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How to tell people about my surgery??? How to tell people about my surgery???

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  #1  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:16 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

HI Sisters...

I'm having a weird moment. I need to tell my childrens' school, my work, and others that I am having my surgery.

Has anyone else experienced the weirdness of "What do I say?"

I feel awkward telling virtual strangers that I am having a hysterectomy, but they always wonder (and ask!) what it (which surgery) is when I say I will be gone for three to four weeks.

Most men I've told get really strange, and look VERY uncomfortable...my DH won't even say the word...he says I'm getting my "insides" taken care of.

Women start telling me their horror stories about every gyno problem they have ever heard of, or try to argue that a TVH isn't necessary.

This is probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but any suggestions from more experienced Ladies-in-Waiting???
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  #2  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:22 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

Hi starwoman

I have just talked to everyone who will listen. The guys (I only work with guys) at work have been interested and supportive. but that is me, I like to talk and am open just about anything. I also decided that I have nothing to ashamed about in having this surgery. Some people have been quite interested.

If anyone has been a bit strange about things I have just "secret women's business" and left it at that.

I think it is up to you how you handle everyone's enquiry, either or.

's from a a fellow
  #3  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:35 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

I work with all men & I went to my boss & explained that I needed surgery and I would be out for 4 wks. I made sure to tell him that it wasn't cancer (runs in the family) but it was a "female" surgery. He leftit at that for a day & then asked what type - I told him, he felt uncomfortable, but hey - he asked! I didn't tell the other guys - just told them I'm having surgery - I left it up to my boss to tell the guys.

I told one woman at work, my parents, sister's & 2 friends - between all of them everyone else found out.

I went to the gym to put a hold on my account & told them (with doctor's note) that it was medical reasons.

For me it was a personal thing - people don't need to know my business unless they need to know for some reason. I didn't even tell my MIL (thankfully my husband backed me on my decision). I felt that since I wasn't going to see the in-laws until Christmas than they didn't need to know (didn't want to discuss it over dinner!).
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  #4  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:36 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

I've actually just told some people I'm having abdominal surgery, and that's it. if they ask for more specifics, I've joked "I'm having my belly button replaced." or said more simply "It's too complicated to explain." (subtlespeak for "none of your business.")
  #5  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:54 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

It seems as though people treat a hyster the same as "cancer" - meaning they don't want to mention it. Especailly since I'm 36, married 1yr this sunday and have no kids......

One lady my mom told about my surgery I work in the same company with and have know for years sent me a get well card and said "I heard you had a tune-up, take all the time you need & get better soon!"

Another girl I know said "How'd your renovation go?"

And one of the guys I work with asked how my "update" was.

I thought it funny that people can't mention it to me but know all about it. It's even funnier that my mom has told more people where she lives about me and the surgery than I've told myself!

Treat it as a "need to know" topic.
  #6  
Unread 10-16-2003, 09:03 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

I usually said i am havin female surgery.It really does make some people uncomfy!!! If they asked why.I said cause im havin problems then usually walked away!!LOL
  #7  
Unread 10-16-2003, 09:13 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

Starwoman,

Luckily I work in the health care field and it was easy for me to tell my boss. I told him I was having the hyster and he asked what the problem was. I just politely said "Everything but cancer" and left it at that. His wife also had a hyster a few years ago and my best friend who works in the same clinic as me had her hyst a few months ago due to pre-cancerous cells. We have the same doctor (I referred her to him) so I have nothing but questions for her.

I think if you are comfortable with the people who "need" to know it is easy to tell them but it's not something that everybody you work with needs to know unless you want to tell them.

Good Luck!
  #8  
Unread 10-16-2003, 09:25 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

starwoman:

I too work with mostly men and they also have asked if it is cancer, so they feel reuncomfortable talking about the "Female anatomy" I told one of the guys that Everything will be "just fine", and that "My Baby factory is just closing down" He thought that was very easy to understand!!

Good Luck with Everything and will keep you and all sisters in our prayers untill you are a "Princess"

Boomer
  #9  
Unread 10-16-2003, 11:22 AM
How to tell people about my surgery???

Hi gals,

I have been very open regarding the TAH/BSO I am sched for, I do work in the hospital where my surgery is sched...so, everyone would have a good inkling that day anyway (written out in plain english on the OR sched!) my boss is a male and a nurse also, so this was not uncomfortable to talk about at all. At least he understands about the time I will need to recoup. I even found myself talking with the lady at WalMart, she gave me good advice on which pads to buy, turns out she had hers done last year.

Getting nervous, tend to ramble on more about it! Best of luck to all and many hugs!

Brenda
  #10  
Unread 10-16-2003, 08:20 PM
How to tell people about my surgery???

Some people just want the highlights. Others want the finer details. Start slow and tell them you will major surgery. If they probe further, offer a little bit at a time, checking for that "glazed look" or body language that suggests they want to back out of the room.

I first told my parents, over the phone.

Dad was his usual gruff self and said "no big deal...you gotta do what you gotta do...women go through this every second of every day...you're not the first to go through it and you won't be the last". Very comforting, Dad. NOT!

Mom said "oh really? hmmm" and then made a couple of those well-intentioned comments often referred to as "awlful kindnesses" such as "it's God's way of telling you that your equipment is old and covered with dust and cob-webs...it's time to let go...you weren't using your equipment anyway...it's not like you were going to have children at YOUR age...let's face it, it's too late for you" and my personal favorite, "it's probably a blessing." Again, maybe for YOU, Mom!

I felt like saying to them both..."Hello??? I have feelings here...maybe I feel like grieving...yes, I'm thankful and blessed...but right now, I'm hurting and I'm sad, and scared, beyond belief, actually and you're no help WHATSOEVER". I so wanted to slam down the phone on both of them, but couldn't, 'cos well, they're my parents, and really, it's the best they can do, so why punish them?

My girlfriends and female colleagues have all gotten that look of horror on their faces, followed by the "I'm so sorry...if there's anything I can do..." reaction. Helpful, sort of, sincere, yes...but I usually leave feeling worse than when I walked through their door, if I don't first break down in tears.

To tell you the truth, my male colleagues, to include my boss, have been the greatest. They want to know all the details and can't wait to share their stories of hernias and slipped discs. I've never laughed so hard in all my life. I cherish the men in my life and so appreciate the way they think. The women are strong, understanding, and supportive, and you definitely want them on your side (like all of YOU) but sometimes, you just want to be weak and vulnerable, let go and not feel anything but the raw stuff.

I agree with everyone here that's it's your call as to whom you tell, when and how. I tend to open my mouth and let loose, telling complete strangers my whole life story. I find them to be easier to talk with, perhaps because they aren't close to the situation, or to me, and can offer non-judgmental, unbiased comments, unconditionally and from a completely unique perspective. I value that.

Good luck!
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