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Hi -- haven't been here for awhile but really need your help Hi -- haven't been here for awhile but really need your help

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  #11  
Unread 03-31-2004, 05:15 AM
Hi -- haven't been here for awhile but really need your help

Dear Cyndy,
Did your husband say that about being "more of a father than a husband" and 'not attracted' stuff in a moment of anger? Or was it a tone of being "fed up," or what?

My first reaction was to be mad at him for laying this on you while you are going through this. And that you deserve $17,000.00 worth of perfume or books or manicures or whatever will help you feel better. And then I started thinking. I still think he shouldn't have said this, but it could have been an unfortunately rude expression of stuff that's been building up inside him.

My poor husband hasn't had a "real wife" yet -- we got married just before my surgery, knowing that I had cancer. We cried when we got to the "in sickness and in health" part. And that's where my thoughts have led me.

What would you think about gently reminding him that your vows included "in sickness" ? And telling him that he's been a great "father figure" when you've needed him to be, but that it won't be for ever. And that you're looking forward to feeling and looking attractive again. And that part of that journey involves things like shopping and perfume.

This may be the totally wrong approach. Every relationship is unique. You may need a shouting match, or to say, "How DARE you." I thought I'd just offer it up as food for thought.
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