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My first time down The Road  :( My first time down The Road :(

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Unread 03-07-2004, 10:05 AM
My first time down The Road :(


I am 2 years post-op from a LAVH. I kept both ovaries. My surgery went very well and my recovery was uneventful. My ovaries have continued to work good and I have not needed any HRT. Things have changed in the past 3 months.

I had my annual exam in January along with a vaginal ultrasound. My right ovary has been causing some considerable discomfort.

I saw a gyn doctor (my reg doc is on vacation) last week for another vaginal ultrasound and pelvic exam. My right ovary is still giving me problems. I have had pelvic discomfort, heaviness, and now sharp pain during intercourse. The ultrasound show more cysts on my ovary with some cell changes in the cysts. The doctor also suspects adhesions. I go back next week to see my regular gyn doctor to decide what to do. I believe they will suggest a lap procedure to determine what is going on. <sigh> another surgery....

I am frustrated because I finally thought my body was getting healthy. The first 2 years after my hysterectomy were mainly pain free and this. I have also had changes in my breasts and have been placed in the "watch group". I have another ultrasound in a few months to see if there are any further changes - and if there are changes a biopsy will be done. I feel like my own body is revolting against me.

The thought of losing my ovaries and possible chronic pain frightens me. I have always prayed for the ladies on The Road because I saw how much they had to endure. I was always very thankful that I did not have continuing problems. Now I find myself on The Road. How do you cope with your body when it starts to work against you?

I guess I'm just venting...I know there are no easy answers. Thanks for listening. I could us some prayers. Thanks.

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Unread 03-07-2004, 10:45 AM
My first time down The Road :(

Dear (((LynnMary)))

I am so sorry you are having troubles with your ovaries and pain I hope your visit to the road is brief.

You asked... "how do you cope when your body starts to turn against you?" .... well I can only speak for myself but I realized many years ago that, while I seemed to have no control over the pain or the endo or whatever else kept turning up in my pelvis, the one thing I did have control over was my attitude. It was, and has continued to be, very empowering to realize I had control over that one aspect.... no matter what happened I wasn't going to let my pelvic pain problems take my spirit or have my life.

I have had constant pelvic pain for most of the time since August of 1990 (The only time I didn't have pain was when I was pregnant)... it took me many years to reconcile with it and then put it mentally in a place where it would "live beside me" rather than control me. I do think there is a grieving process that we all go through when we first are faced with the realization of a chronic health problem... grieving for that pain free life we might have had.... but there are no garuantees in life so we do have to make the best of whatever situation we are faced with... I kept thinking that I had two choices... "give-up and give-in" or "stand-up and carry on".... and the latter seemed to be the only one that made sense.

During my recent trip to the Mayo I found this little phrase written by Maya Angelou.....
" I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
It pretty much summed up how I had been thinking for many years.

I hope things start going better for you and this is just a little bump in the road .... please let us know how you are feeling and what you find out from the doctor.

Unread 03-07-2004, 11:03 AM
My first time down The Road :(

HI Lynn,
kind of weird we both come here in the same week, isn't it... though I wouldn't say "weird and wonderful".... sigh.

I was just starting to get over feeling betrayed by my body - I was so fed up and angry and frustrated by the seemingly forever phase of heavy bleeding and then the need for surgery and then the battle to get my energy back and feel really better.... the last month or so I've been feeling mostly really great, except for this nagging problem that I decided to get checked out.

and now, I'm wondering if my ovary really is just floating or if it is stuck - the dr said it was "resting", and not stuck, and seemed pretty sure, but you know how it is, you get an idea in your head (how can he be so sure, was the ultrasound really clear enough?....)

so I think I understand a bit of what you are feeling, but I haven't yet come to terms with how to deal with it. I think that Sarah's philosophy is certainly worth working at - as you can see, it took her a while to get to the point where she was able to put the thoughts into action ---- but well worth trying.

I think at this point, -- until you know what is really going on and how it is going to effect you --- something that I do sometimes might help

I give myself permission to be angry or upset -- to rage or to cry - but for a limited time -- basically a vent. Then if I feel I'm dwelling on my problem outside that "permitted" time, I tell myself - "not now - you are busy doing something else!"....... I have to be honest and say that it doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps me stay more focussed.

hugs to you Lynn.....
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Unread 03-07-2004, 11:30 AM
My first time down The Road :(

(((Lynn)))) I'm so sorry that you are joining us on The Road (though we love having you here, we never, ever, would have wanted you to be having such problems)

I'm sorry that your body is betraying you in this manner. Hopefully, this will not mean another surgery for you... and if its does, hopefully your ovaries can be saved. I know how scary the thought of loosing our ovaries and heading into surgical menopause, since I've also kept both ovaries and always fear that they might be fluttering out of service.

While I do not have any insight for you, I did want to send tons of s and ers your way, hoping that all ends up well for you.
Unread 03-07-2004, 11:35 AM
My first time down The Road :(

Oh ((Lynn)) my dear ((Sister)) breaks my heart for all you are going thru The Road has always been a kind of home to me but to see my other Sisters <you & Cheryl> needing to be here *bigcry*:
((Sarah)) pretty much stated my own feelings towards my battles w/ Chronic Pain & ongoing health issues. The part about having control over my attitude is what has helped me get thru. Along with the love & support of my ((Sisters)) here on The Road. They have given me the strength & determination to fight for answers I see others suffering far worse & from that I draw some much needed strength to continue search....
I also see a Therapist that helps me deal better with the fact that my body is forever changed...that I will probably be in this pain forever. The hardest part, for me, was the acceptance that I can't do the things I once loved...exp the things I can no longer do physically with my children.
Somedays, all I want to do is cry, ask why this happened to me, blame my Hyst but I find that it doesn't help, it only makes me feel worse <sigh> I do believe things happen for a reason....I am here for a reason. To help others...for me that has been the best therapy to help me deal with this....

I pray that your visit here is short-lived, that you may find some answers & relief to this ((Lynn)) If not, pls know you couldn't be in better company Thru the sharing, understanding, compassion & support given here each day, may it bring you thru this & on to healthier, happier days!!

and now, I'm wondering if my ovary really is just floating or if it is stuck - the dr said it was "resting", and not stuck, and seemed pretty sure, but you know how it is, you get an idea in your head (how can he be so sure, was the ultrasound really clear enough?....)
Pls forgive me, my friend if I stirred any unnecessary doubts to what is going on...I truly didn't mean to cause you this turmoil. I hoped by sharing my thots, it could perhaps help you reach deeper for possible answers & most of all some resolve to this

Unread 03-07-2004, 11:50 AM
My first time down The Road :(

((((Sheri))))) --- no need to apologize at all -- I think that thought was already hovering in the back of my mind and our dialogue just brought it forward.... it made me realize that I may have to take further action... but I honestly am just not mentally, emotionally or physically prepared to consider that at this particular moment.......I *KNOW* you would never in a million years do anything to cause turmoil - you have a big and just want to help!!!!! I also know that this is something you are very knowledgable on.... I'll probably drive you nuts with questions before I hit the end of "this" road.....

now... back to ((Lynn)) -- with apologies for the temporary hijack.
Unread 03-07-2004, 11:54 AM
My first time down The Road :(

Thank you ((Cheryl))
Pls feel free to ask away...I'll be more than happy to help whenver I can

I apologize as well ((Lynn))

Unread 03-07-2004, 03:42 PM
My first time down The Road :(

Thank you for your words of encouragement! That's exactly what I need at the moment.

now... back to ((Lynn)) -- with apologies for the temporary hijack
(((Cheryl))) Absolutely no apologies needed! You and I are experiencing a similar problem and even though I am not happy about my situation I take comfort in knowing I am not alone. We can journey down this road together.
Unread 03-07-2004, 04:00 PM
My first time down The Road :(

Lynn, s to both you and Cheryl! I will say prayers for both of you that your solutions are simple and that your pain may become a thing of the past very soon! Hang in there!

Emily ( a big hug for all you ladies on the Road)
Unread 03-07-2004, 09:42 PM
My first time down The Road :(

How do you cope with your body when it starts to work against you?
Oh (((((Lynn))))) I am so sorry to see you having to even think of such a question. It cuts to the core of who we are as women, I think. I can't speak for anyone else here, but when I look in the mirror these days I don't even recognize the body looking back at me... it's like it's someone else.

I guess the way I am coping with it is by accepting it and dealing with it one day at a time. I'm not questioning, or denying... just saying "OK, so where do we go now?" as each new development arises. I am past asking "why me?" or "is this fair?" because nobody knows the answer to those questions anyway.

Nowadays I am asking "is there anything I can do to make this go by more quickly or smoothly?", and "if I have to go through this, then how can I use my experience to benefit my (((sisters)))?"

Of course you are welcome here, but your being here means you have been having problems, I hope your stay here is short and you are soon feeling like yourself again.

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