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New diagnosis... waiting, waiting,waiting New diagnosis... waiting, waiting,waiting

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Unread 11-17-2003, 08:14 AM
New diagnosis... waiting, waiting,waiting

Hi Angels,
Well, to say the least, the past week has been a roller coaster. My PAP came back CIN-III, carcinoma in situ. Last year's, PAP was clean. I'd had the cone surgery 18 years ago at age 19. Went on to have 4 healthy kids. Clean PAPs ever since.
I had my colposcopy done Wednesday. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the results. I think the waiting is the worst part of the whole ordeal so far.
One question from the colposcopy: I have the funkiest discharge... yellow tissue stuff with like black dots in it. The dr. office says it is the material they use to "heal" the biopsy sites (I had one real good bleeder). There were 3 lesions and he took some tissue from the top of the cervix as well. He said the next step would be a cone biopsy. What is the purpose of that if I know I just want a hysterectomy to get this stuff out of me?

I have found myself comforting others more about all of this. I haven't really cried or freaked out yet. Is there something wrong with me? I feel so confident that we found this early and that I will be fine. But, I think with each passing day of the waiting, waiting, waiting game... my internal confidence slips as I think of this junk growing in there. My anxiety isn't about HAVING cancer, my anxiety is about getting it OUT of there and getting back to my "normal" life.
I am taking a friend to lunch today. She had a mastectomy 4 weeks ago and has cabin fever. She doesn't know about my situation yet. I am not sure this is the time to tell her because I really just want to cheer her up and encourage her.
Also, did you find that people started to treat you different when they found out you have cancer? I hate to think I am paranoid, but my phone has rung ALOT less since we found out about all of this.
My husband wants to wrap me in bubble wrap and not let me do a thing (not that I mind, but I won't break!)
I'm glad to have found this place. ;-)
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Unread 11-17-2003, 09:22 AM
The waiting is the worst part. And it doesn't

seem to matter which part of the "ordeal" you are in - just waiting for any results seem endless. I didn't find anyone treated me differently at all - if anything, I found out that I had so many more friends that I ever knew. People came from every area of my life to support and help us.

Good luck to you. Keep us posted!
Unread 11-17-2003, 10:36 AM
There is nothing wrong with you

I didn't cry until after the surgery, and then I think it was more from sheer relief than anything else. It sounds like in your case the cancer was caught early, and you have every reason to be optimistic.

Gucu is right, and many others will agree, the waiting is the most difficult part. I had to wait a month before my surgery, and I found that I could get through the day, it was the very early morning hours that nerves set in.

As for friends, a cancer diagnosis brings up a lot of emotional issues. Some people just can't handle it. Several friends I told I never heard from again. A couple others told me that at first they were stunned, felt helpless, and didn't really know how to respond. But the majority rallied around, and you will find you make many new friends on this journey, including the incredible women on this web site.

You might want to tell your friend who had the mastectomy about your situation. You may find that instead of upsetting her, you are able to help and support each other. That is why this web site is so wonderful, because in spite of well meaning family and friends, nobody really knows what you are going through as well as others who are in the same boat.

Best of luck to you, big , keep us posted.
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Unread 11-17-2003, 11:09 AM
New diagnosis... waiting, waiting,waiting

I know how difficult the waiting can be, I just went into my own little world while waiting for my results.

I didn't tell anybody (except immediate family) about my cancer and my children still don't know (3 years later).

They were 8 and 5 and way too young to deal with it. They knew I was sick and that I had a hyster but details weren't necessary.

I didn't tell alot of people as I didn't want somebody saying something infront of my kids.

I hope that things go smoothly for you. Let you husband protect you, it is probably his way of dealing with things.

Unread 11-17-2003, 05:17 PM

I had to go to the doctor tonight.....
I passed these HUGE clots... no blood, just huge clots. He had no idea what they were and sent them off for pathology. I'll get the results from the colposcopy on Wed but we are all aware of what they are going to say.
My doctor was kind enough to give me some Klonopin for the anxiety. I usually don't need anything for that, but today was tough.
I did tell my friend about my cancer. She was relieved to know and happy to share her story. I was glad... SO glad to have her to bounce things off of. There is no doubt that having someone to go through this with means the world! She understood the feelings I have had. She understands the way you kind of just go NUMB when you hear what you are facing. She understands the helplessness you feel when you see your family hurting and there is nothing you can do.
I am so lucky that my sister is a doctor. I will have her love and her knowledge to guide me all the way!
I'm tired and crampy and off to bed.
Thanks so much for your love, care, and concern.
Unread 11-17-2003, 05:41 PM
Glad you found us!

The waiting is THE worst...the wondering and "what if's" and the worries. Klonopin or another anxiety drug is good when needed--I now have Ativan for when I go to bed--a lifesaver. I'm also sorry you had the bleeding problem and hope they can determine what that was. Also having a good friend to bounce things off when you and she share the Cancer bond. And youir sister being a Dr. will be helpful. Now you keep posting, especially if you have worry concerns. That's one of the reason's we're here. Ellen

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