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Unread 03-17-2004, 04:53 PM
Mmmt ??

My sister has been battleing cancer since she was 16. Now at age 28 she has had about 5 SERIOUS surgeries, every yr or two just as the cheamo and radiation ends and she starts to get some of her hair back and just as the rest of us think her miracle has come... a test comes back cancerous again.
I know this is a female forum, i am male, i am not going thru this cancer myself and i tend to avoid my sister, my mother, and the whole cituation just because i do not know how to handle it i guess. I love my sister and would kill for her. but here i am hiding from this which is slowly killing her. I guess its because i know there is nothing i can do to help so i dont want to get causght up in it all. I have my faith and although i am by no means a "christian" or a "church-going" type of person, i do believe there is more to this when we "go". I kinda feel like my mom thinks i dont care what happens but that is not the case, i just believe that things always happen for a reason and when we gotta go we gotta go. there is no avoiding it, and why would you want to avoid it. We should welcome death, its inevittable.
I have thought about this alot and put the "shoe" on the other foot, thought about how i would re-act if i found out i had cancer or a desease wich was slowly killing me. and i honestly wouldnt change my view or the faith i have. I know i would be scared as hell of the things i may experience while going thru the motions of the illness, and i would want my family there and the people i care most about.. I do try to be there for her because i care but it really does hurt to think that the same girl i used to sit up with every christmass eve and color and laugh and try to imagine what new toys we were going to get, and the same girl i would dispise one minute for rattin me out for eating all the ice cream and chips, and then love more than anything the next minute cause she would talk my mom into letting me go skating with her and her friends.. its hard to think that she is going thru something i can not do a thing about i can only sit and watch while it happens.... It is so hard and it hurts more to think of how hard it must be for her, her husband, my mother, for my nephew and neice....... I think about all of the people out there suffering and whom have suffered thru this monster those whom have lost etc. to think we have so much technology at our fingertips so many incredibly smart people all over the world and yet all we can do is worry about envying our neighbour for his life, his house, trying to get better MATERIAL items n our lives... we can compete with so many things in life and create satalites, spaceships, etc. yet for all we have gained this desease along with a few select others, has somehow outsmarted us.....

Thats my "venting" if an admin feels the need to remove this then so be it. i just wanted to vent, and thought that maybe some of you may have younger brothers or older brothers whom you may think do not care what you are going thru. perhaps this helps explain some things to you.
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Unread 03-17-2004, 05:13 PM
Mmmt ??

Thank you, for your insight. Peace be with you and your sister.
Unread 03-17-2004, 05:48 PM

So sorry to hear about your sister's battle with cancer. Remember that the fight is not least not unless she gives up. Also, there are amazing new cancer fighting discoveries almost every day. otion: Who knows, tomorrow there could be a break-through....without hope, we have nothing.

One thing that I've learned from my experience is that not everyone knows how to handle difficult situations and particularly "Cancer" -- and so some end up avoiding it and others end up saying the wrong things at times. What counts is that people do care and they find ways of showing that to me even if not directly.

It sounds to me like you love your sister with everything that you long as she knows that you love her, it doesn't much matter that you always "talk" about the cancer or say the right thing. She'll bring it up with you if she needs to.

As for you, look after your own well-being with this too. It takes courage to be the one on the other side of the fence. I am glad it's me dealing with the cancer rather than my husband or children. Being a helpless bystander would be frustrating and frightening.

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Unread 03-17-2004, 06:05 PM
Mmmt ??

Speaking as a sister myself. We always know how much our brothers love us. She knows you love her.
Unread 03-17-2004, 06:11 PM
Mmmt ??

Hello Grinch,

For one thing, guys and girls think and react differently to situations.

I am not saying that you are wrong but I do think that giving your sister more positive support would make her feel much better than dishing out the gloom and doom report.

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and going thru chemo, I stayed away from anyone with a poor unsupportive attitude. I did not want to hear about the bad, I knew all of that. I wanted to hear about all the new and wonderful treatments available.

How about turning some of this negative energy into positive, helpful, thoughts and information.

I bet she will thank you for that.

Unread 03-17-2004, 06:21 PM

I am so sorry for what you and your family have been going through. It is heartbreaking to go through this with ones we care about. Men deal with events/situations like this much differently than women. Your feelings are just that, your feelings. You are entitiled to feel however and whatever to get through. I lost a sister many years ago, and I have allowed myself the opportunity to 'let go". For me there were feelings of grief, confusion as to why, many tears, and even anger. I have found that grief not only occurs when our loved ones have left, it can occur while we are going through the process of "saying goodbye". At the current time I have a brother facing his 2nd round of cancer. I just listen when he needs to talk, I have assured him I will ALWAYS love my neice and nephew and never , ever let them forget what a loving father and wonderful man he is. I search for the right words to say to you. My hope for you and your family is peace, grace, and love for the days ahead. I will remember you in my prayers.
Unread 03-17-2004, 06:21 PM
Mmmt ??

Dear xtocsea_grinch,

I can sense your need to share your feelings about your sister and I applaud you for wanting to reach out to other women who may be wondering about their own brothers or family members.

However .... as you already know, this is a woman to woman website. From the guidelines:

Women only please: These features of the Hyster Sisters® website are intended to be a "Women helping Women" website. Men's posts may be removed or closed in keeping with the boundaries of To make it easy, we ask that men not register.
Best of luck to you and your sister. I truly hope you will find a way to share all of your feelings with her.

I am closing this thread and hope that you will respect the website guidelines developed by the website owner.

BethAC - Hostess
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