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Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...? Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

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Unread 07-23-2003, 06:08 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

I have a relative...she is a good person and means me no harm, BUT She had a TAH 3 or 4 years ago and she also has fibromyalgia. I had a TVH and all my health problems were directly related to those I don't have any lingering health issues like she does (Thank God)

I had been in debilatating pain for months prior to my surgery, I couldn't work or do anything. I was on narcotics for the pain. She was always very short with me, like I didn't have pain like HERS...she always left me with the impression that she believed I was exaggerating it.

Now after the surgery (July 15th), since mine was easier than hers, she is still pushing me. Like she thinks I should be up cleaning and cooking and especially getting back to work already because I don't have to deal with an incision. I told her I don't really hurt, but I get very tired, very easily. She said, "well that's because all you do is sit around all day. When the doctors tells us not to do anything for so long, how else would we feel but constantly tired."She also said, "I don't see how surgery could make you tired anyway...that has nothing to do with it"

It's not that I take her opinion as gospel, but when you're a captive audience, it's just a very discouraging and negative thing to hear. It's as though no one, especially me, could possibly have as much pain and problems as she has.

I guess I am just feeling a lot of cabin fever and feeling a bit lonely too. Everyone around me has gotten on with their normal busy lives and here I sit.
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Unread 07-23-2003, 06:13 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

You just do what your Dr. told you to. Your relative may need to be told that your Drs. orders are ____ and that if she thinks she is more qualified than your MD then she should call and discuss it with him.
Ok, I know I would be nicer than that but surgery makes you tired for a number of reasons. Blood loss, anesthesia, anxiety, pain all by itself can wear you out. So mind your Dr. and lovingly tell her to bug off.
Unread 07-23-2003, 06:34 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

Hmmm. I am sorry, but I feel really quite mad at your relative...

Ah! I feel better now!! How could she possibly know how you are feeling, and how your body is made? Only you and your doctor know that! I think you have to listen to yourself and you doctor. I do know a little of what you are talking about though. I am one week pre-op, and already I am getting pressurized by work as to when I will be back and what projects they want me to take on. I think you just have to smile sweetly and defer to the experts who know you still need time.
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Unread 07-23-2003, 06:48 PM
I am so sorry

I understand your pain ............Been there done that..............But when truth come down to it do what your doctor tells takes time for your body to get over a hysterectomy..........I had mine 6-3-03 and I went to the doctor today and she told me it takes 6 to 12 months for your body to heal all the way......... take it slow and dont listen to anyone but your doctor and take it easy and get all the rest you need.........Good Luck .......Cheryl
Unread 07-23-2003, 06:59 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

Thump -

I would certainly say something like, "You know, that's why my eyes are brown and yours are blue! We are all made so differently, aren't we? Did you hear that story on the news about...."

Get it? Change the subject, then change it again if she brings it up. Stop talking about it with her, and don't let her drag you into the conversation about it! And don't you worry one little bit about being tired! I am one day ahead of you with my surgery, and I AM TIRED. I am likely doing more than most gals, but that's just the way I am. I may sit up at the computer a little longer, or make a meal, I've hand washed some dishes, only the light weight ones, no pans, and plopped them on top of a dish towel to drip dry. I'm not vacuuming, but I do get up and down a lot. I go from the kitchen to the living room, to the deck and lay my big buns out on the chairs and watch the kids swim and the boats floating around or fishing. (I live on a lake and have an awesome up front view ) I do bend over or squat long enough to leash my little 3 lb yorkie or my 8 1/2 lb shih-tzu poodle mix for a very short walk into the yard for potty. I throw a napkin on the floor when I waited too long to take my little one out and she piddles. I've dusted a couple of things, and then called my 16 year old's girlfriend to come over and wash the rest of the dishes! I've done my hair, had my son take me to the salon to have my hair foiled yesterday - it felt good, I was sitting the whole time and got a head massage at the same time!

My point is, it's not like you aren't doing anything. Showering takes me longer than usual. I know it does for you, too! Don't let anyone say you aren't doing anything! If I'm tired, I sleep during the day, and I turn off the phones. My doggies curl up with me, and it actually feels like a little piece of heaven. I've worked every stinking day, doing accounting of one sort or another, for the last 22 years, with a few vacations here or there. My last two vacations were to Cali for the death of my grandparents, three months apart from each other. I've nursed my green winged macaw, my african grey parrot, my saltwater fish, my son with his teenage ups and downs (thank goodness they are minimal) my DH's dinners, problems with work, blah, blay, blah. If I'm not doing anything right now, and someone thinks they don't like it, well that's just TOO **** BAD!!! I DESERVE THIS! I OWE IT TO MYSELF! This is MY time to watch what I want when I want, to eat what I want, when I want, to sleep, shower, drink, and fart when I please!!! If they are so jealous that they need to be speaking that way then that is THEIR problem. Sometimes I come to the point of just flat out not caring what others think of me. If I'm true to myself and my loved ones, then that's all I can do.

Ummm, was that all a little dramatic sounding?? Ya think losing the ovaries is giving me an attitude???

Hang in there!!!!


Unread 07-23-2003, 07:31 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

Thanks all. I just needed to vent. It's nice to hear from you and just validate what I know to be true...I am what I am and I'll do what I want when I want to and more specifically when my Dr says it's okay. My pain is my own and my recovery is my own. And anyone with sense knows that it takes energy from your body to heal up from something like this, no matter how it was done.

And to keep this in perspective...this is the same relative who, after I hit a deer at 60 mph and totaled my van, said, "I don't see how just hitting a deer could make your back sore."

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! Hopeless! I think she might have "issues".
Unread 07-23-2003, 07:47 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

i am so sorry for you. i know exactly how you feel . i mean my mother in law stayed with me a few days after my surgery(she wouldn't leave and i didn't feel like trying to get her to). she kept telling me that (5 days postop) that i should be getting up more an moving around. so finally i got up and walked around the house. she said lets walk out in the yard some fresh air will do you good. i was thinking oh good grief!! i went outside...mind you it was 95 degrees. i walked around out there then started sweating terribly got sick to my stomach and felt light headed. i barely made it back to the bed and as i was sitting down everything went black!! she said i was only out for a few seconds but when i came to i was sure mad!! i told her i didn't feel like getting up and my dr said to only do what i felt like doing. she backed off after that!!

i agree with the other post......loveingly tell her to buzz off

Unread 07-23-2003, 08:49 PM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

Were all here with ya........Don't do any thing you don't feel like doing.My boss can't understand why I cant come back to work next week I'm 9 days post-op from a tvh/bso she told me her friend and mom had the same thing done and both were back to work after 2 weeks .They also both had desk jobs I work at a pre school in the infant room I can't imagine me after 2 weeks going in and sitting on the floor bending and squating down to pick up a 30 pound child. I'm so glad my doctor told me to take it easy for 6 weeks that I need to heal. So just make sure you take it easy.

Unread 07-24-2003, 02:45 AM
Does anyone else have a well meaning relative...?

Boy, do I understand you gals on this one! I have to laugh because my Mother has Fibro and she INSISTS that I have it too! So I have to listen to all of her aches and pains and then have her tell me that I surely have it too and so I should be whiny and blame everything on feeling ill. That is just so not me. Even some of my closest friends don't know the hell I have been through with my periods, so they were surprised at the hyst.

I just feel that life is way too short to spend it whining. Even with chronic pain I tried to get out and do things when I could.

I agree with lisajammi, change the subject. Remind her that just because you don't have a scar, you still have over 100 stitches inside holding you together! I just read that another hyster sister had sex too early and ended up with loops of her bowel coming out of her vagina. You could always tell your friend that story. That should help her change the subject, too!

Everyone heals at different rates. Listen to your body and know that you have a lot of hyster sisters backing you up!

Take Care
Unread 07-24-2003, 08:58 AM
Hope she doesn't live with you!

All the previous posts are good advise! Does she live with you or just comes to visit? If I was in your shoes, I'd tell her to go home and that I'd call her when I was up to having her company - but then again, all my relatives live very far away.

My mom did have a hyst 25 years ago and has been so sweet on the phone! Even now, at 9 weeks post-op, she always asks how I'm doing. She reminded me over the past 2 months to take it easy and follow my docs orders.

The only other person I know personally who has been through this is a lady I worked with. She had a TVH 2 years ago. the last time I saw her before I moved, she said to remember that the healing takes a good year and just to take it one day at a time and don't get down if I'm not where I think I should be in the process.

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