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8th Chemo done!! 8th Chemo done!!

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  #1  
Unread 06-29-2003, 11:03 AM
8th Chemo done!!

But it has left me a bit depressed. Usually this would be the last one for most of the people, but I still have plenty to go.

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! I want to be celebrating that I'm done, but I can't. I keep thinking, is it worth all of this, I mean, how many must I go through.

This one was pretty rough. I threw up all day Thursday, I think it was that darn patch. I took it off and voila, no more throwing up.

then it was the body aches and not being able to concentrate and not able to sleep properly. Well, you guys know the drill, it's just rough, and I keep thinking, how many more. Is it really worth it.

I'm just feeling down, I know it IS worth it, but when will it end. My hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes started growing back, but my nurse told me not to get used to it, they too will fall again. I guess, I'm going to be wearing hats for years to come. (at least that is what it feels like) It seems that every chemo, is just chipping more and more of my life away.

Sorry, about my rambling, I'm just tired, and tired of being tired. If you know what I mean.

I know that this too will pass. Thanks for letting me vent, my BF just doesn't understand the way you guys do...

Thanks, and 's & ers to everyone!!
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  #2  
Unread 06-29-2003, 11:42 AM
Oh Tammy

While no two people are identical and your situation is harder than mine--I know how you feel emotionally and physically. It's HARD. It's not fair that you have to go on and on and on with new stuff and that you're miserable. It WILL finish eventually with everything being no evidence of disesae--in the meantime, just vent on to your Hyster Sisters. We've been there and know. It's rotten, it stinks--but it'll kill of those blasted cancer cells for good this time. If you think you're sick--think how they must feel! Ellen
  #3  
Unread 06-29-2003, 01:14 PM
8th Chemo done!!

You are allowed to feel down sometimes. That is what this board if for. To you when you are down. You are a good fighter. You will win against those nasty cancer cells.

Write anytime you need to vent. We are listening.

's

Ruth S
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  #4  
Unread 06-29-2003, 01:41 PM
8th Chemo done!!

Hi Tammy...

You made it through 8 chemo treatments!! Be proud of yourself. This is not an easy thing to do and we all know it.

Complain all you want, we understand....but as you do, just think of all those cancer cells being zapped away.

Do you know how many more treatments you will need???

When I finished my 6th and last treatment, I actually went into a state of panic.. sounds silly but I did. I felt that now I was on my own, no more help in killing those things. I felt like an army of
one!!

Hopefully you will be feeling better tomorrow and having good thoughts..

Rosalie
  #5  
Unread 06-29-2003, 04:07 PM
8th Chemo done!!

Tammy, I can sure understand you being depressed. You are having such a hard fight, but hang in there. You have come so far and will win this fight.
  #6  
Unread 06-29-2003, 04:10 PM
8th Chemo done!!

Congratulations, Tammy, on getting to #8. One more notch on the old post, eh? Well, you might not be done but you sure are moving in the right direction and standing up to every last one of those cancer cells!! And the chemo's going to do it. You keep going, girl!
  #7  
Unread 06-29-2003, 04:32 PM
8th Chemo done!!

Big s Tammy

I don't blame you for being a bit down. Your battle has been particularly difficult. But your immense strength always finds a way to keep you appreciating all the little things in life as you fight this disease. My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
You are definitely one of my heroes on CC!!!!
Hopefully after a few more of this chemo, some good news will come your way.

s karenann
  #8  
Unread 06-29-2003, 05:18 PM
Tammy, you GO GIRL!!!

You are doing an amazing job. I know it seems horrible and impossible, but look at what you are doing!!! I am humbled by you and what you are going through, and your strength. To even be ABLE TO TYPE is amazing enough to me. Even to have clear thoughts, though they may be crappy, they are clear thoughts!!! It wouldn't be right if you didn't feel that way! But you are KILLING CANCER! Just think about that! I never was a violent person before, but now all it think is GOODBYE UGLY CANCER CELLS!! and kill, kill, kill!!!

hang in there. hugs and more hugs and more hugs!
  #9  
Unread 06-30-2003, 05:52 AM
Tammy we love you

I want to say I know how you feel, but I cant really. You really helped me out of a slump this last week or so. I still dont know what my plan of attack is yet, But I know anything that my doctor decides is dooable by listening to you and Debbie. Well, Best of luck and take care.

God Bless and HUGE 's
  #10  
Unread 06-30-2003, 09:16 PM
Thanks...

for all of your kind words. I'm still not "over" my depression, but I'm not as bad as I was earlier.

I guess, everything is just getting to me. I just had a meeting with the VP or HR and my boss, about my options at work. Although it went really well, it got me thinking about my future, which didn't look so good, then with the 8th treatment which should be the end, but seems like the beginning somehow.

The good news, is one of my options, is just working from home, instead of working from work and only working from home on the days I'm not feeling well. They told me, they would go with me working from home, as long as I go in once every other week to check in and have a team meeting with the team I'm in.

While, that sounds like a Godsend, my daughter starts kindergarten this fall, and that will allieviate after school care, I can't help but also think, am I deterioating, sorry can't spell right now.

I feel like I'm loosing grasp on my life somehow. I know that is not it, and it's just work looking into my best interest. And I am very grateful, that I even have this option. Especially, since I'm only working 4 hours a day, but getting paid for 8. The benefits at my job are awesome, especially their medical leave.

I know I should be happy, but I can't help but being a little sad. Today was especially hard for me. I had to go and by adult diapers, cause I'm now loosing bladder control. At first it was only at night, but now, it's every time I sneeze, and right now, I have a cold. Since the cancer is between my rectum and bladder, it was bound to happen, but I just wish it didn't.

Anyway, thanks again for letting me vent. This message really was intended to thank everyone for their kind words, I really didn't expect or intend to start another depression thread. I guess I'm not really "over" it afterall.....

Anyway, 's and ers to everyone!!
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