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Unread 11-19-2003, 02:50 PM
religious struggles

Hi everyone,
I'm having a TAH at the age of 22 in January. I have had a religious upbringing and find that the expectations placed on women by the church are really causing me to struggle; the idea that women are defined by being wives and mothers. Further, my family doctor is a religious man, and I know that he does not approve of my surgery (I am not looking for his approval). I feel that by having the surgery, I am insulting his religious beliefs.
Has anyone ever felt this way or been in a similar situation?
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Unread 11-19-2003, 03:37 PM
religious struggles

A couple things to think about:
1) You aren't getting a hysterectomy in order to avoid having children. If you wanted to do that, you'd be going through a much less complicated surgery - you'd get your tubes cut instead.
2) I am assuming that you don't have cancer or some other life-threatening reason for getting a hysteretomy...if you do have a life threatening reason *your* life also is precious. If you are suffering pain, and other symptoms, then the quality of your life a is something you need to preserve. Also if you are in severe pain, or otherwise incapacitated because of your symptoms, you have to consider whether in your condition you could bring up a child to your personal satisfaction.
3) Investigate all alternative possibilities before taking this step, if you haven't already. For instance, if you have fibroids, a UAE or myomectomy are possible solutions, and if you have endometreosis, depending on where you have it, the hysty might not help at all. If there are no other alternatives to alleviate your symptoms you have done your homework, and you are doing this to take care of your health, and you will be able to face this with the assurance of the fact.

My DR had me get a fertility test before making this decision - not to pressure me one way or another but so that I would enter the decision with open eyes. It ended up I'm infertile already. This made me think about what my future would be without children. I work a full time job, and am the major wage-earner in the family (my husband makes less money) as a result of my soul-searching. Having to re-define your expected role in life can be difficult, but if it must be and you have no choice, you must find a new road to take.
Unread 11-19-2003, 04:22 PM
how hard this must be

How hard this must be having to face a surgery like this and having to face the chuch's guilt for doing it. Carmy, don't judge yourself for this decision you are making. I looked at your profile, this isn't something you are doing to avoid pregnancy. God uses people as they are and knows that if this is something in your life, your life will still be what it is meant to be in God's eyes.

You did not say how you feel about this olss of a chance to have children of your own, only how you have felt frowned upon for it. A quote you may appreciate because you are losing the right to even dream of having children of your own while still so young.

"Christian hope, like faith, is the freedom to decipher the signs of the Resurrection under the apprently contradictory evidence of death." (JLM)

I grieve with you that you are having to face this crisis of your sense of your place in faith even as you are dealing with the emotions of this time. My heart is with you.
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Unread 11-19-2003, 10:17 PM

If your dr. is against this, then why is he doing this type of surgery????

I want to tell you are doing nothing wrong by trying to make yourself well...dont worry about the judgements of others, or any false ideas others may have about what it means to be a woman, a believer, etc...

You are not defined by what sex you are defined by the situations you are in, & how you handle these situations...a crisis is not the time to build is the time that true character is shown!!

When I had my tvh, I had prayer all around me...I was in a Baptist hospital, where even my dr. prayed b4 doing anything in made me feel so much better to know that these folks were doing this !

Theres a big difference is having religious beliefs & trying to push them on folks...thats just dead wrong!!! We are all different so our reactions to what happens to us is as different as we are! Who in the world can judge you???

I am here for you, I pray for us all daily...

God bless!
Unread 11-20-2003, 08:42 AM
religious struggles

Dear sister:
I spent 17 years in a faith which does not ordain women, and then 23 years as a minister's wife in another strict fundamentalist denomination that also suppressed women.

I left the religion in 1997.

You need to take care of yourself. I would encourage you to use the mind God gave you to find true spirituallity within your own heart.

Fluffy Lemur

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