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emotional support issues emotional support issues

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Unread 02-24-2004, 09:16 AM
emotional support issues


I went through this all so quickly, I don't think I know what
hit me.

I went to see my Dr., Jan 21st this year, and had surgery
a week later! (SAH and LO removed, enlarged uterus and
endometriosis). I don't feel I had time to prepare mentally
for this.
I seem to be recovering fine physically at 4 weeks, but
I feel isolated socially. I am a stay at home Mom, and didn't
have much time to get the word out about my surgery.
I have had phone calls at 2 weeks asking me to go for
coffee at the coffee shop, and was berated for not feeling up
to it just yet. I was also called by a volunteer at my child's
school ( at 3 weeks post op ) to see when I would be coming
Has anyone else had these problems? This is what is
bothering me the most ( DH and family very supportive though).
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Unread 02-24-2004, 09:30 AM
emotional support issues

Hi Aurora,

I think it is very insensitive of anyone to ask YOU TO HELP do anything for at least 6 weeks after your sugery. Even before I knew I was going to be having an LAVH I knew that the recovery was 6 to 8 weeks. As for your friends asking you out to coffee, they may have the best intentions. They may be thinking that you are feeling cooped up at home and need to get out. If you feel up to it, you could accept their invitation with the response of, " I would love to get out for a short time. What time could you pick me up? Coffee and a half hour visit out would be great!" Though, no one has the right to berate you for not feeling up to going out! I am only 6 days post op from an LAVH and I have already been out twice. Once 3 days post op for about 3 hours (Saturday) and then Sunday to go to church and then lunch afterwards with DH and DD. I really enjoyed getting out even though I was pretty tired in the afternoon. I knew that I was going to be home all this week with nothing to do and not be able to drive anywhere.

Continue to lean on the wonderful support you are receiving from your DH and family and hopefully you will feel up to a short excursion sometime soon. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you are much better physically and emotionally very soon.

Unread 02-24-2004, 10:12 AM
emotional support issues

I kinda know where your coming from on that one. My SIL is getting married (wedding origianly planned for May but moved to this coming w/e due to her being pg and thinking she HAD to be married before she baby got here (whoopee who cares KWIM)

So she and my MIl have the nerve to ask me if I can still help wiht getting things ready.......Whoahhh wait a minute here I got to travel estimated 2.5 hours to this ting and then get 2 kids and DH ready that are in it, go sit while it starts and then they asked me if I could be the person who 1st dtands up when I see DH and SIL in the doorway...........Uhh I am thinking NOT b/c it takes me forever to get up out of a chair that has arms and I can not imagine gettign up from a Church pew. Then they asked me if I would serve the cake No again b/c I am sitting when I can and not doing a darn thing. My MIL's StepDD was saying how I ma milking it for all I cna get, wait a minute woman you ahve never been through a surgery like this and as of today I am 2w 1 d post op and Sat I will be what 2w 5d post op I hardly think I am milking anything concidering 1w 2d post op I was back in the castle for a huge hematoma and I am just now figuring out how to sleep and sit comfortably and walk standing straight up.

I had given all my family and friends plenty of notice, my MIL had to have dates over a month in advance so she could get vacation time and we had to move the sdate of my surg back b/c she couldn't get vacation when we had planned it the 1st time so these people knew in my case ahead of time.

I am glad your family is supporative (parts of mine is and parts just have no clue KWIM, but as for the invites they could have been thoughtful enough to bring a coffee by your house for ya or picked up a couple of donughts and got some coffee and came by and just chatted where you would be comfortable. My best friend brought me by a soda from this drive in here in town and we sat and just chit chatted one afternoon and that made me feel so good just to ahve someone to talk to and then soeone who also has a healing incision in their belly (c-sect Dec 24) to get some comfort tips from.

You could also be going through a hormone change (I know I am BIG time) and little things tht really never bothered you before are now starting to. Even keeping one ovary the adjustment the body goes through takes time to work out.

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Unread 02-24-2004, 11:34 AM
emotional support issues


Thanks to both of you for responding.
Maybe I am being too sensitive to my friends, as
they haven't had the surgery yet! ( could it be hormonal, or
the February blahs here in Ontario ?)

This message board has been great- it is wonderful to have
support at a time like this when you feel cut off from the

A speedy recovery to both of you, and to JessicaC, good luck
with that wedding you have to attend.

Let us know how you make out ( if you get through it okay ).

Unread 02-24-2004, 12:14 PM
emotional support issues

HI Aurora......

recovering from a hyst AND dealing with an Ontario winter !!!!

oh my!!!
I'm an Ottawa gal, but have lived in Italy for 10 years... last week we got about 4 inches of slushy snow and were complaining about it!!!

joking aside......

This kind of experience can isolate you a bit no matter where you are and when it happens. It is a big trauma to your body and to your persona/spirit...... those who have not had surgery cannot really understand - and unfortunately some who have had it don't remember what it was like!

I'm sure your friends mean all the best by inviting you out - and as for anyone's expectations... well, let them have their expectations and you can catch up with them when you feel up to it.

best wishes for your recovery!
Unread 02-24-2004, 12:50 PM
emotional support issues


I am sorry you are going through this....we all understand.

I just got off the phone with my former MIL where my 8 yr old is visiting for a bit after school. She asked how I am doing and when I said tired...she says "Gosh I thought you would be feeling good by now". I could have reached through the phone at her :hair: She had one about 30 years ago so I asked her how long it took her to recover...she said "Oh I went back to work 6 months to the day" so then I reminded her that I am not quite 3 weeks post op yet. She still didn't get it! grrrrr

Take care of yourself.

Unread 02-24-2004, 01:11 PM
emotional support issues

Thanks to both Cheryl and Heather for making
me laugh!!

Just the medicine the Doctor ordered.


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