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i think i changed my mind.. yet again.. i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

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  #1  
Unread 07-12-2003, 04:56 PM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

I apologize if I'm becoming a pain.. and whining.. I'm just living in a state of hormonal psycosis and confusion..

For 2 days now I've been living pain-free.. ( other than the headache i got from the eye doctor) I have absolutly no idea why.. I have done nothing differnt.. the only thing I feel is the heaviness.. so now i'm wondering if the pain is all in my head and I truly don't need a Hyst and I should just shut up, quit my crankin.. and deal with it..

I suggested this to my DH and he gave me "the look" .. (I am sure every one of you out there know "the look".. ) and I reckon he's getting rather tired of me changing my mind every 30 seconds.. he said I was going if only to give him some peace.. ) I'm just scared there's nothing really wrong with me and I'm freakin out over nothing.... and he fears there is something really wrong with me and waiting tooo long to do anything about this.. I've got 30 days until my trip to see the King.. I wish my body would give me some sort of sign what I'm doing is for the better.. maybe I feel less pain today than other days so I just THINK I don't have any and it's just pressure..

I have went from convincing myself in another thread that I am doing this for a better QOL to almost convincing myself there's nothing wrong.. am I in denial.. ? maybe I'm experiencing the stages of grief and mourning? What are they.. disbeileif, denial, anger, sadness and acceptance? I can't wait until I get to the anger part of it.. ( kidding )

or maybe I'm just a mess and I should go back to bed.
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  #2  
Unread 07-12-2003, 05:12 PM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

Been there, done that. It's totally your decision though. It depends on which life you want. Maybe, you need to go through one more period to know for sure?
I was ready to leave the hospital right before surgery, the only thing that kept me there is what my possible future might be. I had some minor complications post-op but once I recovered, I've never felt better.
It's a risk, you have to decide whether to take it or whether you can live like you do now.
Take care and good luck
Tam (my name is Tammy Lynn, also)
  #3  
Unread 07-12-2003, 05:57 PM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

Hi Tammy

You are certainly not alone. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster re changing my mind. After having spent 38 days constantly bleeding with pain & clots + drastic lowering of Hb to 5.5, at the moment I realise that the hyst is the best thing.

Give me another couple of weeks however, and I'm sure that things will be different.

Oh the joys of being a woman!

I've just looked at the 'smilies' and found some apt ones for our current state:

(dance)- something we will be able to do wearing white trousers in the future

(fart) - something we will be able to do without fear of flooding!!

(cry) - something we will be able to do with reason and get sympathy


Sending you lots of

Fiona
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  #4  
Unread 07-12-2003, 06:19 PM
I think I've changed my mind

Hi Tammy

Well, you know? Iam also all of the above. I feel like you do some of the time. I am just mostly scared at this point. As far as your decision....talk with your Doctor again. Listen to what he says. My Doctor looked at me after he had just said "you need surgery" and he said "this is your decision, you could live like this". I looked and him and said, I'D RATHER NOT!! I have also thought of backing out and I'm sure I could live like this. I have no pain. Just pressure because everything is prolapsed, and I mean everything. Bladder included. So, like I said, talk with your doctor again. Tell him how you are feeling and the apprehension you have. Then, maybe the decision will be easier for you. Your surgery date is still a ways off. You have some time to think of what you want to really do. You are the only one that can make that decision. Good luck.
  #5  
Unread 07-12-2003, 07:59 PM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

Count me as unsure prior too! I'm sure that my mother was sick to death of me asking "Should I really do this, I mean, for pity's sake, I can't take it back after it's done!" "Am I doing this because of the inconvience of periods?" "I'm just a wimp" I could go on and on and I'm afraid I did! Now, I'm 5 weeks post and I know I made the right decision for me. The only thing that I knew pre-op is that I bled weekly and cramped continually, I felt weak and exhausted most of the time. I wasn't anemic (yet), the D&C confirmed that the uterine wall was thick and there had been fibroids in the lining which also was thick. No sign of cancer or other serious problems. So why? Well, prior to the D&C, I had been bleeding every 2 weeks and it helped for one month then I started flowing every week! Provera didn't even stop it. I got a second opinion. He tried hormones to no avail. After two months of trying, he said "Baby, I really think you should have the surgery, we've exhausted every opition that I know other than multiple D&C's and I really don't think it's necessary to torture you like that." So, I followed the advice. After surgery, it was found that there were "numerous small fibriods with in the uterine wall" and I was told that the amount of fibroids were the cause of the problems. I feel stronger already. I know I did what was right for me and can rest easily knowing that I had exhausted all my options other than "torture" We all have to do what we must to rationalize our choices in all our endeavers. I'm just glad that I didn't rationalize to the point of putting my health in danger.
  #6  
Unread 07-13-2003, 08:51 AM
Thank you all

for your support.. my DH thinks this should be a cut and dry decision.. and for the most part it is.. and late last night made it clear that my decision is the right one.. it seems that my body is doing new and not so exciting things.. My DH and I were.. ah.. well.. making love.. and it really hurt more than usual.. ( it always hurts.. I tend to not tell the DH so he won't try to stop being intimate because he doesn't want to hurt me) when I went to the bathroom afterwards I was covered in blood.. and its not my period.. even at my worst months I have at least 2 weeks between.. and I finished the last cycle a week ago.. so.. so much for sex for me for awhile.. needless to say DH was kind of irratated at me for not telling him to stop and he feels responsible for hurting me.. and it's not his fault.. it's just i have a screwed up system... or as my BIL tells me.. my "plumbing" is broke.

My 14 yo DS came home from his church last night.. and told me they had a special prayer circle just for me.. and that the ladies in the church were planning on coming over and helping DH take care of me and the house afterwards.. Not sure how I felt about that.. happy and fearfull at the same time.. and angry.. not at him or them.. but at my body for making me put my family, friends, and people I don't' even know through this..
  #7  
Unread 07-13-2003, 09:12 AM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

Well, it sounds like your body is deciding for you. You have a whole new life ahead of you. We will keep you in our prayers, also.
Tam
  #8  
Unread 07-13-2003, 10:56 AM
Some things just are

This is a helpful thought from my DH when I overanalyze. Sometimes we need to just accept what is and not try to figure out how it could be or could have been different.

Some things just are.

I panicked before my surgery as I was feeling good. My DH looked at me and firmly, clearly, reminded me of how it had been. I had the surgery and we are all (including my kids whose happy Mom is back) very glad I did.

All the best to you!
  #9  
Unread 07-14-2003, 11:34 AM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

well, I'm glad that I'm not the only one who panics on her "good days". My husband thinks I mentally feel better about this whole mess on my bad days. I just hope I have a few more of those to remind me why I'm doing this. ( sad huh.. )

I think my kids and my dh will be glad to have me back instead of this wicked woman they've been living with.. God bless.


side note to Jertam... Glad to meet another Tammy Lynn.. We are pretty special aren't we..
  #10  
Unread 07-14-2003, 11:56 AM
i think i changed my mind.. yet again..

Don't be surprised to change your mind closer to surgery, also. Like I wrote before, I had doubts right before they knocked me out. I'm glad I went through with it but it was rough for a couple of weeks afterwards. Now, I don't have to schedule my life around my periods. It's freedom in a way.
Although, some people act kind of weird when they hear about it. It's been a couple of years now, so it doesn't come up as often.
Good luck name sister.
Tam
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