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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
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06-27-2003, 04:40 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 93
Hysterectomy: April 22nd, 2002
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
Gosh, just didn't know where to go or who to talk to but I'm exhausted, frustrated and ready to give up.
I had my total hyst in April 2002. When I returned to work I found out that the woman who reports to me tried to push me out of my job while I was recovering. I got past that, worked hard and was so productive, that my boss had no choice but to give me an oustanding year-end review in April 2003. (I couldn't believe how unsupportive my co-workers were when I returned to work.)
Next thing that happened at work after my return, was that an employee in another department threatened to "take me down," because I confronted him about trying to assign himself as project manager for the upgrade of my department's automated system. This guy thought his connections at the top of company gave him carte blanche to do whatever he wanted. The situation got so bad, I had to get legal advise on how to handle the situation, since my unsupportive bosses were again, unsupportinve in this situation as well.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to get healthy. I was switched from oral estradiol to the Viville Dot (0.5 mg every 3 days), plus I'm on human identical, transdermal testosterone 1 gram every 3 or 4 days. I'm cutting my carbs, working with a trainer once a week (it's a tough workout), trying to lose post surgical weight that just won't seem to come off no matter how hard I try. I'm not sleeping well. I'm tired and I just feel terrible about myself.
What the heck is going on and how could things be this bad. I am so depressed, I could just crawl into a hole and never come out. I frightened, really frightened.
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06-27-2003, 05:08 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 348
Hysterectomy: March 27th, 2002
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
cleop: First off It sounds like you have a hell of a time. Have you talked to your dr. about uping your patch? Since you are so active you could be blowing thru it faster than most of us. But most of all you really need to get rid of the stress or at least try to learn how to let it go for awhile. Im sure other ladies will help you out.
Good Luck
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06-27-2003, 06:41 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 1,258
Hysterectomy: May 14th, 2002
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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
dear cleop,
You are having to deal with a lot pretty soon after your surgery, I think! It will be hard to figure out whether what you're feeling is due to normal recovery (the fatigue in particular can last quite some time it seems), job stress, or hormonal issues.
In general, I guess I'd advise you to give this more time to see if things improve and not to worry about losing weight just now. Perhaps just concentrating on weathering this latest storm at work and increasing your fitness will be more than enough for now. Be patient with yourself.
Down the road, you might want to tinker with your hormones. Sometimes it's a matter of getting the right balance between, for instance, testosterone and estrogen. Not everyone needs testosterone replacement following surgery. And you might do better on a higher dose of patch. If the two aren't balanced, you can have symptoms of fatigue and depression, but it's just hard to know in your case, since you are dealing with other stresses as well.
Give yourself a break!
best wishes!
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06-27-2003, 06:56 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 4,768
Hysterectomy: May 29th, 2002
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
Hi cleop
It sounds to me like this is not an HRT issue, but more about the stress your are going through with your job situation.
It sounds like you are taking positive measures as far as your health and well-being, while you are having to deal with the job issues...which certainly attribute to your lack of sleep and feeling so down and out. You might want to consider checking out and posting in the Aching Hearts Forum for extra support.
Meanwhile, are you doing ok on your current Vivelle Dot and testosterone? Hotflashes, night sweats?? The lack of sleep can be attributed to low estrogen---but again, from what I read into your post is that your lack of sleep may be stress-related.
Sending you extra 's
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06-27-2003, 10:06 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 93
Hysterectomy: April 22nd, 2002
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Thanks for reaching out!!
Thanks for all of your kind words of support. It means more than I can say. It's so hard to deal with balancing hormones when over-the-top, work-related stressors are clouding the source of the problem. I believe my sleep concerns are based on a combination of what's happening on the job as well as my hormones struggling to find balance. I've actually had problems with sleep since my surgery last year.
The doc put me on sleeping pills for a short while. Those helped a lot but they were not something I wanted to take long term. As my recovery progressed, I switched to melatonin and L-theanin for sleep. Some nights were good -- most nights, however, were and still are restless nights. I find myself waking up at least 4 times a night. It happens like clockwork at 12:30 AM, about 2:45, 3:50, 4:30. By the time 4:30 rolls around I don't try to go back to sleep because I'm afraid I'll miss the alarm clock.
My nutritionist has added Passion Flower extract to my night time supplements (melatonin and L-theanin). And now I've also been put on Armour Thyroid as both my doctor and nutritionist feel I am showing signs of hypothyroidism.
It's a lot to deal with, a lot to accept, and so much I just don't understand, plus I am exhausted. I guess I'll just shut up now and try to get some sleep. Again, thanks to all of you for reaching out. You are saving my life tonight.
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06-28-2003, 08:56 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 9
Hysterectomy: February 19th, 2003
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don't give up!!!
hi chloe
i know how you feel i really do i had a hyst in feb of this yr and have wanted to give up many many times... i am going through everything from shakes , insomnia , depression , no libido, memory loss , u name it !!! i even had to quit my job from lack of sleep and fears!! i was afraid to even leave my own house but am getting better ... dr said its just getting the right hormone replacement for my body ... but don't give up and don't worry about lossing weight , or your job or other ppl the best advice i can give you is to just worry about YOU!!!!were in the same boat but we will get through this !!!
take care and god bless
Kelly
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06-28-2003, 11:07 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 33
Hysterectomy: April 17th, 2003
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Don't give up cleop! Autumn is right!!
To cleop and all.. depression, anxiety - even agoraphobia.. fear of leaving home (had that years ago- it DOES go away).. we are all in a learning mode- with or without hysterectomy. If you are brave enough to read my recent post in Hormone jungle (i think) about libido.. you can see cleop that we are all in this (life) together.. I really really hope your job stuff clears up.. good Lord!!! Now, if we can help each other out (I have a domestic issue) by at least offering encouragement, that would be a great start.. I think we all are here for you and each other and to some extent for ourselves! I feel like I really went off the subject with my post about my relationship, but you know, it is all in the same package.. our health, both mental and physical is so important and impacted by jobs, family, EVERYTHING..
here to listen.. betsey
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06-28-2003, 08:14 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 4
Hysterectomy: June 18th, 2003
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You need toslow down
dear cleop,
You are a woman after my own heart.
We do too much, push too much and unfortunately "expect" too much.
It's only been what "2 months" since your surgery and you have already gone back to work, started a diet, got a trainer and had to fight for your job....I'm exhausted just thinking about your day. I am a manager also and remember, your co-workers are not necessarily your friends. You may be friendly with them, but that does not mean they will be there for you when the chips are down...have you have seen. Keep up with your true friends, have a glass of wine, read a book and forget about those few extra pounds and those at work who want take over.
You should be “comforting” yourself right now, not beating yourself up. You sound great to me, just take it a bit easy...easy going confidence will infuriate your co-workers and you will have the last grin! Take care of YOU...don't worry about them.
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06-28-2003, 08:17 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 4
Hysterectomy: June 18th, 2003
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Oops
cleop...sorry..thought your surgery was 2003, not 2002.
So, your not being as hard on yourself as I originally thought. Have things gotten better at work? Hope so! Take care.
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06-29-2003, 07:57 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 1,258
Hysterectomy: May 14th, 2002
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HELP I'm so down - Ready to give up!!
Dear cleop,
I too didn't realize your surgery was over a year ago! Sorry, I misread your post.
I guess then I think you should look at all this more closely. It seems you have separate things going on: work issues, which are very stressful, and perhaps it'd be good for you to talk to someone neutral--a counselor?--about those; hormone issues (track your symptoms and talk to your doctor); and weight loss problems.
The weight loss can be challenging and unless you're obese, I might suggest you try not to worry about that right now. I would love to lose about 15 lbs and am having a very hard time, despite the fact that I now exercise much more than I have in many years and I'm eating better. I know how you feel.
good luck, and sorry for misinterpreting the date of your surgery!
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