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My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

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Unread 11-14-2003, 12:24 AM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

Hi Ladies,
I have surgery next Tuesday at 1:00. Tomorrow is my pre-op visit and I can't sleep. Well, this year is my turn to do Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the family. It was to be the first time I had Thanksgiving at my house. My mother-in-law doesn't think I will be able to do it. Neither do I. I am really worried. However my sister-in-law does it every year and seems really excited that I was to do it this year. She knows about the surgery and is waiting to see what the doctor says at my pre-op tomorrow as to whether or not I will be able to have the dinner at my house. I should have told her I just wouldn't be able to do it but I guess I'm too nice and decided to put all the blame on the doctor after my visit tomorrow. Perhaps, this is selfish, but I was offended that I should even have to ask my doctor. I know that I will be exhausted. My dh offered to do all the cooking and I said that he knew the ladies would never go for that even though he is a good cook. I just wondered if she even remembers how hard the surgery was on me last year even though I was told I handled it better than most. Perhaps she thinks I want to do it but a little brains and sympathy would have been nice. Thanksgiving would be 10 days post-op. I just can't see myself cooking a lot of food for that many people. In fact I can't see me wanting to put up with that many children and adults at one time at my house even if I don't cook. Boy I'm taking full advantage of my doctor visit tomorrow. I think I'll even ask him to specifically say no to cooking on Thanksgiving. He'll probably think I'm crazy for asking...Oh well, I'll just explain....
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Unread 11-14-2003, 04:28 AM

I always do Thanksgiving and it seemed my family never thought it would be any different this year with ONE exception they will come and cook I have decided I will have DRUGS so I am not dealing at all with it. Thankfully none of the real little ones were expected to be here I guess I'll just hide in my room if it gets overwhelming. This site has given me so much power to channel my energy that I decided early on "let them do what they want to do anyway" and it hasn't stressed me at all. It would have caused more of a problem to have told them no and these preop days would have been even more stressful. Since September I've been preparing and the other sisters have explained about the waiting is so difficult, it really is as the days get closer the anxiety gets higher I just keep really busy working, painting and fixing I go to bed exhausted and wake up nervous it's another day closer. Can't wait to get to the other side. Pre-op testing was uneventful thankfully. Blood has been stored, house has been cleaned, primped and ready.

My question is how do they expect you to lift the bird and put it in the oven? or be on your feet to prepare dinner so soon post-op?
Unread 11-14-2003, 05:00 AM
There is no way I could have done it!

Hi Cathleen,
I had my surgery 6 days before Thanksgiving. I always have Thanksgiving dinner at my house. My father always comes to visit from out of town for several days.
Well, there is no way *I* could have done my husband and teenagers did all the work, cooking, cleaning, whatever needed to be done. I rested most of the day, but enjoyed the Thanksgiving feast like no other. I was sooo thankful. It was really good too. But I only helped judge the seasoning of the stuffing and did nothing else.
I don't think you'll be able to do much work yourself. Even if you could you really shouldn't. My doc specifically said no cooking on Thanksgiving. So if they all are willing to do the work, then it shouldn't be a problem for you. As long as you're willing to walk away and go rest when you need it.
There were no small children at the dinner. I did find things annoyed me that wouldn't when I' well. I would just retreat to my bedroom to recharge.
Best Wishes for a speedy recovery.
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Unread 11-14-2003, 09:03 AM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

From someone else whose dh is a good cook.
If your dh is a good cook AND can do the cleanup/or can get help from the family in clean-up, this is a viable alternative for the Thanksgiving dinner. Either your family will have to get over the idea that your dh can cook, or someone else will need to do it this year. If you need to tell the family that the DR says you can't do it, nothing wrong with a little diplomacy. It's not like they are going to call the DR to double check. The sister in law may just be hopeful she doesn't have to do it again this year. Again if the dh can and is willing to cook and cleanup is taken care of, this is the best alternative you can offer, I think. If they can't get their heads around the idea that a man can cook, not much you can do about that.
Unread 11-14-2003, 09:48 AM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

Dear Cathleen,
Stand firm dear Cathleen!

My surgery is currently scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving.... so I won't even be feeling much like eating.

Here is how I would handle the situation if it were me.... I just would tell the family, you can come to my house and DH will cook or we can order a gourmet dinner from the store (a local store where I live will do the entire thing for you).... I would also tell them that I may need to be MIA in my room part of the time.... and it is off limits to the little kids.

My DH cooked Thanksgiving dinner with my mom when I had surgery the Monday of Thanksgiving week. It was fine.

Look at it this way... at least this is a situation that you have control over .... I have trouble saying "no" too so I can relate to how hard it is to feel like you are letting people down.

Unread 11-14-2003, 12:21 PM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

I had T-giving after my TAH on Nov. 4th last year. I figured it was better than traveling with a cath....and my hubby and daughters were a big help. I didn't do anything except assist. AND the best part was that I was home and I could go to bed when I wanted to.

Good luck.
Unread 11-14-2003, 01:01 PM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

I have Thanksgiving every year, and I told my family we are skipping the big meal at home this year, and they are taking me OUT to is surprising how many restaurants are open and serving.....and then everyone can come back to the house to lay around and have pie and coffee and watch football etc.
You deserve to pamper yourself...timing is not always good, but you have years to take your turn!
(In my humble opinion..)
Good Luck!
Unread 11-14-2003, 01:12 PM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

My mother lives just down the road and we have a good thing going on....

My house is smaller and a little tight for a large family dinner but I love cooking for the whole family....

So I cook at her house...

She handles all the pre-holiday cleaning and I do the cooking. However this year, I was told if I try to do anything that can't be done the a chair...I'll be tied to the chair. We are going to have around 15 people there this year...should be fun to see what happens.

Heaven help us but my DH is

Unread 11-14-2003, 04:34 PM
My turn to have Thanksgiving and my surgery is next week

My husband cooks also. He is very good. He still has a problem cleaning though. If your husband loves you enough to do all that forget the other ladies. It is your home and your recovery. You will need to rest A LOT. and your husband seems to know it.

I agreee, another best option is to go out and leave some stress behind.

I am 2 years post op and last 2 years we traveled to my mother's home. It is a short drive. My father in law came to visit both Thanksgiving and Christmas. We did not have to go so far, even if it is a 2 hour drive, the whole day in Ft. Lauderdale is too much stress.

This year iti s just my own little family, but Christmas we have to travel 6 hours and visit 5 days. My husband REALY wants to see his mother, and pregnant sister. I am still enountering many problems from surgry, but at least I dont hve to do any of the work.

Good luck to you, and get all the rest you can. Your body is sgoing thru a major change and needs to rest.
Unread 11-14-2003, 07:21 PM
Pre-op and my thanksgiving decision

Well, I had my pre-op today and as I knew he would, my doctor absolutely agreed that Thanksgiving was out of the question for me to cook. I told him I was going to tell everyone that the heaviest thing I could lift was a fork. Hey, I just might have everyone lift my plate and put the food on it for me. My doctor was concerned about how many people will come over. So, I decided to ask my sister-in-law if we could have it at her place or my mother-in-law's house and offer to have my husband cook about half of the food with my supervision. Besides how can you go wrong with things like greenbean casserole, pumpkin creamcheese pie, chocolate ribbon pie, brocoli & rice casserole, ham etc... I thought that we'd leave the turkey to someone else. Boy, I'm hungry! While I was pre-admitting to the hospital today, I found out they mistakenly put me down for day surgery and I was alarmed when they said they were going to have me go to the bathroom and walk shortly after recovery before sending me home the same day. I told them my doctor told me that I was going to be in there 48 to 72 hours. They insisted that was the information they were given. So on Monday morning, I will be the first caller to the doctor's office to get that major detail fixed before my surgery on Tuesday. I definately will not get up and pee for them within hours. I can honestly say I was asking her, "Won't I have a cathether?!!???", and was genuinely ready to beg for one. So, I'll let you know as soon as Thanksgiving arrangements are made. My in-laws aren't home tonight. Thank-you so much for all your replies and support. It sure eased some worry for me. I've said it before, but this place sure is a blessing and I so appreciate my sisters. Have a good day or night!

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