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How many dhs have and kept helping them? How many dhs have and kept helping them?

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Unread 03-27-2004, 09:56 PM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

I can say I do feel pretty good but am very tired alot but have to keep going.I had a tah/bso on march 8th.I can say I was only allowed 1 week off.The week of my surgery.I do eveything around my house.I clean,take care of my 2 girls 2 and 5 make beds,dishes laundry errands,shopping and making sure my house stays neat.I so many times tell my dh how i feel about just having major surgery and having to do everything.He does not say anything.
I am just very angry tonight with everything.I made dinner and asked him him he could load it in dishwasher what happened he left it in sick piled up and fell asleep on couch.I had kids outside all day plus my daughter had a friend over most of day so i was busy with the kids never even rested.Even took them to the park.Dh don't hardly even touch me not that we can have you know s.. but it would be nice.Maybe i should go back to work while i am at it doing cna work.Just needed to vent.Sorry.
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Unread 03-27-2004, 10:38 PM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

it is my biggest most bothersome side effect of this whole ordeal... being let down. i hate having to HAVE TO ASK for help so like you i just got mad and started doing it myself. it can cause you to build up such anger that you just want to explode from the frustration. i havent been touched, or hugged, or held either.. probably because he is afraid he may get burnt by the steam coming out of my ears!!! someone on here suggested that i explain to him, well he knows as much as i do he went to pre-op and was at the hospital, so DUH!!! and someone else asked if i would be so kind to him if it were him, he broke his collar bone last year and sat in the lazyboy for 6 weeks and was on vicadin the entire time.. other than go to work i was by his side, he had a hot meal every day and clean clothes, i never missed a dr. appt. kept house, washed his smelly ole brace and hung it to dry. kissed him assured him i love him and made sure he had nothing to do but get well... so i can't understand what's up. i told him that i do realize that i must care more for him than he does me. im ready to throw this fish back in the sea
Unread 03-27-2004, 10:58 PM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

Its ok to vent I did yesterday I fell much better today from letting it all out. Now I just need to in a calm way let DH and Dkids know that I still need help around the house.
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Unread 03-28-2004, 07:17 AM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

Good morning... Why not stay in your pj's for a couple days.......It seems to help with the idea, that you just had major surgery and have to rest....You are entitled to a FULL recovery, not just a week.....Some men are just not the nurse maid type...Don't know why...Good luck, try not to over do....Cindybean.....
Unread 03-28-2004, 07:45 AM
Me Too..

My DH was fine in the beginning, even bought me the deluxe princess package. but am one week post op and he said to me all I do is whine and want everyone to pamper me.

Well DUH....anyway, my mom is here too but I was so hurt that I have just decided well I don't want his help if he is going to talk to me that way! I went to the grocery store by myself.

You are not alone, I needed to vent to.

Thanks for allowing me to express myself to.

Unread 03-28-2004, 09:05 AM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

DivaStar, My surgery was on 3/18/04 TAH. I think I can relate to how you are feeling physically. Please be careful! I put on jeans for the first time yesterday and went to Target with my daughter (she drove and handled the packages). We weren't out long and I felt pretty good, but by the time I got home I noticed some spotting (old blood). Maybe the activity just made something old come out (yuk!), but still, I got off my feet and took it easy for the rest of the evening! A trip to the grocery unassisted (pushing and manuevering the cart, loading and unloading) seems like it could be sort of risky at this point. It sounds like your recovery is going well. so don't let his insensitive remarks push you to do something that could possibly screw it up. Take it easy and let him go hungry!!
Unread 03-28-2004, 10:55 AM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

Thanks everyone.Its so nice to hear that I am not alone.But it makes me mad that our men only really care about themselfs.I don't think they realize that we just had major surgery.Well better get off back to dusting.
Unread 03-29-2004, 03:30 PM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

Thank you Lily2004,

It has really been a blessing to me to be able to have sisters on the internet to reach out to, you are right I did overdue it at the grocery store, I was flat on my back the rest of the evening. I was a little blue, no, a lot blue about the fact that I am not going to be able to be a "lady of leisure" duing my recovery, but oh well, I am blessed to still have my health, my mom says that some people cannot even get out of bed for WEEKS after surgery and I have been up and out after about six days.

Thanks again for your and everyone's support duing this time of mental as well as physical healing.

Unread 03-29-2004, 05:12 PM
How many dhs have and kept helping them?

My heart goes out to all of you that have husbands that don't understand.
If I were you, I would just not do it. Of course you can't help but take care of your children, but you don't have to make beds, or dust or any of that. Detail cleaning is not something that has to be done for you to go on during the day.
Sandwiches and cereal make great dinners for the kids. If he has to fix his own dinner a few times he might get the idea.
Don't get dressed either. Make yourself rest. If you don' will regret it. And I believe that if you don't make him help, you will regret that too.
I'm lucky enough to have a husband that at least takes care of me. He hasn't washed any clothes, but we have teenagers for that. He hates cooking, and doesn't do it normally...ever. But he has been while I'm healing. He's good about getting me drinks and medicines and even feeding me during the day if I wanted.
Don't forget, you need to talk to him about it or you will regret it in the future. Then you won't just have to worry about your body healing it will be your relationship too.
Unread 03-29-2004, 06:51 PM

I have been extremely lucky in the DH department. He has taken good care of me since I have been home (post-op 2 weeks tomorrow). I think that if I were in your shoes I would go on strike. My own family wears me out so just say no to friends coming over in the mean time. Don't try to be a hero. If you have to take care of kids during the day fix easy stuff, soup, pbj, chicken nuggets ect. I know six weeks sounds like a long time but it is so important you take care of yourself. Sometimes men want to feel needed.... so let them feel like you can't do it without them. You'll be surprised at how much they can do if you tell them that you just can't do it without their help.

Take care of yourselves first!!!!!

Housework can wait,


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