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Fighting with ex husband Fighting with ex husband

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Unread 01-14-2004, 03:00 PM
Fighting with ex husband

Have any of you ever gone through this? My ex and I divorced 7 yrs ago when our son was only 2 yrs. old. He was never heard from again. I remarried in 1998 to a man who has been his father since he was 3yrs old. Last year after 6 yrs and $17,000.00 in back due child support he reappears, wanting to have visitations. I hired a lawyer and have been back and forth to court for 2 yrs now.
My son now 10 says that and has been saying for 2 yrs that he doesn't want anything to do with his real father. The judge says that I need to be supportive of their "relationship" or lack of one. son didn't go on the vistiation and I just received a nasty letter from his laywer telling me that I need to make-up that visitation. My son went through the roof screaming and cring that he hates him and that nobody is listening to him.
Does anyone know of a law or a court case similiar to this that I can maybe refer to?
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Unread 01-23-2004, 04:49 PM
Fighting with ex husband

Nothing is coming to mind right now.

Have you explained to your lawyer telling him/her that your son doesn't want to go? Maybe your lawyer can go to the judge and tell the judge the situation that he does not want to go.

I don't know, but I think kids aren't "allowed" to decide if they want to see one parent or the other until they are 12 years old. Something about that is a magic number. Don't know why though.
Unread 01-24-2004, 12:59 AM
Fighting with ex husband

Thanks for replying! Things have got out of hand now and his lawyer is getting nasty. I have one of Phoenix's best lawyers and he is handleing things just great but as a parent you wory if there's anything you can do to speed things along and make the road not so bumpy for your child. His lawyers new defense is this crazy new syndrome that has been introduced into the courts called Parental Alienation Syndrome I did some research about this on the internet and this dr who "invented" this is a total wack a doo! He commited suicide by overdosing on his meds and then took a butcher knife and stabbed himself several times in the neck and chest! Now if that isn't crazy than I don't know what is. My lawyer says that they don't have a case and are grasping at straws. I hope that when we go back to court in April this will be the end of the soap opera!
There's so much more going on I could write a book and not even take a breather, but I won't bother you with all of the details.
Thanks for listening.
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Unread 01-24-2004, 03:15 AM
never easy

I agree, I think your ex's motives could be suspicious and I understand your reluctance to have his presence back in your life. Unfortunately your son is his child as well, and although at this stage son doesn't seem to want closer contact anymore than you do, he may change as he grows older and it would be hard then if he turned against you for stopping these visitations.

It's hard to believe that a court will force a reluctant child to 'honour' a visitation order, but maybe an alternative method of establishing new contact could be arranged. Surely the court must see that to your son his real dad is a total stranger who rejected him for 7 years, why should he want to suddenly see him for 'quality' time. If his father is genuine, then surely he could be persuaded that he needs to gradually build up a relationship and accept that it may not happen at all, but he's the adult and your son should come first, he's the innocent in all this.

I hope you will be able to find a suitable and workable solution that takes the stress of you and your son. Hugs, Linda
Unread 01-24-2004, 07:34 AM
Fighting with ex husband

I completely understand. As parents we have to fight for what's best for our child. Has your lawyer said anything about taking your child to a therapist? I reason why I ask is that this can cause a lot of problems psychologically and if you have them documented now then there's more proof that he doesn't want to (and shouldn't have to) see his bio dad.

I'm surprised that a judge would try to "push" visitation since he abandoned your son for 7 years AND owes that much back child support. I agree with your lawyer. Bio dad is trying to grasp a straws now because he doesn't have a case.

How's your son handling this? Poor kid doesn't need this on top of going to school, etc.
Unread 01-24-2004, 09:58 PM
Fighting with ex husband

Thank you all for replying! Yes, my son has been to a therapist. When all of this started 2 years ago the court said that for 1 hour every other Saturday my son and his bio father has to do theraputic supervised visitations and this went on from Oct of 2002 til May of 2003. Then the courts ordered more theraputic supervised visitation with me being allowed to be in the room for one hour one Saturday a month and one Saturday a month regular visitation with me present like at Peter Piper pizza or a game room sort of thing. Then in Oct of 2003 we went back to court AGAIN and that is when the new order of one Sunday a month for the months of Nov, Dec and Jan from 12-3 and the months Feb, Mar, April from 12-5 then back to court on April 9 for a review hearing and then in months May, June, July 12-7. I'm not sure what they are going to say in April but I do know that the judge said he would decided weather or not he could take my son to his house which is in a different county. An hour and a half away.
Just one last ex has a total of 3 kids with 3 different women and the oldest will be 12 this month he terminated his parental rights on back in 1997 which he owes past child support and then there's my son that he has not been around for 6-7 years and owes 17,000.00 in arrears then there's the little girl that will be 6 this March and has not seen her either in 5 years and owes 16,000.00 in arrears! By the way the little girls mother and I hired the same lawyer!
If that isn't enough of a soap opera story here's more.......his new wife of a year is now pregnant!!!! This just gets better by the minute!
Thanks for letting me vent on that one.
Unread 01-25-2004, 07:32 AM
Fighting with ex husband DO have a soap opera going.

I hope that your son is open and honest to the therapist about his feelings towards his dad because it will then be easier in the long run for the judge to make a decision.

Good luck and keep me posted on what happens.
Unread 01-25-2004, 11:09 AM
Fighting with ex husband

My son is VERY honest not only with the therapist but his bio dad!
He has told his bio dad in front of me as well as in front of the therapist actually YELLING at him that he hates him and does not want to have a relationship with him or anyone in his family,to leave him alone and he never wants to see him, my son has also told him that he ie very angery about him leaving for 6-7 years. My ex just doesn't listen or something I can't figure it out. Nobody knows what his real motive is here. I just pray that when he does have my son that he comes back in one piece.
Thanks again for listening to my stuff!
It feels good to get it out there.
Unread 01-25-2004, 11:21 AM
Fighting with ex husband

Honesty is the best for a young child.

I remember when my kids would yell at me about how much they hated dad for leaving, etc. It's hard, as a parent, to hear that, but it helps them so much. Has the therapist told you about your son keeping journals? My kids did that for a long time and it helped get all the anger out.

There's some kind of motivation there on the bio dad's side. I would honestly think money. I guess in the back of his mind he thinks that if he's involved with his son then he won't have to pay all that back money. Boy would he have another thing coming. Hehehehe!
Unread 01-25-2004, 11:56 AM
Fighting with ex husband

OH MY GOSH that's soooo funny that you brought that up because in Nov he did try to modify his support amount and have the new amount retro back in the arrears. The amount went UP a whole dollar and boy I laughed when he had a meltdown in the courts screaming that is more than he pays now! They also added an additional 111.21 to the amount to bring the grand total a month to $449.21 ! It was GREAT! If only he had stayed quite! You live and you learn but I don't think he got that memo. A week affter that he had the little girls mom in court to modify hers and it worked for him in this case only by $60 a month which she wasn't getting anyway. Because we have the same lawyer he petitioned the courts for HIM to pay our lawyer fees based on the fact that he felt that it was a waste of time and the courts agreed and now he has to not only pay his lawyer he has to pay ours too for the child support hearing he had to go to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an IDIOT

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