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help with husband !!! help with husband !!!

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Unread 01-17-2004, 01:05 PM
help with husband !!!

I am going in for a abdominal hysterectomy on the 22 of this month. At this point I am starting to get fearful. My biggest fear is how I will handle everything once I am home, my dh seems to think it will be no big deal, and that I am worrying to much. You see, he works and I stay home and handle EVERYTHING here at home, bills, home, shopping, yard, trash, everything. We have a 12 year old daughter who will be there to help me, but I don't want to expect her to handle everything. I was almost in tears this morning when I tried to talk to my hubby, he just blows it off and tells me to stop reading all those horror stories on the web!! Man I am so confused. I know he will not be very helpful, and it is going to cause so much problems. Help, what do I do?
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Unread 01-17-2004, 01:11 PM
help with husband !!!

can you schedule some time to talk to your surgeon or gyn with dh along? My hub accompanied me to all my gyn visits, and got a lot of eye-opening info. For instance, he though that he could get theater tix for us 2 weeks post op "because you'll only be sitting down." (yeah, and parking the car and walking to the theater and having dinner in a restaurant and riding into and out of NYC). Anyway, he at least had a grasp of the no lifting, etc. restrictions (he's a massage therapist and is pretty well aware of how muscles, ligaments, etc connect) but a lot of the other stuff was news to him. Plus it helps when he hears it from the doc--less likely to chalk it up to your fantasies/insecurities/fears.

Good luck.
Unread 01-17-2004, 01:25 PM
help with husband !!!

any suggestion would be greatly appreciated, but, emails are a problem since my hubby uses this screen name too. Thanks
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Unread 01-17-2004, 01:33 PM
help with husband !!!

Hi honeybee,

Gee, I am sorry that you are so upset about having help from dh. It is hard for some dh to get used to doing things that they have never had to worry about or do.

Your first week you will need to rest a lot, and will need the most help then. If meals could be fixed ahead and frozen or ordered out that will help. DD can put clothes in and out of washer and dryer for you. Where you will be resting most of the day have a phone handy, books, pillows, TV, lap top(if you have one), etc. Try not to worry about a clean house, sometimes that has to slide a little. I tried not to look at dust bunnies forming on floor and carpet not so clean as I liked.

You will be able to sit and do work like bills and such. Dh could manage trash out, feed pets(if any), run errands until you are released to drive (around 3 weeks).

Just go over what is the most important like preparing food,grocery shopping, cleaning and drying clothes, errands, bills, etc. and delegate to each one what you think they could help to do.

Here is a link to read about family and friends :

I hope this helps a little. It is all new and a little overwhelming for family members, but you will gradually be able to do things. You won't be down for a full 6 weeks.

You will need to not be lifting, pulling, pushing, anything heavy.

This is info on what is allowed and not allowed for you and family to look over:

Take care


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