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So disappointed! So disappointed!

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Unread 07-09-2003, 10:10 AM
So disappointed!

I had not checked on my vacation and sick leave yet but my supervisor did yesterday. With the two combined I only have 3 weeks which means I have to take leave without pay. Unfortunately I don't think we can afford for me to take 3 weeks of leave without pay so that means I will somehow have to go back to work after 4 weeks. My husband is a pastor so my income makes up about 2/3 of our total income. I don't want to complain to hubby about it because I know it's hard for him that I have to work anyhow. He wishes I could stay home if I chose to do so and knowing I won't be able to take the full 6 weeks is hard for him.

Just needed to vent. I feel so sad and depressed today, not just about the sick time. I think it's all just starting to get to me. Our first year of marriage (we got married 4/20/02) has been filled with surgeries, me being in pain, not even feeling like being intimate most of the time anymore, and me always feeling tired and worn out. We also lost one of our dogs (mine) while we were on our honeymoon due to stupid, careless people. He was shot. I had had him for 6 1/2 years. And as much as I am thankful that I have a job with the way the economy is going, I hate where I am at and I wish I could find something else. However, there is really nothing out there right now and with all my health problems I couldn't handle a new job anyhow. All this is making me sad today. I feel like crying but need to keep it together while I am here at work.

Thanks for reading.

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Unread 07-09-2003, 10:20 AM
So disappointed!


Does your company have a policy where people can donate sick leave to you or you can get advance sick leave? Our company has that policy and has been a godsend for a number of people I work with.

I wish you all the best and I'm sure everything will all work out for you.

Unread 07-09-2003, 10:26 AM
So disappointed!

My heart goes out to you ... Sounds like you have been through alot in this past year or so but it sounds like you have a wonderful husband, you need to find strength in each other during this time. He can help you get through all of this . My husband and I have been through so much ourselves in recent years too. I can understand your ecomonic hardships but you really need to consider your health and maybe look for help to outside sources on a temporary basis. Is that possible? Friends, family, church, social services? I know you have alot going on right now and things look down but somehow they seem to work out with the grace of god. Hang in there and be strong and if you need us we are here for you (your hystersisters and friends) for support and strength to get through this .. For now here is a hystersister and my best wishes for things to go well for you.
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Unread 07-09-2003, 10:56 AM
short term disability insurance

Does your company have short term disability? I had the same problem as you but I talk to HR yesterday and I can take 6 week short term disability at a 60% pay rate and then supplement that with 40% of my sick/vacation time. I like you could not afford to go without the pay and was a nervous wreck until yesterday. Check and see if they have that option for you.
Unread 07-09-2003, 11:04 AM
Thank you!

I appreciate all you replies. It's just nice to know women out there understand and care. I feel bad in general because we just spent about $1000 on a nutritionist to see if we can take care of this nutrionally. I am still paying off a hospital bill from the lap last year and now we are going to have more hospital bills. It just seems like most of our money is being spent on me. I know if it was the other way around I would not care, and neither does my husband, but today I feel really bad about it.

Anyway, we cannot donate sick leave. Last year our network administrator's 3-year old little girls was diagnosed with leukemia. They have another 6 months old baby and all of them lived in the hospital with Morgan for about a month. Several of us wanted to donate sick time but were not allowed ot.

But I will check on the short term disability and see what they say.

Thanks for suggesting it.

Unread 07-09-2003, 11:58 AM
So disappointed!

Hi Kristina,

Hang in there. I already used my vacation time BEFORE I knew about my surgery - thus I am taking 6-8 weeks WITHOUT pay as well. DH was pretty concerned until we really sat back and looked at our budget (not to mention we just bought some new "toys" with monthly payments...oh well, ya only live once.) Also, I am flying back and forth between FL and NY for my surgery (flights, rentals cars, etc). When there is a will, there is a way.

Remember - Hospital & Doctor bills are the bottom of the totem pole as far as payment. Even if you only give them $5/month - they legally cannot send you to collections. Have done this LOTS of times! Also - interest free!

If you have credit cards, start playing the interest switching game. DH and I went from 12.99% down to 6.99% then our card we switched from wanted our business back and if we transferred it back they gave us 3.99%. Today I got deal in the mail that if I switch over my balance it will be 1.99% for the life of the balance. We are saving a lot of money just on interest.

Student loans - don't know if ya got 'em, but mine come to about $350/month. I am just temporarily having them deferred - need a medical note.

Also, since your DH is a pastor, you have your church family that WILL help out a lot (especially with meals). Perhaps your DH's church has an "emergency" fund you may borrow from with a low interest rate?

Don't worry - you will be fine. It just means buying generic ice cream instead of real Hagendaas for awhile.

Take care of YOU and don't worry.
Unread 07-09-2003, 12:30 PM
So disappointed!

Sweetie, I really understand what you are going through. My husband is full time in the ministry (Sr. Pastor). I have exhausted 90% of my leave (going back & forth to the Dr. What is left of my leave time will be used to keep my health insurance in place. My employer will continue to pay their part but I must contribute my portion. So that leaves me with 6 weeks of no pay.
DH was really stressed about it for a while but realized that I needed the surgery and the recovery time (I even offered to postpone it). We will be on a very tight budget during those 6 weeks. To make things worse, All the school shopping will have to come out of his income. Then yesterday we were looking at the calendar and realized that DH is getting paid 3 times in August so that extra check is litterally making up for my lost income. I only bring home $1,000.00 a month after taxes & deductions. That will help. I return to work on September 2 so it is not going to be as bad as we thought.

I will keep you in my prayers. I really hope that you will beable to have the entire 6 weeks off. Keep us posted.

Unread 07-09-2003, 10:14 PM
So disappointed!

You know that we need to rely on God and our friends in time of need.
Seek out God's will through prayer.
A thought or idea;
This will be a test of humbleness. Would you ask one of your church friends to take up a love offering for your surgery?

We tend to forget that if we don't put our needs out to our friends then we could be robbing them of a blessing to help.

I wasn't going to tell anyone at church about my upcoming surgery. I wasn't even going to put a prayer request in just for privacy reasons. When some of my friends found out they couldn't believe that I would hold this back.

I tend to be the kind of person who is independent and think I can get by on my own. But God is in control.
The Lord's humbleness through my devotions one day reminded me that I need not hold back asking for help.

And remember there are people who are willing.
Remember this: We all have special gifts from God. I once told someone this: "Don't rob someone of a blessing". Well now that friend is telling me the same thing.
Read Romans 12:6 -8
Enough preaching on my part.

Good luck and God bless on your surgery/recovery time.
Keep us informed.
Unread 07-10-2003, 12:36 AM
So disappointed!

Check with your HR department about Short/long term disability. I am very fortunate to have a company sponsored program that will continue my salary.. 100% for 3 weeks and 75% for up to 3 months.

Also, don't be embarrassed to call your local health and human services organization. Most states have emergency assistance funds. Or at the minimum will give you temporary food stamps. I have had to get them once. And there are tons of community resources they can tell you about as well.

The credit card idea is good as well... not to mention that sometimes if you call the people who you have your car loan with they can defer a payment or 2 to the end of the loan. Student loans can also be defered. ( I think i'll be paying off mine until 2020.) And I have defered my mortgage for a month as well.

While you're in your HR department, ask them about taking Voluntary time off with pay... it's a program my company has where you take time off.. they pay your for it.. and you pay it back at an agreed upon rate.. in our policy it's 8 hours a week. Or ask about possibly taking a payroll advance and paying it back week by week

and remember one final thing.. "ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you for everyone who asks receives and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8

Hope I've helped a little. God Bless and Keep the faith.
Unread 07-10-2003, 05:44 AM
Thank you all so very much

I am feeling better today and know that we will somehow make it. I did check with HR yesterday about the short-term disability, but they have not gotten back to me yet.

There is one thing I should explain about our church. We only started it last year in September and it is more of a church planting movement rather than a regular church. My husband and I have a real heart for the 'lost' crowd - people with tatooes, piercings and blue hair for example, or people in recovery. The type of people that are not easily accepted in the traditional church. Right now we have 5 to 6 leaders (pastors) that come to our 'church' on Wednesday evenings. Then they go out and have their own groups (or churches) and from those we hope more leaders will emerge creating more groups. Our leaders are not in a position to help financially and neither are their groups. They are mostly younger, some are still in school, or they are not doing well financially for other reasons. So asking them to help financially is out of the question, but that is ok. I have a totally different outlook on things today.

Yesterday was just a bad day which led to me having a little selfpity-party. The last year has been hard, I have been struggling with endo for 8 years leading up to this year, and it just all got to me. I am sure my whacky hormones contributed, too.

Today my period has also stopped and the horrible cramps are gone. That's a blessing in itself.

Again, thank you for all your encouragement and input. If worse comes to worse, I can ask my Mom to help out. That will be a humbling experience, too.


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