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I lost my job .... I lost my job ....

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Unread 10-27-2003, 08:49 AM
I lost my job ....

Hello ladies

I know I have not been on much lately.. it’ been rough... went back to work and that was not easy. I'm trying very hard to get my life back to as normal as possible and it's so frustrating in so many ways. I don’t want to scare the new ladies (please note, my cancer was a rare one) but the damage from my chemo and radiation treatment has been extensive. My vaginal canal is totally damaged, so it’s a real bummer for my relationship with my husband. He is handling it well, but I still remember him all too clearly stating that he would not go the rest of his life without sex. We have discussed things and know we have to look into alternatives but things are still in the ‘shock’ stage so nothing is happening. We are both afraid and uncomfortable with the situation. It’s hard to get back into a sex life, when it’s not going to be a normal one.

On top of this I have lost my job. In a way, I can’t and really don’t blame them. I tried my best to work all the way through my chemo and radiation treatments in order to keep my job. I even managed to keep up with all of my work load, but still was terminated. The reason of course are the insurance liability problems. Of course they will not say that, but have stated clearly, that they have been happy with my job performance, etc, etc, etc. etc. They are kind enough though to allow me to work until the end of the year. Gosh, I never expected a gold medal for bravery, but to be terminated for a reason such as this is difficult to handle so Im still in major shock. It’s a new thing for me.

Obviously, I’m worried about finding another job. I have to work. I’m not sure how much an employer can say when called for a reference. I am grateful for one thing though, I am eligable for unemployment money. It won’t be alot, but it will help even if its for a short while. It just amazes me how much has happened in less than a year. May, diagnosed with cancer, Summer—treatment --- and now, termination of my job.
Im really in the dumps right now, what all with the normal depression from induced menopause and this as well. Thanks for letting me vent.

((((((Hugs to all of you)))))) Be strong!
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Unread 10-27-2003, 09:20 AM
I lost my job ....

So sorry you lost your job. And after keeping up with your work load. Did your bosses tell you the reason for your dismissal was insurance liability? In the states, that is not a valid reason for dismissal.

I am not sure about the work standards where you live. But, at my long term care center, we only give start and stop dates when called for references. We disclose nothing personal about a former employee. This is for our protection.

I hope you find a super job soon.

s Brighter days are in your future.

Ruth S
Unread 10-27-2003, 10:10 AM
I lost my job ....


I am sorry you are going thru so much. I am going thru the same sexual problems with my husband, and we don't talk much about it either, but I know we have to deal with it.
I am sorry about your job too. Hang in there. i know things will get better. I am praying for you.
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Unread 10-27-2003, 11:15 AM
I lost my job ....

Oh god im so sorry you have lost your job. How can people be so cruel and ruthless. Well you are better off without them. Im sure you will be able to get another job soon. You know what...i think you need a good long holiday!! How about the Maldives.?? Plenty of sun, warm sea and small islands. Too hell with the cost............just go.........you need a vacation!

Take care

Unread 10-27-2003, 12:07 PM
I lost my job ....

Thanks for the fast support responses. I really appreciate and need them. It's been a bummer of a Monday. A holiday in the Maldives sounds lovely! In fact we are thinking of a holiday. and had planned one to Turkey for November. It will only be for a week, but I'm looking forward to it as we did not have any real holidays this year. Only a weekend here or there. It will be nice to get away.

Ruth, yes it was for sure due to my illness and the insurance problems. It's a sad situation but a true one. I do understand, but Im just worried when I look for another job if it can be revealed in any way. Hopefully not and for sure I will not openly share this information.

Sherperpal, gosh hun we are in the same boat and it's a strange one isnt it? I must say, I dh is really trying, I told him the news today and he just hugged me, told me he loved me and that he just wanted me to feel good. right now, he's even cooking me dinner. such a sweetie.

Oh dearest ladies. you are all so great. What would I do without you. Many, many hugs to you!!!!!!

I keep remembering a saying well, the first part.. when life throws you lemons, make a pie?
Unread 10-27-2003, 12:16 PM
I lost my job ....

Oh, dear Mariacoo! I'm so sorry (and so angry) with all that you've had to deal with. I find it unbelievable that your job is not legally protected and that they can fire you without cause. What are you going to do for insurance coverage? Or is it a case where your job is just protected for X number of weeks before the Company has a right to replace you? (But that makes no sense cause you were back at work, weren't you?)

Well, I think it's best that you keep a positive outlook and believe that a better job is ahead for you. I hope you're continuing the healing process. It takes a lot of time but I'm about 85% there. I'm doing the vaginal dilating 3 times a week Not my favorite thing to do but it can't be that bad because I fell asleep the other morning while I was doing it

Feel better, good luck and God bless.
Unread 10-27-2003, 12:56 PM
I lost my job ....

Dear MariaCoo
I don't really have any help to give you. I just read your posts and I am feeling bad for you. You have a really good outlook on life and I think that is going to help you a lot. I will keep you in my prayers. Maybe loosing your job was a good thing? Now you will have more time to concentrate on your health and your relationship. Maybe it will open up a door for you to get another job you will really, really love. I am praying all these good things will come to you.......

Best of wishes to you and all the s you need!
Unread 10-27-2003, 05:41 PM
Maria--that's not right!

Do you work for a branch of an American Company that you could file a complaint with? I would think you'd have grounds for one! Hopefully this can be resolved--if not, may you find a wonderful job that you enjoy and will appreciate you more than this one did. Wishing you the best...Ellen
Unread 10-27-2003, 06:32 PM
I lost my job ....

I was saddened to read your post about the problems that you are having. Ask your oncologist to refer you to a plastic surgeon. I don't know exactly the problems that you are having with sexual relations but there are non surgical and surgical procedures to help. I worked with a plastic surgeon that my oncologist referred me too. My damage was from radiation. I am 41 years old and I had invasive cervical cancer when I was 32. A few years after the treatments were over I had non surgical procedures and then surgery to help me and my husband have a satisfying sex life again. If you had breast cancer and a breast removed you would have your breast rebuilt. You deserve to do what you can. It was covered under my insurance. Good luck.
Unread 10-27-2003, 06:33 PM
I lost my job ....

Here in the states, it is illegal to fire people for a certain range of reasons (e.g., discrimination based on gender, age, sexual orientation, etc.). I do not know the law, but I thought it was illegal to fire someone who was ill. It may be difficult to secure insurance with a new company. While your former company may maintain your confidentiality (dates of employment only), I believe you have to disclose any preexisting medical conditions. If you don't, and if there is another problem down the road, they can refuse to pay. Of course, they can refuse to insure you up front as well.

As for the sex stuff, there are many other ways to be intimate. If your husband is willing, you can work around it using, uh, other parts of your bodies, if you catch my drift. I guess what I'm saying is that there are ways to keep him satisfied. I hate to have to think that you -- after going through so much -- have to even think about that. I am also sorry that he said what he did. I know he was just trying to be honest, but that's definitely a line that I would carry around and think about.

I do hope that the ravages left behind by your treatment heal with time. While I don't have a beau at the moment, I have tested my own sexual function and am happy to report that everything works. So that's nice. Now that I am taking HRT (which another doctor confirmed today that I should be taking at my age), the dryness has gone away, so everything works even better. So that's cool.

Dear Maria, you have been through so much! Every challenge in life leads us down a new path. When one door closes, another door opens. I have left jobs on my own, and always landed on my feet. I was also laid off once, and it prompted me to start my own business, which is now doing very well. So I have come out for the better when I made the decision, and when the decision was made for me.

Life is a precious gift. I know you have to work, but what do you really want to do? Maybe this will enable you to get involved with something that means more to you.

We're all thinking of you, dear one. Keep smiling!

Many s!

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