer in our child-bearing years (whenever that is) and each of us have certain notions associated with that time.
For some women it means we're no longer young, although most of the post-hyst women I know look better and are more fun now than most teenagers.
For some women it means we're less sexy, although the phrase "anytime, anywhere" is more applicable to a post-hyst woman than anyone else.
For some women it means our value as a productive woman is lost, although as a post-hyst woman I finally have the time and energy to play with my grandchildren and think clearly all day, every day of the month.
For some women the hyst is concrete proof that something bad has happened to us - we're sick enough to need surgery in order to get a cure - and for women who have always been the glue that holds everything together the idea that we can get stricken, too, is a tough blow to take.
My uterus and I NEVER were best friends. I won't list all the gory details but from my first period to my last, my uterus has caused me untold agony. I was NOT sorry to see it go.
However, like you, I had moments of being highly aware that a door had closed. This is a normal reaction to dealing with a major life event. We have to put the moment into the larger context of our life. We need to mourn the loss that this moment brings and we need to spend time reshaping our image of what our future will be like. I got to the point where I could start to list all the wonderful things I could do after the surgery was over and I was recovered. I started to think things like, "oh, I can take up water skiing!" Well no, uterus or not, I'm NOT taking up water-skiing but the possibility exists!
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06-25-2003, 10:14 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 134
Hysterectomy: May 19th, 2003
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Uncontrollable tears
I love all of you women for helping express what I had been trying to describe. I was asymptomatic with my extensive endometriosis, so I never had a wish to be rid of my reproductive system. I enjoyed how having a normal period every month and the predictable changes in my body that took place throughout the month were a reminder that I was a young, healthy woman. I am 45, but when I look in the mirror I still see a 25 year old (am I deluding myself? Ha!) My point is, think about how many decisions you made every day that involved thinking about where you were in your cycle? I find myself getting on the scale to weight myself now, and I automatically ask myself "How much of this is fluid because I'm getting ready for my period?" Then I realize that is no longer a factor. Yes, it is a loss. Go ahead and grieve its loss. No, your uterus is not the center of womanhood, but it was a big part of it even at an unconscious level. Whenever I feel that sadness associated with the loss, I go burn this special candle I bought to commemorate the "death" of that part of me and that stage of my life. It helps, then I feel better. Hope this helps.
This web site rocks!
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06-25-2003, 10:31 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 49
Hysterectomy: June 30th, 2003
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Uncontrollable tears
Hepcat, what a great response!! Very uplifting. I haven't been experiencing those types of thoughts lately, but let me tell you when I first found out I did for sure. I even went to the extent of thinking there will just be a big, black, empty hole inside me literally and emotionally. There are soooo many thoughts and issues to deal with when having a surgery like this. Mine is Monday, so I can't say from experience, but to me the waiting is the hardest part. When I had my appendix removed, I shed no tears. When I had my tonsils removed, there were no tears. But our uterus is the very special place inside us that men don't have and it's the place we carried our babies. I, too, thought that if God gave it to me then he meant for me to have it. But God also provided us with doctors and their medical wisdom, and a way out for us from unnecessary pain and discomfort. It's okay to be sad, but after a little bit, try to focus on the new and improved woman you'll be!!
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06-25-2003, 10:40 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 17
Hysterectomy: July 22nd, 2003
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Thank you so much
Thank you to all have replied so far to my post. Just having shared my inner thoughts with you helped me feel better. I appreciate so much the wisdom that has been shared today. Yes, I do need to grieve, and only God knows what time frame that will take, but I also appreciate the thoughts that my uterus is NOT the center of my womanhood. Yes, God did give it to us for a miraculous purpose - procreation, but in a not-so-perfect-world, there is also the unexpected uterus taht needs to be removed. As I continue to process this, I will be taking all of your thoughts to heart. I have printed them all out so that I can digest each thought and suggestion until it reaches my emotional core. And yes, I do look forward to a "new me", one that hopefully will allow me to be a better, wife, mother and friend bc I will no longer be dreading the arrival of a painful period.
Thank you from the bottm of my heart!
Florrie
(aka emeralcity510)
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06-25-2003, 11:00 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 23
Hysterectomy: August 7th, 2003
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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A few words on the lighter side of things
I know many of you were "forced" somewhat by biological circumstances into having a hyst, and for those of you that are going through a rough time adjusting mentally to the fact that you are no longer capable of childbearing, I would like to say that my heart goes out to each of you. I have never wanted children (except for a two-week period when I was 18, but I got over it) so the upcoming surgery, to me, is welcome and a relief.
The reason for my post is so that I can share a few of the things I tell myself when I start worrying that I won't be a "whole" woman after the surgery. The first is something a friend of a friend said when she knew she was going to have surgery: "I try to look at the bright side - I'll be gaining another drawer in the bathroom!"
The second is a line from the movie Erin Brockovich, where Marge Hellgenberger asks Julia Roberts (as Erin) if not having breasts or a uterus makes her "less" of a woman. (She has lost her breast and will be losing her uterus to cancer.) Erin smiles as says "Hell no, it just means you don't have to worry about underwire and tampax anymore!"
While I know these sound a little flip, I just wanted to give you another perspective on the upcoming surgery. Try to look at the bright side of this as opposed to worrying about whether you'll be "less" of a woman and rejoice in the fact that you will no longer have to deal with the uncertainty, pain and aggrivation each month. And as for childbearing - don't forget there are plenty of children out there who would love to be able to call someone Mom, because they don't have anyone.
Good luck, and I hope a little levity has helped!
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