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I am finally officially a mom- need advice I am finally officially a mom- need advice

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Unread 12-17-2003, 08:39 AM
Talking - I am finally officially a mom- need advice I am finally officially a mom- need advice

Congratulations! What a blessing! I've also had great success with bedtime routines for my sons, now 6 and 9. They always had a bottle/cup of milk and now a small snack, then bath, then stories and into bed with soft music playing. At first we used their mobile then a cassette tape. I have to say we've had very little trouble with sleeping. We always put them into their cribs awake even if we rocked for alittle while for relaxation. We were also very consistent with putting them back down to sleep immediately if the got up. Best wishes!!!
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Unread 12-18-2003, 09:45 PM
Thanks, ladies

Thanks for the advice. I also posted this questions in a chatroom for those who adopted from Tula, Russia, as we did. I was "told off" by a woman who as much as said I was being cruel to let her cry herself to sleep. That if I want a secure child, I should not do this. She does the "family bed" thing, where they take their (15 month old girl into their bed after they have had a few hours to themselves!! She aslo said her daughter did well during the day, but had problems at night. I believe Irina is feeling secure, but, come on, she needs to sleep in her own bed and get used to it. I will try the suggestions listed here, and let you know how they work.
Unread 12-18-2003, 10:46 PM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

I'm so sorry you weren't treated in kind and supportive way by a member of the other site. It's things like that that make me so glad I have (((Hystersisters))) to come 'home' to.

Everyone has their own beliefs, and evidently that woman believed strongly in the family bed concept. She's entitled to her belief but she shouldn't have told you off because you don't share her beliefs. For what it's worth, I think you are doing a great job and your new DD is very lucky to have you for a mom. I bet everything is going to work out just fine for your new family.

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Unread 12-19-2003, 10:40 AM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

MargaretEllen, when you are a new mom, it helps to hear
advice from supportive friends and family. However, when
it comes across as condemnation, it does not help you gain
confidence in your maternal abilities. One time, we were
visiting my in-laws who made me feel like I was doing everything
wrong. I was so discouraged. Going home, my young
toddler son leaned over and kissed me. I felt like that it was
his way of saying, "You're a great mom, and I love you."
It's not easy being a new and inexperienced mom. This is the time when you really need support. I hope you find us
supportive and helpful, but not hurtful. Again, congratulations
on your new daughter!! As the Russian Orthodox say,
"May God grant you and your daughter Many Years!"
Unread 12-19-2003, 10:09 PM
Thanks for the kind words

Hyster sisters are great!! Thanks for the encouragement. I let her know I didn't like her reply, and she sent an apology. We are still experimenting, and my dh is involved. He actually spent an hour with her tonight, rocking and soothing her when she woke up as usual after he put her in the crib. I went in as she cried when he left. I put on lullaby music, and only stayed for a few. She only cried for a few minutes when I left, then fell asleep. I really feel this will get bettr and better as time goes on, so she will eventually not cry like this. It's just a matter of finding the "key", so to speak.
Unread 12-23-2003, 10:49 PM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

My son is now 21/2and I still rock him to sleep. Sometijes with a warm bottle and sometimes not. He is a preemie and it seems a whole different world. I suppose adoption is too. Since your daughter has only been home little ove a month I would thlink she needs more time tko adjust to the new family. Trust is the biggest of all. I do not let my son cry himself to sleep more than 10minuts. My husband disagrees asnd lets him cry it out. I dont lilke that because I think he needs trust. So I rock him with his favorite truck, he does not like teddies , and a blanket till I see his is ready to sleep. 9 is the limit. We try to get him to sleep by 8, but it does not always wdork. We sset 7for quet time and quiet play, then rock and bed time. He does seem to go through cycles when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I rock him back to sleep, sing or just rock in the dark and tell him it is sleep time. Toddlers need lots of comforting. Congradulations on being a mama and good lluck , keep us in touch for being a mama is the hardest job in the world!
Unread 12-23-2003, 11:01 PM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

I forgot to tell you to do what works for you. I do not agree with letting him cy it out for so long till he falls alsep. My husband does. I think toddlers need lots of comforting. Especially preemies, possibly adopted ones because of the adjustment. Once in a while we use the family bed if nothing else seems to sooth him. You are right, he needs his own bed. YOur daughter will get used to her own bed . Follow your own instinct . I tried everyone's advice and my head turned in so many directions we were all comfused , i listended to my instincsts and the baby settled.

I do ask for help from my sisters here when I get stuck. Other mamas who have experiences have good answers and support.
Unread 01-17-2004, 09:29 PM
update on Irina

Just thought I would post again on the sleeping issues with our baby. She is doing much better now. It takes her only 10 minutes to go down for nap. I just kiss her and put her in bed. She will cry and rock, but settles down. At night, I found she really missed her bottle. I tried to stop, but she really needs it. I let her hold on to the empty bottle in bed. It seems to be a sort of security thing. Most nights, she falls asleep within half an hour now. I bought a book by Ferber on solving your child's sleeping problems. It mentioned rocking and head banging as ways to calm self when going through stressful things like teething and learning to walk. Irina is going through both, although she is a proficient walker now with her first official walking shoes!! She went through a period of head banging on the bed since I posted last. Freaked us out, but we strapped achair cushion to the headboard so she would not hurt herself. She does it a little still, but we find it is better to let it alone and she stops. Parenthood is so interesting!! Irina will be 16 months old tomorrow. She is getting bigger so fast(and heavier LOL)
Unread 02-02-2004, 01:06 AM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

Hi there!

Congratulations on your new little joy!

You have had a lot of good advice. Personally, my kids always ended up in my bed, which worked for us. I was against "family bed" pre-kids, but a lot of my feelings changed once I had them.

Irina may be feeling alone in her room after being in a larger room with more kids. I love all your "good night" routines and think they're right on. Now how about adding one thing: noise! Get one of those noise machines from Smarter Image or a small cassette player or something and let her listen to wind chimes or lullabyes until she falls asleep. Maybe being alone in a quiet room is too much for her right now.

Just a thought. I always give better advice than I take, LOL!
Unread 02-02-2004, 04:00 AM
I am finally officially a mom- need advice

First of all, a big Mazal Tov (congrats)!

I thing SoCal is right on the $. The pictures we've seen of the overcrowded rooms at the orphanages in the former Soviet republics and Eastern Bloc nations are indeed horrifying, but it's what the little tyke calls home. A little pleasant background noice would probably help her nod off.

And as for anything but water in the bottle -- no, no, a thousand times no! Giving baby a sweet bottle in the crib used to be very popular here, but with better education it's gone out of fashion. A gal I know had to have root canal done on her DD's baby teeth because they were ruined by sugary drinks in her bottle. The dentist said the adult teeth wouldn't come in well if the baby teeth just continued to rot.

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