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"Desert" is sure the right word "Desert" is sure the right word

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Unread 10-13-2003, 02:21 PM
"Desert" is sure the right word

Three things happened within three months in 1991. I turned fifty, my husband dumped me, and the fibroids suddenly became so large I had to have it all taken out. It was grief, grief and more grief. I took Premarin for two years, but intercourse still hurt now, not at the time, but the next day. I stopped taking it both because I smoke, but more because I became increasingly uneasy about some of the possible side effects. For years at Bellsouth I worked physically hard, had a very small, well-toned body with a little waist and flat tummy. I stayed that way even without hormones. I retired at fifty-five, stayed small and then suddenly when I turned fifty-eight I started gaining weight. The first ten pounds didn't show because I guess it was inside my stomach area. Within another year, I had gained ten more, and now I have a belly, not too bad really, but still, a lot more than I had. Of course I am not nearly as active as I was, but even tho I have gained a size (can't believe that's all) I can no longer wear my shirts in, especially with a belt. I stopped having hot flashes a few years ago, but I must have a higher body temprature now. I used to get cold when I was falling asleep, now I get hot. In a closed room with no moving air I get I guess a hot flash. Outside, in the south Florida heat, I don't have them. I seem to feel the sun more intently, hurtfully even, and it also seems to hurt my eyes now too. I'm sure a lot of this is simply from aging, something I thought I'd never do... There is not much sexual urge now for six or seven years, even when on hormones, even with testosterone, but then again, maybe that's because most men either look too old, fat, or stupid now. I have dreams, so there must still be something there, but most of my desires now are for companionship and emotional love, someone in my corner so to speak. My sister found something on the net explaining that the loss of estrogen causes the loss of some kind of hormone that promotes the anticipation of sexual activity; that once a woman get going in lovemaking, she is fine, but the anticipation is what wans. There is a certain kind of freedom in living life without that need. I don't think I ever knew how much more colorful life in general was with a healthey sexual drive. I am somewhat bored, and don't have the energy or enthusiasim I had even a few years ago, but then again, that could be simply the beginnings of old age, ore mild depression or something. But, there is a lot less stress now, and no more agonizing over a broken heart. I live to please myself and my family, come and go at will, don't have to make dinner or wash anyone elses dirty socks, and spend my money any way I want to, at least what's left after mortgage and bills. Be glad to share any info on any of this. And ladies, there is still life after Hyster, with or without hormones, with or without a partner.
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Unread 10-13-2003, 08:43 PM
"Desert" is sure the right word

Hi Charlotte,

As I read your post, I wondered if you've discussed any of your symptoms with your doctor (things like lack of enthusiasm, energy, weight gain, etc.)? It sounds like you did pretty well for several years after your hyst, even after you stopped taking hormones. So, could your symptoms be caused by something unrelated to lack of hormones? I'm just guessing, but think this might be worth discussing with your doctor.

I'm a little younger than you (I'm 48) and just had my hyst - TAH/BSO about 2 years ago. I was starting to put on a few extra pounds too but began lifting weights about 5 months ago, plus I really try to watch my carbohydrate intake. This seems to be working. Pants that were too tight now fit again and I've lost a few pounds over the summer.

Do you get any type of regular exercise? Have you had a bone scan done to check your bone density? Even walking helps prevent bone loss - and it might also improve your energy, enthusiasm and libido. It's funny how you have to spend energy to have energy.

It sounds like you are happy with many aspects of your life - I hope that you can get some answers and suggestions that will help put the ZEST back into your life now too!

Unread 10-14-2003, 08:16 AM
Hi Beth

In my fourties and the first half of my fifties, I had never felt better or looked better. Except for the female problems that plagued me, I loved life, and everything about it. I think it's possible that I am somewhat depressed about watching myself finally getting old, as I'm sixty-two now, and yet I know that there are many women who would love to look like me at my age. Still, as my mother used to say, the more you have, the harder it is to see it go. You are probably right in that there is more to my waning of sexual desire than meets the eye. I also think it's a mindset I have developed. I simply don't feel desireable anymore, but I don't want to shake the boat as I have found peace and stability in my life finally. I have been alone now for twelve years, and have come to like it in many ways. I have had no relationship for seven years, and shy away from any now. An occasional man will tweak my attention, and tho it feel good, I outwardly never show my interest. The price would be too high for another failure, and I am emotionally unequipped to deal with that anymore. My mother, God rest her soul, also said that growing old with the same man, especially if you love him, makes you always see the man he used to be when you look at him. Meeting a new man, all you see is how old he looks. And it's true. All I see is pot bellies, flabby skin, sagging faces, all the while he thinks he is good looking and doing an aging woman a favor by paying attention to her. LOL. I still look at men in their fourties, and who do I think I am. Enjoy your age, because I surely did, but try to find real love now before they all look too old for you, if you haven't already. (:
I really am ok with my life, and I have begun to take Zoloft recently which dosen't seem to change things any, so I guess I'm past the point of no return. Thanks for the letter.

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